In the News

[JeffL]

Hey! :n: He Warned him!

"Texan Killed Friend Who Drank Last Cold Beer
Fri Dec 6,10:15 AM ET

BANDERA, Texas (Reuters) - A jury on Thursday handed a life prison sentence to a Texas man who shot and killed a longtime friend he accused of drinking the last beer in his refrigerator.

Jurors deliberated for less than two hours before passing the sentence on Steven Brasher, 42, for the murder of Willie Lawson, 39, on Nov. 5 last year.

"There was only two beers left, so I took one, and I told Willie not to take my last beer," Brasher said in a taped statement that was played during the trial.

Testimony showed Brasher shot Lawson in the head with a pistol after the two began arguing over the missing beer. Brasher maintained the shooting was an accident."


Jeff

[SgtBlake]

Never, never, ever take a mans last beer ;)

[Wazza]

Never, never, ever take an Aussies second last beer. Mind you he'd probably offer it to you anyway if'n you were polite about it. :ae:

[janecallanan]

Waz,I'm thirsty. Pretty please?

[JeffL]

According to a news report I saw last night, Hillary Clinton was asked about the football playoffs. She loves the Giants but doesn't think an investigation is necessary regarding the missed call at the end of the game.

She also said the NY Jets are doing well.

When asked about it, she wasn't aware that both teams played their games in New Jersey, but that it didn't really matter, since she considered New Jersey to be a suburb of New York.

What a jerk.

And now for the real bad news - she's been cloned.

[janecallanan]

One of those monkey laugh sound effects would go great with that, Jeff! Poor thing is really going to need an Epilady!

[kenmar]

Thought she might need a playmate....

[janecallanan]

Just had an awful vision of these two monkeys jumping around and laughing at the suffering of thousands. Sad part is, it fits them both!

[catman]

So for the million dollar question...What happens when these two "monkeys" breed? Chelsey!

[JeffL]

Catman, I can't believe you slipped me that straight line.....

The obvious response to your inquiry is:
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THEY GO APESHIT!

[nang]

You guys shouldn't insult those poor monkeys like that. :u:

[JeffL]

Unfortunately, nothing insults either one of them.

In other news.............

DENVER, CO (AP)
A furious gunfight erupted between the midgets and the dwarfs at the circus this afternoon. No one was killed in the short skirmish, but some people were wounded by small arms fire.

[JeffL]

I learned today that there is more money being spent each year on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.

By the year 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky breasts and abundant erections, and no recollection of what to do with them.

:re:

[JeffL]

City Bans Smelly People From Buses
Mon Jan 13, 7:56 AM ET Add Strange News - AP to My Yahoo!

BEND, Ore. - You better hit the shower before you board the bus in Bend.

Proposed new city rules would ban spitting, smoking, skateboarding, and stinking on city buses.

The regulations ban anyone who "emanates a grossly repulsive odor that is unavoidable by other Bend Extended Area Transit customers" from being in the bus station or on a bus.

"It's an effort to keep the riding experience as pleasant and safe as possible," said city attorney Jim Forbes. He noted that the city already has an ordinance prohibiting people from releasing "highly objectionable odors" from their property.

The City Council will consider preliminary approval of the ordinance Wednesday.

The city's transit system is currently reservations-based. Last year, the city expanded the transit service for seniors and the disabled into a service for the general public, but no scheduled routes have been established.

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What about - ummmmmmmmmmm - odors from other bodily functions? :n:

[SweetSue]

Jeffers... what DO you do all day?????
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besides this???
lolol
Susan

[JeffL]

Well, today I was grandkid sittin'. Dey takes care of demseves, but dey needs an adult (moi?) around jus' in case. Ya know?

:D :p

[Tamaroa]

If you only knew the gems he has come up with in the past. :re: On another site, we used to request a Jeff warning before he graced us with his wit to keep from spitting coffee all over our computers. :D :D

Bill

[JeffL]

Aw, shucks, Bill. Yer too kind. (Giggle, blush, squirm...) :mm:

[JeffL]

There are tests and requirements for some jobs...

[JeffL]

And at some jobs just answering the phone can be a problem......

[janecallanan]

I love the grace and beauty of the repairmen's walk. Reminds me of the dancing TuTued hippos in Fantasia!

