more male bashing, but kinda funny
 

CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LOCAL LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZE WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays.
Step-by-step, with Slide Presentation
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 P.M.

Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday at 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor/Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
(Note: this class meets at Irish's Brew Pub on 16th Street)

Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor.
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics
Meeting are Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink?
Video & Classes for men.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6: Loss of Identity - Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.

Class 7: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with looking in the right places instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours

Class 8: Health Watch - Bringing her flowers is NOT harmful to your health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost.
Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Class 10: Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly while she parallel parks?
Driving Simulations. 4 weeks,
Saturday noon, 2 hours.

Class 11: Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.



Class 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion.
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing techniques. Proper techniques for holding her purse.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going to be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Now this is IS funny!
 

Both were great posts good for a laugh.

agreed some funny ones there :D

Doc
Im just glad I was able to hit the rocks in the upper left hand corner of the picture...
Bob K

Now,
I really liked the second one! So did my 15 yr. old.
But as a single parent with a bunch of boys around, I can identify too well with the first. It ain't male bashing. Personally, I could never find a big enough bat to get the point across! In it! Not at it! And how did the toothpaste get on the outside of the bathroom door!?!

Bob K,

Yeah, you can do that online but can you do it for real, or do you just get your shoes wet?:w:

The Computer
 

<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English,<SPAN class=GramE> nouns</SPAN> are designated as either masculine or feminine. </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O /><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">"House" for instance, is feminine -- "la maison." "Pencil<SPAN class=GramE>" ,</SPAN> however, is masculine -- "le crayon." </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups,<SPAN class=GramE> male</SPAN> and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine<SPAN class=GramE> gender</SPAN> ("la computer"), because: </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">1. <SPAN class=GramE>no</SPAN> one but their creator understands their internal logic; </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">2. <SPAN class=GramE>the</SPAN> native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">3.<SPAN class=GramE> even</SPAN> the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">4. as soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half<SPAN class=GramE> your</SPAN> paycheck on accessories for it. </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be <SPAN class=GramE>Masculine
(</SPAN>le computer"), because: </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">1. <SPAN class=GramE>in</SPAN> order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">2. <SPAN class=GramE>they</SPAN> have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">3. they are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE<SPAN class=GramE> the</SPAN> problem; and </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">4. as soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><O:P></O:P></SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">The women won</SPAN>
<P class=MsoNormal>---------------------------------------------------------------------
<P class=MsoNormal>I remember taking French in Grammer and High School. I could never figure out that feminine / masculine thing until I came to the conclusion that if you could have sex with it, in it, or on it, it was feminine; if you couldn't do that, it was masculine.
<P class=MsoNormal>Today, when people ask me if I know any French, I answer, "I know quite a bit of French...and I can even speak the language!"

Doc.... I've often been referred to as Captain Kirk by numerous women because.......Are you ready for this one.....
.
.
.
I go where no man has been before!!!!

Bob K

Bob,

With the promiscuity so prevelent in today's society, you'd damn near have to look in grade schools to find a gal like that. Unless, of course, you're talkin' grazin'!!!