By popular demand ...

Here's one of Thacker's writings. It's a tame one.by his standards,
but one I reckon the Yanks will understand.



English American speak

Funny, isn't it, how we Brits use some words to mean one thing and the
Yanks
use others to mean the same thing? For example, we call it a pavement
and
the Yanks call it a sidewalk. We say biscuit, they say cookie. Over
here we
call a woman's naughty bits a fanny, whilst over there a fanny is just
an
arse, whether it be male or female. Bumbags are fanny-packs, the boot
of a
car is the trunk, the bonnet the hood, the gear-stick the gear-shift
and
they spell "tyres" as "tires".

Everywhere you look there are different ones, too many to number. A
motorway
is a freeway and a slip-road is an off-ramp, whilst an estate car over
there
is referred to as a station wagon. An estate agent is called a
realtor,
football is soccer and whilst in this country a world war is something
that
starts at the beginning, for the Americans it only begins after two or
three
years once all the hard work has already been done.

And yet we both share the same term when we refer to our respective
hedas of
state: A fucking stupid prick.

Funny, that.

And now, as we cruise through the opening years of the new millennium,
and
as the language changes with each passing day, there are new ones
springing
up all over the place. Here are some excellent examples of the
differing
ways we and the Yanks are now referring to everyday modern things:

BRITISH................................AMERICAN

A school bus...........................Target practice
Allied Forces..........................Target practice
Helicopter ride........................Crash
September the 11th.................9-11
Hilarious..................................9-11
Paedophile..............................Pedophile
Paedophile..............................Michael Jackson
Innocent..................................O.J. Simpson
Guilty......................................Not O.J. Simpson Honest
Gun.........................................Toy
Boy Scouts..............................Gung-Ho Gun Happy Fucking
Nutcases
School Holidays.......................Another kid on the rampage with
an
AK47
World War Three....................George Bush Having A Wank
Cunt........................................Bill Gates

Long may it continue, I say. We may be different from our wonderful
cousins
across the pond, but we're all the same underneath. We might be better
at
winning wars than that shower of bastards, but at least they don't
mind
giving it a go, which is more than can be said for the French.

--
Arthur Thacker 2003



---
Alan

Keep 'em coming Alan. Its Kewl !
You have his Irish one yet ?

"Alan" wrote in message news:ea4jrvkoj7eekhub4bivhiem000mdqn0qc@4ax.com...
>
>
> Here's one of Thacker's writings. It's a tame one.by his standards,
> but one I reckon the Yanks will understand.
>
>
>
> English American speak
>
> Funny, isn't it, how we Brits use some words to mean one thing and the
> Yanks
> use others to mean the same thing? For example, we call it a pavement
> and
> the Yanks call it a sidewalk. We say biscuit, they say cookie. Over
> here we
> call a woman's naughty bits a fanny, whilst over there a fanny is just
> an
> arse, whether it be male or female. Bumbags are fanny-packs, the boot
> of a
> car is the trunk, the bonnet the hood, the gear-stick the gear-shift
> and
> they spell "tyres" as "tires".
>
> Everywhere you look there are different ones, too many to number. A
> motorway
> is a freeway and a slip-road is an off-ramp, whilst an estate car over
> there
> is referred to as a station wagon. An estate agent is called a
> realtor,
> football is soccer and whilst in this country a world war is something
> that
> starts at the beginning, for the Americans it only begins after two or
> three
> years once all the hard work has already been done.
>
> And yet we both share the same term when we refer to our respective
> hedas of
> state: A fucking stupid prick.
>
> Funny, that.
>
> And now, as we cruise through the opening years of the new millennium,
> and
> as the language changes with each passing day, there are new ones
> springing
> up all over the place. Here are some excellent examples of the
> differing
> ways we and the Yanks are now referring to everyday modern things:
>
> BRITISH................................AMERICAN
>
> A school bus...........................Target practice
> Allied Forces..........................Target practice
> Helicopter ride........................Crash
> September the 11th.................9-11
> Hilarious..................................9-11
> Paedophile..............................Pedophile
> Paedophile..............................Michael Jackson
> Innocent..................................O.J. Simpson
> Guilty......................................Not O.J. Simpson Honest
> Gun.........................................Toy
> Boy Scouts..............................Gung-Ho Gun Happy Fucking
> Nutcases
> School Holidays.......................Another kid on the rampage with
> an
> AK47
> World War Three....................George Bush Having A Wank
> Cunt........................................Bill Gates
>
> Long may it continue, I say. We may be different from our wonderful
> cousins
> across the pond, but we're all the same underneath. We might be better
> at
> winning wars than that shower of bastards, but at least they don't
> mind
> giving it a go, which is more than can be said for the French.
>
> --
> Arthur Thacker 2003
>
>
>
> ---
> Alan

In message <0yhub.3416$m84.2031608@news1.news.adelphia.net> "FOB"
wrote:

>Keep 'em coming Alan. Its Kewl !
>You have his Irish one yet ?

