Evening Humor

[82Rigger]

I bought a new GMC Sierra and returned to the dealer yesterday because I
couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was
voice activated.

"Nelson!" , the salesman said to the radio.

The radio replied," Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he continued, and 'On The Road Again' came from the
speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant 'Georgia On
My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson .

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say
"Beethoven" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said "Beatles" I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, some people in a sedan ran a red light and nearly creamed my
new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid them.

"Assholes!", I yelled.

Immediately the Iranian Nation al Anthem began to play, sung by Jane
Fonda and Barbara Streisand , backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie
Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill
Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.

God, I love this truck.

[DeadlyDaring]

What drinking can do for a man!
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun-dress, walked into a bar. She raised
her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the
people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a
drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at
the end of the bar, an owley eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter
and bellowed," Give the ballerina a drink!".

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to
the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same
hairy armpit, and asked "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and
said, "Give the ballerina a drink!".

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, it's your business
if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the
ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any women who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

[reconeil]

You both make it very difficult for me.
Can't honestly say whether enjoy good: "Radio", "Arm-pit", "Ballerina" or crotch jokes better?

Neil

[reconeil]

P.S.
In fairness to: "The Drunk" friends, he too must've been stationed in West Germany,
way-back-when.

There was the standard understanding (joke also) amongst The guys that when on an
Overnight Date (so to speak), in that when waking up with a batch of hair in your face,...
it was always quite suspect as to just what part of a lovely maiden's anatomy one was
actually snuggling up to?

STILL, and in fairness to frauleins in general also and since no doubt having discovered
razors by now, I must believe that GI's waking up so in Germany of today are STILL a little
confused (though a-tad-bit differently), and/or by which smooth & clean-shaven areas
are actually in their young faces?

But, what-the-hell and no matter how, what, where or when??? Just enjoy either and hit
the Listerine afterwards and no else will ever know,...nor should even care.
Lots of toothpaste is also recommended.

Neil

[DeadlyDaring]

I just recently had one of my posts deleted because it was ADULT

I will post this just to see how far the Moderator can laugh seeing that the post is a link to another site

Please dont push my buttons DD, I dont slap you in the face - ever. - Bernadette

[Bernadette]

This site is set up as educational, a sort of diary to preserve history. If this site ever got to 501c status (non-profit) that would be its classification. We have school children doing research on this site. We have family members coming here to get some understanding of loved ones. Never mind the untold amounts of vets that have never shared a thing. This site is open to everyone for all of these reasons and more. David and I set this site up to help others, so they may have a sounding board, a place to share experiences and deep stuff. I do realize that funny stuff is necessary, and needed. However I do my best to delete items I find inappropriate. I really don't ever feel like I need to justify my deletions....if I delete it, it was beyond inappropriate. I am very lax with my delete key, I am offended by stuff on this site all the time, sometimes I just shake my head in embarrassment. Yup your right, I cant keep up with all the references to bestiality on this site. If you want to be a perv, there are many many other places on this wonderful internet to do that. Feel free to keep smut off patriotfiles. I also hate it when people begin fighting, however I know many of our guys have benefited from being here, able to share, work things out and eventually "kiss" and make up, or not. We have a community here which we want to welcome everyone....the new vets, the old ones and everyone in between. You are all on David's website, he has always shown respect to each and everyone of you. He has invested untold thousands of hours into this site. He has tried to make this old mule of a server function correctly, for whom......for you. I have had to convince him that it is a worthwhile investment time and time again. This is not some site he slapped up on the web and called it good. Out of respect to him and I and the other millions of people that can, and have, accessed this site......

Bernadette

[DeadlyDaring]

Excuse Me Bernadette
I'm sorry wont happen again
Life too short to argue

[reconeil]

You got that right about: "Life's too short...".
Also, Patriotfiles.com Open Forums certainly not censored like others.

Awhile back when Patfiles was out of action and being reworked & updated
for a period, I started chit-chating on The Conservative Forum until BANNED.

Apparently, not very wise giving little people (mentally) a lot of power.
Some Political Moderator: "BigRed-1" or something like that (don't remember exactly)
& clique didn't like my questioning and making light of why my words were altered.

Still, one must admit that any changing word: "Damn" to "D-mn" & word; "Cockamamie"
to "Thingamamie",...is about as sophomorically childlike as it gets.
Was actually glad that BANNED so early, since back to your: "Life's too short.." and why
waste your time with obviously Juvenile Dip-sh!ts thrilled over having a little power?

Neil

[revwardoc]

Too true. I used to get on the History Channel site but found the censorship to be extreme. For example; I was sharing a story about post-basic training haircuts and used the word "ping", which was used to describe guys in tech school who were fresh out of basic ("ping" was allegedly the sound your hair made as it was growing). I couldn't enter the post because of the questionable word. That did it for me. Apparently the History Channel hadn't yet done a show on the 1st Amendment. At least here we can use innuendo and adult-type humor, the judicious use of *, and #, and -, etc.

[reconeil]

In fairness to History Channel & Conservative Forum sites, both not near as
censoring or purposefully sanitizing as my local newspaper and/or The Home News Tribune.
Such even treats Opinion Letters much like one would expect of Tass, Pravda & Izvestia
of The Old Soviet Union (Once stated that to Tribune's Owner, in a letter.).

Their typically called: "Editing" was/is much like what seen for Classified Documents on TV.
Censors even changed my good & short hooks or titles to lengthy 2 line drool titles,...which
even I the author wouldn't have cared to read.

Regardless, and in general, I thank such Societal Engineers (natually to their liking) very much.
Those bums got me off-the-dime and pretty-much forced me to start-up my own website,
so that could say what needed saying UNCENSORED!!!

www.wowcopy.com thanks all such newspapers very much.

Neil