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Originally posted by ArtySgt James, There you go with another ultimatum, can't we all just get along ?
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"First I was a hippe then I was a stockbroker, now I am a hippie again"
The Bobs
I want to make some big changes here for the positive and I can only do it on myself--lets just see who REALLY has civic improvement in mind, heck I can be 19 times as humble as the next person. I only want to make this better and I can see I am responsible for this (self) and want to get off it.
I want you to know who I really I am and who I really am is James G Worth and I wish I knew how to change the name from exlrrp to that because I will do it, like Keith. Thats the way to show integrity and learn to watch what you say
I think hiding behind a made up name gives me too much latitude to hurt other people anonymously. I want to cut through that shit. For too long, Ive been niceynice everyplace but come here to use this placeas a little secret SinCity where I can roll around in my worst defects.
I learned to hurt people really really badly in the army. It didn't take much connection of the dots to figure out what they wanted with all the grenades and claymores and pistols and rifles.
I don't know how other people think--my god I think I come from the moon on some things-- but it was impossible not to pick up on this concept. I got to be very good at it, good enough, anyway. You'll have to take my word on that. Thats whats taking me so long to get over
I always generalize from my own experience (and of course I'm the only one) and only want to talk to people who will admit that because they are alive to the possiblity there may be other views, equally as valid as his.If not, just go your way in peace
I want to go into every argument at least considering the possiblity the other person may be right and at the minimum BELIEVES he's right.
And boy do I often fail. Its a constant job to keep trying to open my mind, I always want to think: Ah HAA Now I know it all. But I know it all RIGHT NOW and then that moment passes and there's more to learn. Then I laugh,because who could POSSIBLY know it all? The more I know, the more I know I don't know.
I think there's a differeent reality for all of us and we all struggle in life. The war made me into a very cynical hard person at a very young age, I think thats safe to say
Consider this metaphor:
There's a Colonel with a big medal marching at the front of a parade, all spitshined and polished to the nth degree, marching proudly with his eyes rigidly to the front
And way in the back theres a short man whose name starts with W with scuffed shoes and tarnished brass limping along and looking around to see where's a place where he can catch a cold one after this bullshits over. A completely different reality while looking at the same thing at the same place at the same time.
That would be an excellent metaphor for the Time Of My Subscription To The Vietnam War (aka The Most Incredible Days Of My Life) no doubt about it. The longer I warred, the less enthusiastic I was about it and I NEVER liked it, sorry if it lost the war.
Well who had the better view of the parade, the Colonel or the Sp4? Who saw it all with greater perspective,, including his own part? The spear carrier in the 32d row?
Do you think the Col was smarter than the Sp4? (some might, including the Sp4, for a while)
What changed my mind so much in life is AA because AA and all the 12 step programs are based on God and asking for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out. When I'm sane enough to do this I can look at the havoc I create and make amends and try to do better. When I'm running on selfwill run riot like sometimes I can create great havoc--trust me on this too) and then I have to apologize, make amends, and try to make things better.
I am sorry where Ive caused harm. If you think I owe you amends, say it in a loving way that respects me and you will get it. I only want to look at my own part, others can abide
That is working the AA program the way my sponsor wants me to and the way I want to
God Bless, gotta run more to say later
James
Notice the tradmark Diet Pepsi in the Photo