[thebrad]

No way! I've got the same 'Fuk Mi' picture at my desk at work! Right next to my emergency baptism instructions and a personal ad:

I AM LOOKING FOR FRIENDS
who suffer, all of my old friends used to.
Call XXX-XXXX

[billr]

Anyone want to go?

[JeffL]

That anal party is right across the street from this place. The font used in the sign may have been a bad choice...

[reeb]

True;

Either Iran or Iraq sentenced a teen to hang to death for excessive drinking. Source from CNN News 1/13/03

enough....................

[SweetSue]

so where are the grand kids today Jeff???
What's your excuse this time????
LOLOLOL

[JeffL]

Boiler's fixed, they're in school.

Arghhhh! Ya caught me! Consarn! :ek:

How're things up in da Great White Nort'? Oh - and thanks a lot for sending that cold air down here. We really appreciate it. :re:

Saskatoon. When you think you've gone too far, you're almost halfway there. Have you ever taken any of those roads as far north as they go in Saskatchewan?

[JeffL]

I'm not making this up, and I know it's true because one of the people interviewed said, "untoward." We would never say that to anyone over here in the USofA.

Waz - what's the scoop? Do you have a Bermuda (Devil's) Triangle down there? Pirates? :cd:

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Ghost Ship Packed with Rotten Fish Found at Sea
Tue Jan 14, 9:23 AM ET

CANBERRA, Australia (Reuters) - Australian police said on Tuesday they were baffled by the discovery of a ghost ship full of rotting fish -- but no crew or life rafts -- drifting off the remote northwest coast of Australia.

The 65-foot High Aim 6, registered in Taiwan and flying an Indonesian flag, was intercepted and boarded by the Australian navy last week about 185 miles west of the fishing port of Broome after it was spotted drifting aimlessly.

A massive search in the area has turned up no survivors, life rafts or clues, but the presence of up to three tons of rotting mackerel and tuna in the hold has convinced police the boat was used by fisherman, not people smugglers.

"There weren't any indications on board that anything untoward had happened. The conditions on board were quite good," a spokeswoman for the Australian Federal Police in Perth told Reuters.

She said the long-line fishing boat, which would have a crew of around 12, appeared well-equipped and seaworthy.

The weather in the area has been calm for weeks.

Police have launched an international investigation in a bid to track down the owners or crew of the boat.

"The only factor we have to work with at the moment is the fact that it is Taiwanese-owned, so we'll be going to the owners to try to learn a little bit more about the crew and a little bit more about the history of the vessel's passage to this point," the police spokeswoman said.

[Wazza]

Plenty of pirates still ply the East Indies unfortunately but no Devil's Triangle that I know of. Maybe a giant squid or Capt. Nemo took 'em. Still could be people wanting to get to Oz. Be interesting to find out what the drift pattern was for the vessel.

The report is true and been on the news the last couple of days

[janecallanan]

I think I'd just jump overboard if I was in a ship full of rotting fish! P.U.!!! I'd rather take my chances with a giant squid. Bet there were a lot of dogs anxious to roll around in that stuff!

[JeffL]

Thanks for the update, Waz.

Jane, if you want to jump overboard, it'll cost ya a fin. :re:

[JeffL]

Bananas and plantains. What's next? Papayas and ugli fruit?

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Bananas' Days May Be Numbered
Add Oddly Enough - Reuters to My Yahoo!

LONDON (Reuters) - It is one of the world's favorite fruits, but the banana hasn't had sex in years and its days may be are numbered.

Without scientific help the sterile, seedless fruit could disappear with 10 years, according to a Belgian plant pathologist.

Emile Frison, the head of the International Network for the Improvement of Banana and Plantain in Monpellier, France, said the fruit lacks the genetic diversity to fight off diseases and pests that are plaguing banana plantations and only biotechnology and genetic manipulation may be able to save it.

"Frison sees it as the only hope for the banana," New Scientist said on Wednesday.

Without assistance banana production could drop and mark the beginning of the end of the fruit.

"We may even see the extinction of the banana as both a lifesaver for hungry and impoverished Africans and as the most popular product on the world's supermarket shelves," the magazine added.

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Geez. Whodathunk a banana wouldn't have had sex?

Due to allergies, I can't eat bananas, even if they're deboned. But if this cause apeels to you, I guess you could send a donation to Mr. Frison the INIBP (described above).

"...manipulation...", Brad. That sounds like it's right up yours! I mean, right up your alley!

