Monday Morning Funnies.....
 

Life In Alaska


Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years.
Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys
50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as
possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets
groceries once a month.

Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation,
someone knocks on his door. He opens It and sees a
huge, bearded man standing there "Name's Lars, your
neighbor from forty miles up the road...Having a
Christmas party Friday night...Thought you might
like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm
ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you
there's gonna be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the
business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More
'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right.
I'll be there. Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too."

"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming
to the idea "I've been all alone for six months! I'll
definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife
asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."


"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.



"But what about the smell?"


"Just hold its nose."



The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with
died at the scene.