[SEATJERKER]

...you all covered a lot of ground flailing at different sujects, and Your all right, your all wrong....

...To have served in Vietnam, and survived is the greatest asset you all have...,...after that, you were all back to only yourself defending yourselves cause you were forced into hiding your military service in the back of your minds not letting it self rise due to the "myth's" that have engulfed you... all through the tide of "public" personna, and down the "long road", it has taken a toll on a great many, but not as many as there could be, who knows how many are still just simmering out there hiding within themselves saying "I can do this on my own", and letting it manifest within them getting even worse...
...This thread touches on AO, and PTSD, and Vietnam etc, and tying it all together, lump summing it, doesn't make for any "easy" explanations...
...I don't believe for a second that only guys in the bush were the only one's "EXPOSED" to AO, there had to be at least 10 others before it hit the weeds that handled it, transfered it, splilled it, etc, and SIS is right, how many of you actually know the chemical compositions, and "half life" after it was sprayed, and what the dormancey period was until it was innert etc...

...as far as D+A, I'm sure that you guys in the bush were as scared straight as could be, and I don't care how much pot you smoked, when you head out, your fog lifted quick...drunks are picked out real quick anywhere, and if I was heading out into a CZ, I'd be sniffing breath, and knowing where my buddies were the night before...

..Now, as far a PTSD is concerned, I know it , I have it, and it sucks... It's the PTS that is early, and with proper counseling EARLY ENOUGH, you can make some heads, or tails with your life from the moment that the"trumatic" incident occures,... It's when it lays dorment for years, and years that is twists your grey matter into the "disorder" portion of it...

...I'm a LITTLE edgy by all of this, and bear with me, or not...

...By all of the contrasts , I'm just the snot nosed kid around here, but am more aware of the problems of PTSD then probably most.
...I've had it for 23 + years, and didn't know it, scared to close my eyes every night, living everyday walking out the door ready to wax the first jerk that looks crosseyed. never understanding why...
...denying every association of PTSD cause it was only for combat vet's, being moral about it, being honorable about it because it was solely reserved for those that were in combat, wrong, took it all in stride for the first 18 years until it was find help, or cash in the chips...
...still ashamed to accept the "FACT" of what I had, not being deserving made it even worse...I still feel guilty being a graduate of the "VIETNAM VETERANS RECOVERY PROGRAM", and I was never in fuckin Vietnam,... it feels like they pinned your buddy's medal on you, can any of you relate to that?... do I know the Missisippi scale yes, do i know the keane scale, yes, do I remember, I just spent 5 funkin minutes holding down an asshole that just blew a hole in another asshole, no I'm not supposed to remember him pissing all over me, and not being able to let go, I'm not supposed to remember my fuckin arm tearing out as i'm holding him down, I'm not supposed to remember his buddy blowing my brains out in my fuckin nightmare every night, so don't tell me PTSD isn't real...
...everyone deals with it their own way, me, I gotta vent, or i'm gonna blow, it's a day, by day thing, and I'm sorry for spewing...

...remember, it was just yesterday................