[JeffL]

Those damned newcomer Ohio pengiuns! :d:

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Calif. Zookeepers Perplexed by Penguins
Add U.S. National - AP to My Yahoo!

SAN FRANCISCO - A few penguins swimming leisurely at the San Francisco Zoo is nothing new. But dozens of them doing laps in unison for hours has zookeepers perplexed.

"We've lost complete control," said Jane Tollini, the zoos penguin keeper. "It's a free-for-all in here. After 18 years of doing this job, these birds are making mincemeat of me."

It all started in November when six newcomer Magellannic penguins, formerly of Sea World in Aurora, Ohio, were brought in.

Since then the penguin pool at the San Francisco Zoo has been a daily frenzy of circle swimming by all of the 52 birds at once.

The penguins start swimming in circles early in the day and rarely stop until they stagger out of the pool at dusk.

The six penguins from Ohio started it all, Tollini said, apparently convincing the others to join them for the watery daily circuit.

"I can't figure out how the Aurora penguins communicated and changed the minds of the other 46," Tollini said.

Some penguin experts point to the highly social animals as being open to new ideas fostered by newcomers in to the zoo's so-called Penguin Island.

"Penguins are extraordinarily social birds," said Christina Slager, associate curator at Monterey Bay Aquarium. She has studied Magellanics in the wild in Patagonia and Chile.

"And they're very, very inquisitive. If you combine those facts and put in a new stimulus, like the six new penguins, they have to check it out."

Aquatic biologist Pam Schaller of the Steinhart Aquarium in San Francisco described it in more matter-of-fact terms.

"Genetically, they're designed to swim," Schaller said. "I'd be more amazed if the six had learned to do something not in penguin nature and showed the other 46 how to do it ? like if the birds were trained to jump through a hoop."

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"The penguins start swimming in circles early in the day and rarely stop until they stagger out of the pool at dusk."

Just substitute "drinking" for "swimming," "bar" for "pool," and "dawn" for "dusk," and it sounds like the crew of a Coast Guard cutter.

Bill, don't even touch the "...frenzy of circle swimming..." line. Do not go there. :x:

[JeffL]

"Air Force Academy cadet Matt Bayless of Topeka, Kan., was expelled in April for honor code violations. Among the charges was that Bayless had lied to his colleagues about the reason he kept certain jars in his room, which, it was finally revealed, was so he could urinate in them at night without having to walk down the hall to the bathroom. In December, the academy demoted Bayless to the enlisted ranks for three years. [Denver Post-AP, 12-3-02]"

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All this time you keep the good stuff about the AF to yersefs! We didn't know AF enlisted types could store their piss under their cots.

[Tamaroa]

I would be hard put to out do your wacky take on things!!! :D :D :D

Bill

[JeffL]

Wacky? :cd:

I resemble that remark! :p

'Tanks dere, but I merely report things to allow everyone else to make their own conclusions!

[SweetSue]

lolol.... me thinks you have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on your hands Jeffers!
Farthest north in Saskatchewan I have been is to Meadow Lake Provincial Park, north of Meadow Lake. Never been up in the 'real' north. Hubby has though. Went to a fly-in fishing camp with his work. He says they really did fish.... even brought some home.. but I dunnooooooooooo.... lolol

[JeffL]

Fly-in fishing camp. I've done that. It was about 25 years ago, and it was the first and only time I did it.

We drove up to Winnepeg the first day, then up to Riverton. We flew to a lake near the Ontario/Manitoba border where everyone else had been before. But not me.

Aside from having terminal heartburn from drinking everything but the lake the first night, the trip exceeded all of my expectations. I mean we REDEFINED alcohol consumption! One guy took his heart medicine with Jack Daniels!

We found a "hole" in which ANYTHING we used for bait (even a black, home-made piece of lead with a hook) caught a Northern EVERY time a line was put in. We returned a fish to the water if it wasn't at least 36" long. One time I thought I had hooked a Chevrolet Impala, but it was just an old, ugly Northern Pike with 100,000 teeth. Once, another guy and I hooked two different fish at the same time, and we swapped poles twice when they crossed each other under the boat. I netted mine and his jumped into the boat with us. What a sight - hooks flying, millions of teeth gnashing at us, and three guys paddling with their hands with their feet in the air.

I envy your hubby................

