Choking in a Restaurant

[82Rigger]

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they
talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at
a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a
minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shakes her head NO. "Kin ya breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head NO.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the
back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right
butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, "Ya know, I heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"

[1CAVCCO15MED]

Did it onced meself. It shore did work but I never got one leetle thankee. Her feller didn't seem to like me doin it much.

[Chevelle]

...One day Bill complained to his friend "My elbow really hurts, I should go see a Doctor" his friend offered"don't do that, There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker, and cheaper then a doctor, and it only cost ten dollars, simply put a sample of your urine, and the computer will do the rest...

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with urine, and went to the drug store, finding the computer, he poured in the sample, and deposited the ten dollars, The computer started making a noise, and lights flashed, after a brief pause, out poured a small slip of paper on which was printed

"YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW. SOAK YOUR ARM IN WARM WATER"
"AVOID HEAVY LIFTING, AND IT WILL BE BETTER IN TWO WEEKS"


...Late that evening while thinking how amazing new technology was, and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if the mechine could be fooled, He deceided to give it a try, He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife, and daughter, to top it off, he masterbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, poured in the sample, and deposited thye ten dollars. The computer again made the usual noise, and out printed the message,...


...YOUR TAP WATER IS TOO HARD
...GET A WATER SOFTENER
...YOUR DOG HAS WORMS
...GET HIM VITAMINS
...YOUR DAUGHTER IS USING COCAINE
...PUT HER IN A REHABILITATION CLINIC
...YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT WITH TWIN GIRLS
...THEY AREN'T YOURS
...GET A LAYWER
...AND IF YOU DON'T STOP JERKING OFF, YOUR TENNIS ELBOW IS NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER,...

... ,...

...

[Jerry D]

(LOL) thats some good funnies