82Rigger
05-07-2002, 08:41 PM
Actual instructions found on products:
On a Sear's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Rats! and that's the only time I have to work on my
hair!)
***
On a bag of Fritos:
"..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside."
(the shoplifter special)?
***
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
***
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
***
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the BOTTOM):
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
***
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
***
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
***
On Boot's Childrens' Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking
this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
***
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
***
On one brand of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
***
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)
***
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
***
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
***
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
this one.)
***
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(Oh ...was there a lot of this happening
somewhere?)
*****
Airborne! Steve / 82Rigger
On a Sear's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Rats! and that's the only time I have to work on my
hair!)
***
On a bag of Fritos:
"..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside."
(the shoplifter special)?
***
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
***
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
***
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the BOTTOM):
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
***
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
***
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
***
On Boot's Childrens' Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking
this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
***
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
***
On one brand of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
***
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)
***
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
***
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
***
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
this one.)
***
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(Oh ...was there a lot of this happening
somewhere?)
*****
Airborne! Steve / 82Rigger