A Little Humor

[82Rigger]

A young, student nurse appears in the patient' hospital room to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he faintly mumbles from behind his oxygen mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from his worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
After she had taken a close look she says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir."

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much, miss. That was truly quite wonderful, but, please listen very, very closely......

"A r e....m y....t e s t....r e s u l t s....b a c k?"

[coachman]

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right
outside of the ladies dressing room for his Mom to come out.
While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes
walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.
"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts.
"Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.

When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"HELL NO!" he cries, "you've got teeth down here!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there!"

"Yes there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."

"No there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."

With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek. "No I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that ALL women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!

[coachman]

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you

shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The

second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting

off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one

that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the

wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

************************************************** ****

LITTLE TONY ON MATH

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father?

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,' I said '6,'" replies TONY.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me '! How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the bleep difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

************************************************** ***

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH

Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to

learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a

multi-syllable word?"

TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

************************************************** ***

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go

to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in

this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you

to go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you

had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

************************************************** *****

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of

hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought

my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was

pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just bleeping beautiful!'"

************************************************** *****

LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after

another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son,

you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne,

rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own bleeping business.

[Jerry D]

Those were some good'ins