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#1
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Domesic Violence/Types of Abuse
BASIC INFORMATION ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Many of you may know a family member or friend that is involved in an abusive relationship. You too may be a victim of domestic violence. Know the signs of abuse so that you may seek counseling and GET out of the relationship! EMOTIONAL ABUSE Although the signs of emotional abuse are very difficult to see, this abuse can be far more damaging, devastating to the victim. Emotional abuse can control the decisions of the victim long after the abuser is out of the picture. Without counseling the victim may never recover from this form of abuse. Emotional abuse involves intimidation, coercion and threats: 1. The abuser threatens to physically hurt the victim 2. The abuser threatens to leave 3. The abuser threatens to take away the children 4. The abuser threatens to report the victim to different authorities 5. The abuser threatens to take or break the victim's belongings 6. The abuser threatens to commit suicide 7. The abuser threatens to cut off finances 8. The abuser hurts or kills pets 9. The abuser displays weapons 10. The abuser hurts themselves 11. The abuser makes the victim do illegal things The abuser isolates the victim: 1. The abuser controls what the victim does 2. The abuser controls who the victim sees and talks to 3. The abuser controls what the victim watches and reads 4. The abuser controls where the victim goes 5. The abuser controls the victim outside involvement 6. The abuser calls home throughout the day to make sure the victim has not left the house The abuser uses "male privilege": 1. The abuser treats the victim like a servant 2. The abuser makes all the big decisions 3. The abuser defines the role of the wife and husband 4. The abuser acts like the "master" of the castle The abuser denies responsibility: 1. The abuser makes light of the abuse 2. The abuser does not take the victims concerns seriously 3. The abuser denies the abuse happened The abuser blames the victim for the abuse, saying "you made me do it". PHYSICAL ABUSE This is the easiest type of abuse to identify because it usually, but not always, leaves visible signs on the victim. Many victims are treated in the emergency room but are afraid to tell how they got hurt. 1. The abuser uses their body to bump into the victim 2. The abuser grabs at and yanks on the victim 3. The abuser hits, kicks, pushes, pulls out hair of the victim 4. The abuser uses objects to hit the victim The abuser uses "lethal" weapons (knives, guns) to hurt the victim VERBAL ABUSE -The abuser puts down the victim -The abuser calls the victim names -The abuser uses loud voices and screaming to intimidate the victim -The abuser uses foul language -Some of the things that are verbal abuse are also emotional abuse. 1. The abuser humiliates the victim in public 2. The abuser tries to make the victim think they are crazy by using lies 3. The abuser accuses the victim of having affairs 4. The abuser tells the victim they do not know how to do things correctly 5. The abuser denies saying things when the victim wants to talk about them later SEXUAL ABUSE -The abuser forces the victim to do things she/he does not like -The abuser forces the victim to have sex against their will -The abuser attacks, verbally and physically, the sexual parts of the victims body -The abuser treats the victim like a sex object ECONOMIC ABUSE The abuser may keep the victim from getting or keeping a job. 1. The abuser gets the victim in trouble at work by calling throughout the day 2. The abuser comes to work and gets the victim into trouble 3. The abuser causes the victim to miss work 1. The abuser refuses to let the victim leave the house 2. The abuser has left bruises and the victim is embarrassed to go to work 4. The abuser does not let the victim have transportation The abuser may keep control of the money: 1. The abuser makes the victim ask for money 2. The abuser gives the victim an allowance and then monitors the spending. The abuser may not let the victim know about or have access to the family money. |
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#2
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THANK YOU,
My Step Daughter is going through a divorce now and this fits her purpose to a "T" of what is going on. enough............
