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wrbones 02-09-2003 12:08 PM

lost boy
 
>

> > A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He
> > approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost
> > my dad!"
> >
> > The cop asked, "What's he like?"
> >
> > The little boy replied, "Beer and pussy!"
> >
> >
>
>
>

wrbones 02-09-2003 12:11 PM

a night on the town
 
Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser".

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around
Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

nang 02-09-2003 04:12 PM

That last one was cold! :ab:

wrbones 02-09-2003 05:35 PM

I thought it was funny! :D

wrbones 02-10-2003 07:15 PM

The story of my life :D
 
A talk with God
>
>A man was taking it easy, laying on the grass and looking up at the
>clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God.
>
> "God," he said, "how long is a million years?"
>
> God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."
>
> The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"
>
> God answered, "To me, it's a penny."
>
> The man then asked, "God, can I have a penny?"
>
> God answered, "In a minute.

wrbones 02-10-2003 08:04 PM

Havin' a bad day
 
>
> This little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink. He's been
> sitting there for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver
> steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.
>
> The poor little guy starts crying.
>
> "Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck driver.
> "I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
>
> "This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I
> can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting,
> so
> my boss fired me.
>
> When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no
> insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered I
had
> forgotten my wallet in it.
>
> At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener.
>
> So I came to this bar and was thinking about putting an end to my life,
and
> you show up and drink the damn poison."

thedrifter 02-12-2003 06:14 AM

SLEEPY MARINE....................................

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time." Said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

wrbones 02-15-2003 10:27 AM

A redhead joke
 
>
>
>
>
> A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body
> hurts
> > wherever she touches it.
> > Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and
> pushes
> her
> > elbow and screams
> > in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and
> screams.
> > Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
> >
> > The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "No," she
> says,
> > "I'm actually a blonde."
> >
> > "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken".
>

wrbones 02-15-2003 10:34 AM

a single woman
 
>
> A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected a quart
of
> milk, a carton of eggs, juice, and a package of bacon.
>
> As she was unloading her items on the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk
> standing behind her, watched as she placed her items in front of the
> cashier.
> He said, "You must be single."
>
> The woman, a bit startled, but intrigued, looked at her four items on the
> belt, and seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections said,
> "Well, y'know, that's right. But how on earth did you know that?"
>
> The drunk said, "Cause you're uglier 'n shit."
>
>
>

wrbones 02-15-2003 09:44 PM

a red neck valentine poem
 
Subject: Happy Valentine from Bubba

Poem

Straight from L.A. (Lower Alabama)

Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales but I luvs you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
we go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special, you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!

Luv, from yor romeo






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