[SweetSue]

lolol I looked your description of your fishing trip! roflmao!
well.. i tell ya .. the next time his company goes on a fishing trip... I gonna go! I asbolutely love fishing! He detests fishing and only went because 'he had to'
t'ain't fair I say!

[JeffL]

I wish I "had to go."

I briefly listed only some of the things that happened on that trip, Sue. Catching 8 walleye for breakfast - paddling or outboarding back to camp at dusk or nightfall - looking up and seeing every star that ever existed - watching the Bald Eagles swoop down to catch fish - relaxing by the campfires and telling lies to each other about everything - drinking water right out of the lake - cooking breakfasts and suppers over the campfire, which burned 24 hours a day...I could go on and on.

You live in a special part of the world, Sue. "Civilization" is encroaching on you, but it'll be quite a while until things are spoiled up there. And Waz's surroundings - what can I say? I envy both of you; I live in Illinois, USA. 'Nuff said. Happiness for me will be Illinois in the rear view mirror when we head out west.

Even some our best family camping experiences were in Canada. Dianne and our daughter broadsiding our son and me in canoes on a completely deserted lake in Algonquin Provincial Park. (They had the whole damned lake, fer Pete's sake, and they STILL hit us!) Solving all of the world's problems over a campfire at Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia, with people from the US, Canada, Australia, England, Germany, and Ireland - all sharing a seafood meal and drinking beer around just one campfire on just one night!

I have to edit this: That night in Peggy's Cove was at the same time as the "total eclipse of the sun" described in Carly Simon's song. For us, the total eclipse was a washout; it got dark, but it was 100% overcast!

Aww, hell. Now you got me reminiscin'............ :re:

[JeffL]

I'm just a non-biased reporter, folks. Just the facts. :c:

Contrary to popular opinion, this will not be a "bare-bones" flight. Mae and Sue will be greeting everyone at the gate in their best non-attire! :ae:

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"Naked Air" passengers ready for take off
Fri Jan 17, 5:09 PM ET

HOUSTON (Reuters) - On Naked-Air, seatbelts aren't the only things coming off once the pilot switches off the sign.

Passengers aboard a May 3 chartered flight from Miami to Cancun, Mexico, dubbed "Naked-Air", will be free to drop their pants, shed their bras and underwear and move about the cabin au naturel.

Castaways Travel, a Houston-area travel agency that specialises in "clothing-optional trips," is offering what it bills as the world's first all-nude flight for $499 (309 pounds), round-trip.

"Once the aircraft reaches cruising altitude, you will be free to enjoy the flight clothes-free," the agency's website says.

But those thinking about engaging in monkey business on the trip are warned: "Inappropriate behaviour is not condoned for this nude flight."

Seats aboard the chartered Boeing 727-200 jet are reserved for the first 170 passengers, and the destination is an all-inclusive "Nude Week" vacation at the El Dorado Resort & Spa in Cancun.

Castaways bills Nude Week as the first event of its kind to be held Mexico. Guests at the resort on the Caribbean coast will only have to cover up when they are in the hotel's restaurants and reception areas. The bars are fair game for the naked and the nude.

Among the activities planned for Nude Week are "Caesar's Rampage/Toga night, a special "castaway" night ala Tom Hanks' movie, Karaoke night, PJ night, body painting plus lots more fun themes and games," the website promises.

Given the incredibly strict airport security that is now the rule in the U.S., passengers aboard "Naked-Air" should have it a bit easier -- none are likely to be carrying too much in their luggage.

[thebrad]

Not to drive this thread backwards or in circles... or all out ruin it... but I MUST refer all the way back to the banana article - This really distresses me. But only because I really like to EAT bananas, not because I like to put them in the freezer! (who says a banana can't have sex?!) .... "right up mine" I guess Jeff was right!

crap - there I go again, saying things I really shouldn't.

[JeffL]

"crap - there I go again, saying things I really shouldn't."

No, no, Grasshopper. Say what you mean, but mean what you say.

Hmmm..That sounds like a good principle...........

If bananas apeel to you, keep eating them, especially since they're apparently nearing the edge of extinction. Just remember to debone them first.

Back on topic: Do you want some in-flight pictures of Mae and Sue? :cd:

[catman]

Debone? what kind of bananas you eating Jeff?

[thebrad]

I've got TONS of pictures of Mae and Sue - I told them the photobooth was broke.... I didn't tell them it was just the flash, the camera was still working the whole time... all the times!

