Cats or Dogs?

[JeffL]

AND GOD CREATED DOG AND CAT


ADAM said, "LORD, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here, and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And GOD said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever, who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be at times, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And GOD created a new animal to be a companion for ADAM. And it was a good animal. And GOD was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with ADAM, and he wagged his tail a lot.

And ADAM said, "LORD, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom. I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And GOD said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And DOG lived with ADAM, was a companion to him, and loved him. And DOG was beside ADAM all the day long. And ADAM was comforted. And GOD was pleased. And DOG was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that ADAM's guardian angel came to the LORD and said, "LORD, ADAM has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock, and he believes he is worthy of adoration. DOG has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."

And the LORD said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever, who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."

And GOD created CAT to be a companion to ADAM. And CAT would not obey ADAM. And CAT would love ADAM when CAT chose to love ADAM, and not when ADAM chose CAT to share affection. And when ADAM gazed into CAT?S eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And ADAM learned humility.

And GOD was pleased.
And ADAM was greatly improved.
And DOG was happy.
And CAT didn't give a shit one way or the other.

[JeffL]

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. "Yeah, right," she says.

A few minutes after she goes to bed that night, the dog begins snoring as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet, grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The next morning, the husband wakes up hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom, and as he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

He shakes his head, and he looks at the dog and says, "Boy, I don't remember where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place!"