Christmas Cartoons.........

[thedrifter]

Nut Cracker
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch63.gif


It's RainDeer
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch65.gif


Santa's Lap Dogs
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch66.gif

[thedrifter]

Here Comes Santa Claus
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch67.gif



Green Dog
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch68.gif



Dashing thru a Red Lite
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch70.gif

[thedrifter]

The Rocket Scientists are here
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch71.gif





Dang Viagra!
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch72.gif




Silent Night
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch73.gif

[thedrifter]

The MistleTOE
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch74.gif



Nicki's Place
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch77.gif



Mr.Ed at the North Pole
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch78.gif

[thedrifter]

I'm FLOCKED!
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch82.gif



The Original NutCrackers
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch84.gif




Santa and Pok-e-mon
http://www.deep-end.com/archive/arch85.gif

[JeffL]

You really want to do this, Drifter? :D

Well, OK then........


Jeff

[kenmar]

Jeff, here's the companion card

[janecallanan]

Not a cartoon, but funny.


Law Offices
Badger, Bender and Cajole
303 Knave Street
Chicago, Illinois


December 24, 2001

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to
inflict upon our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total.

All future correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss
McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.

With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,

BADGER, BENDER AND CAJOLE


Encl. Don Bender

[JeffL]

I was gonna post that one! But I guess this one'll have to do...Jane took this picture of her neighbor in Buffalo last December.


Jeff

[kenmar]

Jeff, I don't want to start that WOW MAM thing again, but I think the women can be just as flatulent as us men......

[janecallanan]

Hey Jeff, that was the guy that I hire to plow, now that shoveling is a big no-no for me. He came with great references! (Although in the cold weather it was really hard to tell.) Go ahead, Ken, wag that finger!

[kenmar]

Originally posted by janecallanan
Go ahead, Ken, wag that finger!

Since you admit it's no big thing, I'll let it slide this time.

[janecallanan]

That's the spirit! See, winter's good for something. If it wasn't for the cold air, you'd have to be bragging right about now.

[JeffL]

I have that one, too.

You better watch out, though, because.............


Jeff

[kenmar]

Originally posted by janecallanan
That's the spirit! See, winter's good for something. If it wasn't for the cold air, you'd have to be bragging right about now.

Brag...not me, but sufficient to say, I can weatherany storm.

[JeffL]

Well, since this thread has seriously degenerated from its intended purpose:

How women view men.........

[kenmar]

Originally posted by JeffL
I have that one, too.
You better watch out, though, because.............
Jeff

Jeff, I know what your sayin', but ......

[janecallanan]

Geez, who posed for the pig picture? Sure nobody I ever met. You think he dresses right or left?

[kenmar]

Originally posted by janecallanan
Geez, who posed for the pig picture? Sure nobody I ever met. You think he dresses right or left?

Hard to say... but it seems like a good time for some Beer & Nuts at the Saloon.

[janecallanan]

Race ya to the Saloon!

[kenmar]

Look what we've done to Roger'sthread.:( :(

Poor Kieth won't be able to keep track of all the sicko's if we keep sneaking into seemingly wholesome threads:D:D:D:D

[Wazza]

I think you people are disgusting and I'm not drinking in this place again until you clean up the entertainment. It was once a fun place with Mae on stage, now we've got third rate amatuers as support acts doing the warm up lead in spot.

[kenmar]

Fear notwazza....the vice squad just arrived.

[janecallanan]

Waz, is that you in that car? I swear, I saw you peak out just now. If you come to the saloon, I think Mae will show. She's been waiting just for you.(Glad you didn't start the finger wagging like Ken, I couldn't keep two of you straight doing that!)

[JeffL]

Back on topic.........


Jeff

[JeffL]

Kinky reindeer...


Jeff

[JeffL]

Seatbelt...


Jeff

[JeffL]

Mexican gas....


Jeff

[JeffL]

and dis one.....


Jeff

[janecallanan]

Loved the kinky reindeer! I'm still chuckling!

[JeffL]

Ken, here's the ammo those Tennessee VW troopers use...


Jeff

[kenmar]

Jeff, I know a few that definitely need to be plugged....

[SEATJERKER]

...It's nice to know that men of your talents hold such high positions in Gov't,...

... Keep up the fine work, and expect a hefty bonus at the end of the year, your Company car will be ready at the dealership on Thursday, and your key to the exc. men's room will be on your desk in your new office by Friday....

[janecallanan]

SOUTHFIELD, MI?Bored with scaring elderly misers, the Ghost of Christmas Future is spending the holiday season taunting modern children with visions of Christmas 2016's hottest toy: the Sony PlayStation 5, a 2,048-bit console featuring a 45-Ghz trinary processor, CineReal graphics booster with 2-gig biotexturing, and an RSP connector for 360-degree online-immersion play.


Below:The Ghost of Christmas Future offers a pair of Phoenix 10-year-olds a tantalizing glimpse of the PS5.
"You know how kids are?a year is an eternity to them," the wraithlike specter said Monday during a visit to the Southfield home of 13-year-old Josh Kuehn. "So just imagine showing them something they'll have to wait 14 years for. Teasing them with a glimpse of the PS5 is the ultimate torture. They absolutely lose their minds. It's like saying, 'Hey, kid, you'll be an old man before you ever get to touch this.'"