[JeffL]

I dunno. Got 'em on sale down at Safeway.

You may have pictures, but I'm talkin' 'bout PICTURES!!!!!!! :D :cl:

[thebrad]

I've got Playboy quality - your's must be Penthouse... I'll need to see those!

[JeffL]

Perhaps, Brad. But you'll have to wait until after all of your initial military training. I would not want to be responsible for you going AWOL due to horniness.

Sorry......... :c:

[thebrad]

There's saltpeter for that

[JeffL]

Q: What kind of work do you do?
A: I smell t-shirt armpits. I love my job!

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Smelly Armpits? Consider Botox Shots
CHICAGO (Reuters) - Botox shots commonly used to temporarily smooth facial wrinkles may also be an aid to those with smelly armpits, a German study said Monday.

Volunteers were asked to rate the intensity and "unpleasant" or "pleasant" odor of cut-out armpits from T-shirts worn by 16 people given shots with the botulinum toxin A -- known as Botox -- in one armpit and a harmless solution in the other.

Botox, a purified form of the toxin that causes botulism food poisoning, smooths wrinkles and paralyzes sweat glands by interfering with neurotransmitters and relaxing muscles.

According to the study, published in the journal Archives of Dermatology (news - web sites), the T-shirts were worn for a 24-hour period and rated from zero to six for smell intensity and minus-3 to plus-3 for the "unpleasant" or "pleasant" quality of the odor.

Study author Marc Heckmann of Ludwig-Maximilian University in Munich said the armpits scored an average 2.69 on the intensity scale before treatment, falling to 1.83 after treatment, study author Marc Kechmann of Ludwig-Maximilian University in Munich said.

As to smell quality, the scores averaged minus-1.14 before treatment and plus-0.46 after. The armpits were noticeably drier following the shots.
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Would your armpits be noticeable drier following, during or before the shots?


Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

[JeffL]

(Editorial comment at end of article.)

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The oldest paddlewheeler in the United States just keeps on rolling
Wed Jan 22,10:33 PM ET

By HUGH A. MULLIGAN, Associated Press Writer

PADUCAH, Kentucky - Still churning up America's most scenic rivers at age 77, the paddlewheeler Delta Queen just keeps on rolling as the nation's oldest and most beloved authentic steamboat.

By bragging rights common to most pilot houses, it really ought to be classified as a cat boat, having survived at least nine lives.

This varnished and polished wooden beauty, launched in Stockton, California, in 1925, entered service as a night boat between San Francisco and Sacramento. The Delta Queen joined the U.S. Navy in World War II to ferry soldiers and U.S. Marines bound for Iwo Jima and Guadalcanal out to troop ships in San Francisco Bay, then became a floating hotel for delegates from around the world launching the United Nations.

Like steamers armed during the Civil War, the Delta Queen was rigged out as a gunboat to put down a prison riot at Alcatraz. Still wearing its navy gray sailor suit, it was sold at auction in 1946 for $46,250 to Capt. Tom Greene, who ran a line of boats out of Cincinnati. He had it boxed up like a huge grand piano, loaded onto a barge and hauled 5,000 miles (8,000 kilometers), from the Pacific through the Panama Canal into the Gulf of Mexico, up the Mississippi and onto the Ohio by the ocean tug Osage.

Since then, all gussied up with gingerbread fretwork, stained glass transoms, three decks of quaint staterooms and a brass-clad calliope salvaged from the sunken showboat Water Queen, the Delta Queen has coddled generations of passengers, spinning rainbows from her stern wheel along countless miles (kilometers) of river and intercoastal waterways from St. Paul to Galveston, east as far as Pittsburgh.

In 1968, more than a million signatures on petitions from loyal passengers and faithful crew alumni, led by retired Delta Queen entertainer Phyllis Dale, resulted in an Act of Congress exempting it from a federal ban on wooden passenger ships.

And now, in just the past year, the Delta Queen has survived the most sinking blow of all: bankruptcy, which left her high and dry in New Orleans last January. Then, responding to a hurricane of Internet pleas on a steamboat fan Web site, along came Delaware North, a Buffalo, New York-based hotel and catering group which acquired the venerable Queen and its two younger and larger siblings, the Mississippi Queen and the American Queen.

