[wrbones]

A feller?d be better off buyin? a pig.

?Mornin? folks! How the hell are ya this mornin?, anyways? Coffee?s on, and it ain?t too bad this mornin?, either. Well. Grab yerself a cup and get ya some! If?n ya can?t keep up with me, how do ya expect to keep up with anybody else? Paper?ll be along after a bit, I reckon. I gots first dibs onna funny pages, too.

Well, I don?t rightly know where we?re a goin? this mornin?. I see where somebody finally figgered out that Terri Shiavo is bein? used fer political purposes. The Berkshire Eagle has a column on that. ?Course, somehow, Terri Shiavo bein? inna shape she?s in is all Bush?s fault. First it was hurricanes, then it was earthquakes, and now it?s Bush?s fault fer not raisin? folks from the dead. Some of you folks need to be on them drugs the government?s gonna make ya take! ?I wonder what they?d say if GW walked in there and said, ?Be healed.? ?and she got out of bed and started dancin?? Then they?d call him be a demon from hell a doin? false miracles, I reckon? ?Course, if ya don?t believe in that sort of thing, how can ya?anyways? I wonder about you folks sometimes. (It?s not about Bush; it?s not about Shiavo. It?s about yer thinkin?, ya dipsticks.)

I was gettin? some of those email alerts from one of them third party candidates. I can?t spell his name right. Shoot. I can?t even pronounce it! He hasn?t got a chance just on that count alone. Folks needs easy names to keep track of. Truman. Kennedy. Nixon. Ford. Carter. Reagan. Bush. Clinton. Kerry. Dean. Things like that. None of them fellers with the three and four syllable names ever get elected president anymore, ya know. If I was runnin? a political party, I?d pay attention to that trend. Ain?t no wonder them folks in power treat ya like yer idjits? I reckon a candidate name of ?Cat? would be right popular amongst ya. Kindergarten? First grade? C.A.T.? ?I don?t know why I even bother with ya?

Anyways, he was rantin? and ravin? over stuff, and makin? claims on bein? a Christian. Well, I don?t mind that last so much, but I figger a real Christian woulda made some more sense than alla that. Puttin? onna mind of Christ is all about not bein? stupid nor actin? ignorant no more. Ya see, some of what he was a goin? on about just doesn?t have anything to do with reality. He was ignorin? the law, ignorin? the Constitution, and all sorts of stuff like that. He was even ignorin? the Bible fer that matter! It also revealed that he doesn?t know anything about what?s goin? on overseas. He doesn?t have a foreign policy. In other words, he?s not a man I?d like to have runnin? the country? Most of them third parties are like that. They ain?t got a comprehensible domestic policy, and they can?t come up with a coherent foreign policy. All ya gotta do is to listen to ?em rant and rave, and they?ll tell ya all about how much they don?t know that they don?t know.

That?s one of the main reasons that a third party feller ain?t got a chance no more. You get to visitin? with any of ?em fer any length of time, you?ll find out that they just want to ?replace the bastards? with their own selves. That?s about it fer alla changin? that they wanta do. There?s been a couple of them third parties the last few years that wanted me to get all involved with ?em. If?n ya ask ?em a couple of questions somewhere along the way, you?ll find out the same things I did about ?em. ?Do you have a platform? Do you have a domestic policy? Do you have a foreign policy? What is your plan for change once you?re elected?? They can?t answer most of those kinds a questions directly. Them just sayin? ?Yes,? or, ?We?re working on it.? is not an answer.

They get to rantin? and ravin?, and tell all about how, ?The bastards gotta go! We?ve got to change things!? ?but they don?t have a plan. ?And they don?t have anything resemblin? any kind of coherent domestic or foreign policy. Ya start gettin? into detailed questions about those kinds a things, and they ain?t got an answer. Ya got nuthin? to contribute third party folks. If?n I was a runnin? a debate, I wouldn?t let ya inna door either. Am I against third party politicians? Nope. I?m against stupidity. I?ve visited with all y?all enough to know that all that yer really interested in is bein? a big fish in somebody else?s pond. It?s not about anything else but yer thinkin?, ya see.

If?n ya wanta change things, ya gotta have a plan. Ya gotta have a strategy. Ya gotta have a vision. Ya gotta have a foreign and domestic policy that is comprehensive and detailed. ?and ya can?t let every idjit that comes along join up with ya when ya first start out, ?cause all most of ?em are there to do is to cause trouble. Who ya got runnin? things in yer party tells a lot about what kinda leader ya got as a candidate, too. It tells what kinda manager ya got as a candidate.

One of them new third parties out there tried to get me to join up with ?em recent-like. Everything that I?ve mentioned this mornin? that?s a negative, they got goin? for ?em. The ones I was talkin? about earlier has been around fer awhile. From the oldest third party among ya to the newest, it?s all the same with you folks. If I were investin? inna business, I wouldn?t touch any of ya with a twenty-nine and a half foot pole. Ya lookit the people, ya lookit the ?business plan,? and ya lookit the ?prospectus,? and there ain?t nuthin? there to invest in.

Until you third party folks get a clue and start in a thinkin?, a feller?d be better off buyin? a pig. It won?t be as stinky, it won?t cost near as much, and once ya slaughter it, ya done know where the pork went when yer eatin? yer breakfast inna mornin?. If one of you third parties ever gets a clue, a feller best hang on to his hat, I figger, ?cause things is a gonna get right interestin?! It?ll be a helluva ride. Especially if?n one of ya is actually devoted to this nation, and to the cause of freedom.

?And don?t be a makin? stuff up about what the Bible says. Read the dang thing first, will ya? Jeez?how ignorant can ya get? Just ?cause you don?t know what it says, don? mean everybody else don?t. Talk about bein' elitist. The way you people think, sometimes?

Warm up yer coffee, folks! It?s a new day! We?ve got another chance to get ?er all sorted out. We?ve got another opportunity to get it right. Make sure ya take advantage of it