The Ghost of Christmas Future said he has visited more than 125,000 homes since Thanksgiving, offering children an agonizing sneak peek at what they cannot have for another decade and a half.

"I like to appear in the living room with a PS5 hooked up to 2016's most popular TV, the 4'x8' Hi-Def Sony Titania," the Ghost said. "Then, I'll say in my best spooky voice, 'Jimmy! Behold what your kids will be playing while you're slaving away at an office job to support them!'"

Driving the children mad with PS5 lust, the Ghost said, is a multi-step process.

"I usually start by showing them Toteki Aluminum, one of the future's most popular fight-and-chase games," the Ghost said. "It's far from the best available in 2016, but it always blows their mind to see the guy get hit with the falling sign while the drops of sweat fly off his face. You can see the whole scene, distorted, in each of the individual drops. That gives them a good preliminary idea of the graphics technology we're dealing with."

The Ghost said he then likes to show Airsledz, a racing game in which jet-powered sleds whoosh through a four-dimensional racing course in the sky. The game, he said, enables the player to compete online against dozens of other players all around the world.

"They always ask if you can play it on the Internet?it's so cute how they still call it 'the Internet'?and I tell them, 'Hey, you can play this against 63 other PS5 owners simultaneously. At least you can in 14 years,'" the Ghost said. "And you should see their jaws hit the floor when they learn about the add-on accessories that enable users to actually fly around the room during gameplay."

Once the capabilities of the system are conveyed to the children, the Ghost likes to push them further over the edge by showing them games specially targeted to their age group.

Younger children, he said, salivate upon seeing Level One of Zonic Fugue. In it, Zonic, the indigo-colored son of Sonic The Hedgehog, faces off against Chuckles The Echidna in a Terrordactyl sky-joust, attempting to earn the Ankle Rockets he needs to gather the five Chaos Sapphires that, when combined, form the master key that opens the Melody Dome.

To break the spirits of children 12 and up, the Ghost runs a brief demonstration of Back To Werewolf Island. The horror-action thriller, he said, will be produced in full 10.8 Omneo sound and feature new music from 40 of 2016's hottest skagcore acts, including FU3P, Dredgerous, and Frances Cobain.

"Sometimes, the kids will start getting defensive and say, 'Yeah, well, I don't know any of those characters, so big deal,'" the Ghost said. "That's when I pull out DC vs. Marvel."

The Ghost said he shows the children a brief clip of DC vs. Marvel, in which cinema-realistic figures of Spider-Man and the Joker dash across impossibly detailed city streets, attacking each other with dozens of different offensive maneuvers while leaping, somersaulting, and throwing objects.

"They usually start trembling at that point," the Ghost said. "That's when I go in for the kill by casually mentioning that the game comes packaged with the 2016 feature film of the same name?not on DVD, of course, but on SCAP. Ten times better."

The few children unbroken by DC vs. Marvel are invariably finished off by the sight of Star Wars?Episode IX: Jedi Destiny, a game which employs the world's most advanced artificial-intelligence algorithm to place the player inside the film's climactic battle sequence on the planet Mon Jeedam.

"With more than 12,000 distinct soldiers, creatures, and vehicles fighting at once, and the option to command the New Republic Fleet, the Imperial Armada, or the Yuuzhan Vong Invasion Force, it's not merely the best Star Wars game that's ever existed; it's an interactive film that looks better than any movie that's ever been made. No child has failed to sob hysterically at the sight of it."

The PlayStation 5 will be available in stores Nov. 12, 2016, at a list price of ?399 New Dollars ($199 Canadian).

[janecallanan]

Aaron Booker of Dayton, OH, samples the PlayStation 5.

[janecallanan]

A Christmas Story.....
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual
trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got
sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the
regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being
behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This
stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he
found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped
the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and
the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Totally
frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot
of whiskey.
When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hit the liquor
and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the
coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the
kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten
the straw it was made from.
Just then the door bell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the
door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great
big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this
tree fat man?"
And that, my friend, is how the little angel came to be on top of the
Christmas tree.

[JeffL]

They're comin' in fast 'n furious! These are from my 80-year old neighbor!


Jeff

[JeffL]

and........


Jeff

[JeffL]

and......


Jeff

[JeffL]

Take care of the tree.....


Jeff

[JeffL]

Cleaning tip from Santa...


Jeff

[JeffL]

Ribbit.........


Jeff

[JeffL]

Santa COULD be a little late...


Jeff

[JeffL]

I KNEW something was wrong! I just glimpsed this little guy sneaking 'round the corner of the house, near the woods...


Jeff

[kenmar]

Click the link for a Merry Christmas message from a very musical Santa!

http://www.globespeed.net/~kenmar/xmas.htm

[janecallanan]

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a
perfect
courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their
perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed
someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple,
they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple
loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving
along delivering toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect
couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the
accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer...






The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed
in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there
is
no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the
end
of the joke.


Men keep'a scrollin'...






So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect
woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car
accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this
illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

[masher51]

Gee ,us men really take a beating :D

[thedrifter]

http://people.vanderbilt.edu/~brandon.d.bowlin/wisemen.jpg