"I guess she's just charmed, bless her wood-lined soul," says Capt. Mike Williams, taking a break from the bridge as the Delta Queen chugged along at 9 knots through the Barkley Canal connecting the Tennessee and Cumberland Rivers at Paducah.

"In Mark Twain's day, the average life of a riverboat was less than five years. Their boilers blew up, they caught fire, hit a snag and sank, or just got worn out carrying tons of cotton bales. But even the best of them, like the luxurious J.M. White with her crystal chandeliers and plush carpets, never had a following like this boat. We got 163 passengers aboard, and more than 100 of them are repeats. Some are making their 25th, even 30th cruise, and that's not uncommon."

We boarded this rare old beauty at Chattanooga for a 781-mile (1,257-kilometer) voyage down the Tennessee, Ohio, and Cumberland rivers, settling into the cozy and quaintly furnished stateroom with "Texas" embossed on the door. Since Texas entered the Union in 1845, riverboat cabins have been named for states, but the Delta Queen ? with 87 all outside cabins_ ran out states. So the extra cabins are named for celebrities who have bunked down there, like Princess Margaret, Helen Hayes, Van Johnson, President Jimmy Carter, who used the landing stage, the swinging gangplank, to campaign in Burlington, Davenport, and neighboring Mississippi River precincts.

The first morning out we awoke in a fog to find the Delta Queen "choking a stump," which is river talk for tied up to a tree along the bank. Capt. Williams decided to wait for the fog to lift before entering the Nickajack Gorge, known throughout Dixie as "the Grand Canyon of the South." Veteran river ramblers crowding the decks with cameras and camcorders argued whether this or the Mississippi heading up to St. Paul or the Columbia Gorge is America's prettiest stretch of river.

Flanked by hills and mountains in three shades of green, we passed forests of hickory, sweet gum, sumac and sassafras punctuated by an occasional cabin or fishing camp. Low flying herons flapped their enormous wings for our camera bugs, ospreys nested atop the buoys, cormorants dove for their dinner, turkey buzzards in formation provided a flying escort and naturalist Jim Williams, rarely seen without his binoculars, spotted a pair of bald eagles hovering over a high cliff.

Lulled by the mournful moan of our whistle or the strains of "Come Down to the Levee" on the calliope, parents hurried down to the banks so their small fry could wave in wonder. School buses paused for a peek. Sometimes a high school band or church choir serenaded us at a landing. At Savannah, Tennessee, ladies in plantation gowns twirling parasols adorned the landing where Gen. Ulysses S. Grant hopped on a riverboat to hurry to Pittsburgh Landing and the Battle of Shiloh.

Grant, raised on the Mississippi at Galena, Illinois, was a master at river warfare, moving ironclads studed with cannons and steamboats loaded with troops along both the Tennessee and the Cumberland. It seemed as if every day we were visiting another battlefield or calling at lovingly restored antebellum mansions.

En route to Nashville along these three so different rivers, Capt. Mike was on the bridge wing with his walkie-talkie as we passed through eight locks. Most memorable was the Wilson Lock below Decatur, Alabama, the world's second-highest, which lowered us 94 feet (28 meters) in the Tennessee River. (The highest is the John Day Dam on the Columbia with a 108-foot or 32-meter lift.)

At every lock, the Delta Queen got priority, jumping ahead of towboats pushing 15 barges, pleasure boats and sightseeing craft, not because of age or beauty, but because it has on board a U.S. post office with its own postmark.

"Keep those postcards coming if you don't want us sitting here all day," urged historian Karen "Toots" Maloy, who calls herself a "riverlorian" and kept us informed via the public address system on what was happening all around us.

Meals aboard, planned by a rotund chef in a tall white hat, featured juicy steaks and prime ribs but also Cajun-Creole favorites like shrimp remoulade, fried catfish and oysters, bread pudding with whiskey sauce, baked ham with hush puppies and, for breakfast, grits, omelets made to your specifications, and savory biscuits with sausage gravy.

The boat's interior decor evoked the golden age of steamboats with gilt-framed portraits of long-departed captains and their floating palaces, antique lamps, Victorian furniture, Tiffany chandeliers and rare Siamese ironwood floors in the dining room, which also doubled as a showboat theater. As required in steamboat lore, there was a grand staircase for ladies to preen elegant entrances. We floated serenely along in another century.

The ladies lounge and the smoking saloon of Mark Twain's era were deemed culturally unworthy of preservation ? smoking is permitted on the open deck only. The engine room, however, boasted cuspidor's last stand, a gleaming brass l00-year-old throat-clearing utensil not often in use.