__________________
What am I doing here?? |
#3
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Good Evening Reeb,
I am sorry to hear about your step daughter. It seems she is doing the right thing and that is getting out. The second decision for her should be to seek counseling. There are many non profit organizations that will provide her counseling and domestic violence classes. Additionally, there are women support groups that offer assistance in many departments ie., emergency housing and assisting with court appointed protection orders. I would recommend your entire family support her during these difficult times. She may want to go back to him. The chances of her doing that are greater than her not. Her family should act as her sounding board and be her pillar of strength. Lastly, Should she not receive some form of counseling for the abuse, the probability of her finding another abuser is very likely. She must break away from the violence altogether. I wish your step daughter wellness and strength. Philly |
#4
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Independence Day
Independence Day
(Gretchen Peters) recorded by Martina McBride Well she seemed all right by dawns early light Though she looked a little worried and weak She tried to pretend he wasn't drinkin' again But daddy left the proof on her cheek And I was only eight years old that summer And I always seemed to be in the way So I took myself down to the fair in town On Independence Day Well word gets around in a small, small town They said he was a dangerous man But mama was proud and she stood her ground She knew she was on the losin' end Some folks whispered and some folks talked But everybody looked the other way And when time ran out there was no one about On Independence Day Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning Let the week be strong, let the right be wrong Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay it's Independence Day Well she lit up the sky that fourth of July By the time that the firemen come They just put out the flames, and took down some names And sent me to the county home Now I ain't sayin' it's right or it's wrong But maybe its the only way Talk about your revolution It's Independence Day Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay it's Independence Day Roll the stone away It's Independence day
__________________
Thomas Jefferson, Kentucky Resolutions of 1798: "In questions of power then, let no more be heard of confidence in man, but bind him down from mischief by the chains of the Constitution." |
#5
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Domestic Violence, Mental Abuse, Co-Dependancy
I have done way tooooo much counciling with women, and occassionally men who are in an abusive relationship.
1. Abuse is not to be tolerated. GET OUT and Quick! 2. Co-dependancy. Ladies you can't change him. Any woman or man getting into a permanent relationship with the idea that they are going to change him/her is living in a fantasy world big time. If they have serious falts. Break Off the Relationship before it becomes serious! This is serious professional advice from a professional. reeb: I'm glad she is getting out. You can't change a jerk, it would just get worse until someone gets hurt. Keith |
#6
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A Broken Wing
A Broken Wing
(James House/Sam Hogin/Phil Barnhart) recorded by Martina McBride She loved him like he was The last man on Earth Gave him everything she ever had He'd break her spirit down Then come lovin' up on her Give a little, then take it back She'd tell him about her dreams He'd just shoot 'em down Lord he loved to make her cry You're crazy for believin' You'll ever leave the ground He said, Only angels know how to fly And with a broken wing She still sings She keeps an eye on the sky With a broken wing She carries her dreams Man you ought to see her fly One Sunday morning She didn't go to church He wondered why she didn't leave He went up to the bedroom Found a note by the window With the curtains blowin' in the breeze And with a broken wing She still sings She keeps an eye on the sky With a broken wing She carries her dreams Man you ought to see her fly With a broken wing She carries her dreams Man you ought to see her fly
__________________
Thomas Jefferson, Kentucky Resolutions of 1798: "In questions of power then, let no more be heard of confidence in man, but bind him down from mischief by the chains of the Constitution." |
#7
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Man you ought to see her fly...
__________________
Thomas Jefferson, Kentucky Resolutions of 1798: "In questions of power then, let no more be heard of confidence in man, but bind him down from mischief by the chains of the Constitution." |
#8
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Hello Little Sparrow,
Those poems were beautiful contributions to this subject. Thank you for sharing them. Thank you, Philly |
#9
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Hello Keith,
When or if you find time, could you contribute a discussion/thread on the subject of Codependency. Thanks Take care, Philly |
#10
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Concrete Angel
Concrete Angel: Martina McBride.
Written by Stephanie Bentley and Rob Crosby. She walks to school with the lunch she packed. Nobody knows what she's holdin' back. Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday, She hides the bruises with linen and lace. Oh. The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask. It's hard to see the pain behind the mask. Bearing the burden of a secret storm, Sometimes she wishes she was never born. Through the wind and the rain, She stands hard as a stone, In a world that she can't rise above. But her dreams give her wings, And she flies to a place where she's loved: Concrete angel. Somebody cries in the middle of the night. The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights. A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate. When morning comes it'll be too late. Through the wind and the rain, She stands hard as a stone, In a world that she can't rise above. But her dreams give her wings, And she flies to a place where she's loved: Concrete angel. A statue stands in a shaded place: An angel girl with an upturned face. A name is written on a polished rock: A broken heart that the world forgot. Through the wind and the rain, She stands hard as a stone, In a world that she can't rise above. But her dreams give her wings, And she flies to a place where she's loved: Concrete angel. (Philly, Martina McBride just won the Country Music Award for Female Vocalist of the year these songs can be found on her CD's. Martina sings my heart.)
__________________
Thomas Jefferson, Kentucky Resolutions of 1798: "In questions of power then, let no more be heard of confidence in man, but bind him down from mischief by the chains of the Constitution." |
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