Evening Humor

[DeadlyDaring]

Flat Stomach

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him..


The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?'


The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it..'


'Your wasting your time,' said the boy.


'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.


'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.'

[STYCK]

A couple was celebrating their GOLDEN wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay,Jamaica..Their domestic tranquilty had long been the talk of the town.
People would say........"What a peacefuland loving couple"

The local newpaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret to their long and happy marriage....

The Husband replied:
" well...I guess it dates back to our honeymoon in America"

as he explained..."we visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona...and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse.
We hadn't gone too far when my wifes horse stumbled and she ALMOST fell off.
My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said...
"That's once"

We had proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again..
Again quietly she said"That's twice"

We hadn't gone a half mile when the horse stumbled for the third time..
My wife calmly pulled a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her"WHATS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN?Why did you shoot the poor animal like that are you*+%$**@ crazy???"

She looked at ME and said.....THAT'S ONCE......

And..."From that moment we've lived happily ever after"

[namvet]

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'



SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.



SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'



SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008!!

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'



A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
__________________

[namvet]

The 2012 Pelosi GTxi SS/RT Sport Edition

YouTube - The 2012 Pelosi GTxi SS/RT Sport Edition

[STYCK]

http://gmy.news.yahoo.com/v/12107144

[STYCK]

You gotta love NASCAR & OBama's way to Stimulus Packages and taking care of our poor.
Subj: Jeff Gordon fires his pit crew

*NASCAR NEWS...* Jeff Gordon fires his entire pit crew This announcement
followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of the government's scheme to
employ Harlem youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how
unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less
than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew
could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech
equipment. It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's
management team as most races are won or lost in the pits. However-Gordon
got more than he bargained for!

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew
able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they
had changed the paint scheme, altered the Vin number, and sold the car to
Dale Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff
Gordon's wife in the shower.

[STYCK]

[STYCK]

They can also get a complimemtry t shirt....

[STYCK]

I started reading this the other day and laughed SO hard I was almost cryin...

[STYCK]

ain't gonna be a good sign HUH???