[bigblackbravo]

> >
> > On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian
> > aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
> > middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What
time
> > is it?"
> >
> > The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What
difference
> > does it make?"
> >
> > The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
> >
> > If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
> > If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
> > If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
> > If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is
> > on the 3.
> > If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120
minutes to
> > "Happy Hour."
> >
> > *********************
> >
> > During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back
> > road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel
at the
> > wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled
alongside.
> >
> > "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
"Yours
> > is."
> >
> > ****************************
> >
> > Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at
> > his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new
position,
> > the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then
said
> > into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and
I'll
> > pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good
wishes,
> > sir."
> >
> > Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man,
he
> > asked, "What do you want?"
> >
> > "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
your
> > telephone."
> >
> > **********************
> >
> > Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
> > Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
> > Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
> > Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
> > Soldier: "No, SIR!"
> >
> > ********************************
> >
> > Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
> > A: He'll tell you.
> >
> > Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots
> > A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
> >
> > Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
> > A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
> >
> > ****************************
> >
> > An Air Force Chief Master Sargent and a General were sitting in the
> > barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves,
when the
> > barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
> >
> > The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
think
> > I've been in a whorehouse!"
> >
> > The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My
wife
> > doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
> >
> > ****************************
> >
> > "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I
suppose
> > after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to
die
> > so you can come and piss on my grave."
> >
> > "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm
never
> > going to stand in line again!"