Got two new ones - don't take offense
 

I get some jokes every now and then some are good other's we've all heard before..



#1

When you have an
'I Hate My Job day'


[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]

Try this out:

Stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase
a rectal thermometer made by
Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and
disconnect the phone so
you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable
clothing and sit in your favorite
chair. Open the package and
remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table
or a surface so that it will not
become chipped or broken.


Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from
the box and read it carefully.

You will notice that in small
print there is this statement:


"Every Rectal Thermometer
made by Johnson & Johnson
is personally tested
and then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat
out loud five times,' I am so glad
I do not work in the thermometer
quality control department at
Johnson & Johnson.'

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER,
THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE
WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A
PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS!


If you haven't got a smile on your face
and laughter in your heart...

Maybe you should go and work for Johnson and Johnson

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. This one you may have heard already (ladies don't take this seriously)

Larry the Fighter Pilot


A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"


Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire,
go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari
worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris,
a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while
banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."



The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response
from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to
continue with the lesson.



"And how about you, Sarah?"




Her reply: "I wanna be Larry's whore"