A Simplistic Guide to Religious Doctorine
 

Taoism: Shit Happens!

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens!"

Buddhism: It is only an illusion that shit happens.

Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Jehova'sWitness: Knock, Knock, "Shit Happens!"

Atheism: There is no such thing as shit.

Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, and maybe not.

Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.

Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?

Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen.

Rastafarianism: Smoke that shit!

Could be wrong, but I've got an idea that you now happen to be on Keith shit list.