"We got a rule down here: `PING IT AND YOU CLEAN IT,'" explained third engineer Jack Brooks from Slidell, Louisiana.

The Delta Queen is listed on the National Historic Register. It is the only national landmark found in a different place most days. Its crew loyalty almost exceeds the passengers'. More than half returned after a year on the beach, some like our waiter Victor giving up better paying jobs they had found during the bankruptcy layoff.

"They just love the old boat; they got mud in their blood," says Capt. Williams, who suffers from the same incurable affliction. He was born on the Mississippi at St. Louis, got a job as a deckhand on an excursion boat before he was into his teens, joined the Delta Queen as an apprentice carpenter in 1981 and worked his way up to the bridge, gaining a pilot's, then a master's license before he was 40.

Just then the calliope erupted with "Camp Town Races," reminding our captain that sometimes the refrains of the old steam piano fall on unwelcome ears but are music to the ears of lawyers. On a clear day the shrill siren song of the 112-year-old instrument can be heard eight to 10 miles (16 kilometers) away. Small towns love it, but in big cities it resonates off the tall buildings like a boom box on the window sill.

"We've had lawyers come down to the boat, saying the calliope interferes with business meetings and conferences," sighed Williams. "New Orleans now sets a time limit on when it can be played, and I hear Pittsburgh has an ordinance banning calliope playing."

There would have to have been a cuspidor handy to punctuate Mark Twain's reply to such blatant discrimination against the sacred, steam-pumped music of our American rivers.

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NOTE: Coast Guard officials will neither conform nor deny rumors that they are negotiating to have the Delta Queen replace one of the Coast Guard's Revolutionary War vessels.

:re:

[JeffL]

76-Year-Old Is Carded in Wisconsin

OAK CREEK, Wis. - Don Meyer was a little annoyed when a Pick 'n Save clerk here recently carded him in the liquor store.

He wasn't just upset because they carded him while he was buying nonalcoholic beer. He was upset because he's 76 years old.

"I tell you, I was really ticked off ? this little-by-little chipping away at your rights," the World War II veteran said.

Meyer won't be the only senior citizen getting carded now that 11 Pick 'n Save stores in Wisconsin have begun requiring clerks to card everyone who tries to buy alcohol.

Most alcoholic-beverage retailers ask for identification from patrons who appear younger than 30 or 40, but Pick 'n Save officials say they wanted to eliminate the chance of selling to someone underage.

"We've had a few complaints," said Robert Mariano, president and chief executive officer of Pick 'n Save's parent company, Roundy's Inc. "People may not like it, but they understand what we are trying to do. We're just trying to do the right thing."

Milwaukee Attorney Michael A.I. Whitcomb, who represents many clients with liquor licenses, said he has never heard of a store carding everyone.

"Practically speaking, I see no reason to instruct employees to card the AARP crowd," said Whitcomb.

[Tamaroa]

If you have not taken a riverboat cruise, you have no idea what you are missing! You must do it. I took a Civil War cruise on one of the Delta's big sisters, the Mississippi Queen. what a heck of a boat. For 8 days we sailed on the Tennessee, Ohio and Mississippi Rivers, We went through 4 states and each time we did we had cuisine from that state. There were 4 meals a day and just hanging out by the paddle wheel listening to the calliope - well I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Every day we had Civil War lectures in the morning by such notables as William C. Davis, John Y. Simon, Richard McMurray and Charles Roland. James Getty portrayed Lincoln and Mark Twain appeared as well played by a great riverlorian. And the food was out of this world!

Every morning around 8 AM, where ever they were in the river, the riverlorean would talk about that section. For example when we arrived at Paducah, we were entertained by how the town got its name from a local Indian chief. They had a press conference with Lincoln which I participated in and they had Civil War trivia quizzes daily. ..... and the food was out of this world!!

I could go on and on but I would bore you all to tears. By the time I left I was given a Mississippi Queen engineering hat and made an honorary Chief Engineer. I will never forget the time spent on her. We want to do it again but do a cruise to Minnesota this time.... and did I mention the food was out of this world!! :D :D :D



Regards,

Bill

[daniel topliffe]

jeff...now tell the truth...did you take a
deep breath or a coffee break in between those postings...wow
how's your weather???

dan