Christmas Cartoons

[revwardoc]

Three men die on Christmas Eve andare met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess
something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.


"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.


The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook
them and said, "They're bells."


Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".


The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.



St. Peter looked at the man with a raised
eyebrow and asked,"And just what do those symbolize?


The man replied," "These are Carols."

[Raggedy Ann]

You guys are too funny

RA

[QM3steve]

heres another.

[82Rigger]

[Keith_Hixson]

Your chubby Santa worked once for me but now it seems to blocked.

A Santa strip tease. Just disgusting

Keith

[82Rigger]

[revwardoc]

Christmas Diet

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.


2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or
something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think, It's Christmas.


3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.


4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.


5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?


6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.


7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.


8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?


9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean,
have some standards.


10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

[Raggedy Ann]

RWD
Great rules to live by. I especially like #2. Thanks for sharing.

Raggedy Ann

[Jerry D]

I agree if you can find it buy lots of Canned "Bordens" Egg Nog and store it for other Holidays like George Washingtons Birthday,4th Of July or Memorial Day MMMmmmmm Yummy :-)

[QM3steve]

Ahhh, egg nog and Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum!