A Little Air Humor For Those Fly-Jockies

[travisab1]

Airplane Repair Logs

These are entries from mechanics logs for repairs done on airplanes:

Discrepancy: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Corrective Action: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Discrepancy: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Corrective Action: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Discrepancy: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Discrepancy: "Something loose in cockpit."
Corrective Action: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Discrepancy: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Corrective Action: "Evidence removed."

Discrepancy: "Number three engine missing."
Corrective Action: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Discrepancy: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Corrective Action: "Volume set to more believable level."

Discrepancy: Dead bugs on windshield.
Corrective Action: Live bugs on order.

Discrepancy: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
descent.
Corrective Action: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Discrepancy: IFF inoperative.
Corrective Action: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Discrepancy: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Corrective Action: That's what they're there for.

Thought you'd wanna know.
Travis :cl:

[revwardoc]

Travis,

How in the world did you get hold of my old maintanence log books from Norton AFB? Many of them are familiar, especially the one about the hydraulic leak. Lockheed aircraft engineers, with all their aeronautical degrees, would authorize a leak if they couldn't figure out a way to stop it. With that in mind (I don't remember if I've told the story here), I had to do a "pressure release" on my bladder shortly before the flight crew arrived. Since we weren't allowed to use the plane's sanitary facilities (no one could ever give me a definitive answer on that) and there was no time to get to the men's room, I opened my pressure release valve just to the rear of the left main gear. The flight engineer, for some reason, would identify fluids by taste rather than color. When he say what he thought was a leak, he dipped his fingers in it and tasted it. I saw him squatting down and asked if there was a problem. He said he couldn't figure out what the leak was. I moved to a relatively safe distance and told him. He proceeded to vomit everything he had eaten since age five. After that incident, he asked first.

[travisab1]

revwardoc;
Still being the carrier of more than 1/2 sane mine. In Yahoo Groups Joke Files 3, I joined this group because it had jokes closest to the one's I still like. I find the need of a laugh a day to help me get through it.

What you said about the tasting to determine where it came from reminds me of the guy saying, "That's piss, but whoever did it was drinking Coors".

That particular joke came from, "Joke Files 3", Yahoo Groups for January 31, 2004. I'm glad you could relate to it as being a part of your past. This proves that this truly is a small world now does it not?

Have a good weekend Doc.

Regards,
Travis

[Dragon Lady]

Dan,
If I had a dollar for every time I signed the log with a "Lockheed fix" aka CND (can not duplicate) I'd be a very rich woman!

Thanks for the chuckles Trav!

DL

[revwardoc]

DL,

We used to say, "Lockheed for leadership; Boeing for airplanes!"

[HARDCORE]

TRAVIS -

"Loved it" - sent it off to my youngest son who attends an aeronautical university out of state!!

VERITAS

[BLUEHAWK]

Tee Hee :-)

[travisab1]

HARDCORE;
Thanks. I too think it funny. Unlike BLUEHAWK, I found it hard to contain myself. Reminds me of my #1 piston missing in my 302 only on a smaller basis. There were still signs of compression tho missing it was.

Travis

[Desdichado]

* Problem: "Number three engine missing."
* Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

That was on the list I got in my mail. Can't say if any of 'em is true, but they is worth a chuckle.