Only When He's Drunk...

[Arrow]

Only When He's Drunk...

A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, "What's the problem officer?" Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 65." Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!" Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks." (The man gives his wife another dirty look.) Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt." Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt." The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" The wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."

[TVZ]

...who came home late of a friday night three sheets to the wind. Wifie was waitin inside the front door with her arms crossed and her foot a-tappin, shootin laser beams from her eyes.

"Where have you been?" she demanded.

"Well (hic)," says hubby, "af-after work I went out with the b - with the boys for a weeeeeeee drink."

"A wee drink, huh? How much did you spend?" she demanded.

The man looked at his shoe for a while. 'Sixty dollars," he says sheepishly.

'SIXTY DOLLARS!!!" she yells, "Do you know how long sixty dollars would last me?"

"Well," he thinks about it, "You don't drink, you don't smoke, and you got your own pussy. I guess it would last you forever."