How 'bout a quiz?

Are you Michael Jackson?

Take the Arthur Thacker Quiz and see for yourself.

1. You look in the mirror one day and decide you need a bit of a
makeover. What do you do?

a) Go to a health club and get yourself the full works.
b) Go on a strict diet and start to exercise regularly.
c) Paint your face white, cut off half your nose, have steel plates
inserted into your cheeks, your eyes popped out and your lips trimmed
down with a carving knife.

2. You are babysitting for a friend. It's time to put the little boy
to bed. How do you go about this?

a) Make him a cup of cocoa, tuck him up and read him a bedtime story.
b) Cup of Horlicks, settle down to watch a good Disney video to tire
him out and then sing him to sleep.
c) Ply him with drugs, wait till he's half-gone then climb in bed with
him and get him to wank you off. You filthy bastard.

3. Did you invent the Moonwalk?

a) No, it was invented by black mistrel dancers back in the 1930's,
long before you were born.
b) No, you think it was invented by the group Shalamar in 1979.
c) Yes, all by yourself. You invented it even though there is film of
it being done sixty fucking years ago. You lying twat.

4. Which famous person would you like to go on holiday with, where
would you go and what would you do?

a) Jennifer Lopez, to Rio where you'd spend all day on the beach
sunbathing and shagging each other's arses off.
b) With Pamela Anderson, to Hollywood where you'd tour the movie sets
and get to see loads of other beautiful babes.
c) With Paul McCartney and his one-legged wife, to some windswept
Scottish island where you'd spend your time eating lentil bake,
stealing his songs and trying to bum his kids.

5. What do you dress your children in when you take them out for the
day?

a) In ordinary kids' stuff, because they're just kids and don't need
expensive clothes.
b) The best designer gear because you want people to know how rich you
are.
c) Black plastic bags and veils so that people can't see their
terrified faces and the plastic surgery you've no doubt already
subjected them to.

6. Being extremely wealthy, you decide to try your hand at a sporting
venture. What do you do?

a) Buy your own baseball team and try to take it from obscurity to the
dizzy heights of the World Series.
b) Build your own golf course in the hope that one day it will host
the US Masters.
c) Become a director of Exeter City because your loony spoon-bending
bum-chum told you if you didn't your arse would fall off.

7. You hear a very interesting song on the radio called 'Blame It On
The Boogie', written by someone whose name is remarkably similar to
your own. You'd like to record it. What do you do?

a) Contact the songwriter - a certain Mick Jackson - and ask his
permission, allowing him equal rights.
b) Get the songwriter - Mick Jackson - to rewrite certain parts with
you and then record it, giving him equal rights.
c) Fuck it. Record it with your brothers and put (M.Jackson) on the
label so everyone will think you wrote it anyway. You thieving cunt.

8. Your beloved pet and constant companion is proving too much of a
handful. You don't want to get rid of it so how do you go about
calming it down?

a) Take it to see a pet psychiatrist because money is no object and
you'd do anything for it.
b) Spend as much time with it as you can, but share the responsibility
with others who are better trained to look after it.
c) Fill it with sedatives, and if that doesn't calm the bastard down,
chop its balls off, If that doesn't work either, fuck it. Just dump it
in some zoo with all the other monkeys.

9. You have just become a father and your fans want to see your
newborn son. Which of the following do you do?

a) Nothing. You don't want your baby son to become exposed to the
cruelties of the press at such an early age.
b) Arrange to have some tasteful photos taken by some glossy magazine
and give the money to charity.
c) Put a rag over its head and dangle it from the balcony of your
fifth floor hotel room, where it kicks and screams because the poor
little bastard's shitting itself.

10. Are you white?

a) Yes, and proud of it.
b) Half white and half black because you are mixed race.
c) Er...no. Are you fuck. Black...er...no, it's a rare skin condition.
In fact it's so rare that you're the only fucking person in the world
who's ever had it and even medical science has never fucking heard of
it.

11. You are facing serious charges of child sexual abuse. How do you
best go about proving your innocence?

a) By hiring the best legal team in the world and fighting your case
all the way to the highest courts in the land, even if it costs you
everything because you're innocent.
b) By keeping a low profile and trying to prove that the allegations
were made up, and if it doesn't blow over, then try to win your case
in the courts.
c) By getting OJ Simpson's lawyer to pay the kid off to the tune of
$35million, even though you didn't do it, did you? No, did you fuck.
You paid all that money to some kid you never touched just to keep him
quiet about something you never did anyway. Yet he still knew about
the birthmark on your cock, you lying twat.

12. Who has been the biggest influence on the way you bring up your
children?

a) Dr Spock, the eminent American child development expert.
b) Dr Miriam Stoppard, the well-respected British authority on child
care matters.
c) Eric Clapton.

13. You decide you want to settle down and get married. Whom do you
marry?

a) Someone you have known and loved for many years, perhaps a
childhood sweetheart.
b) Someone you have recently met, yet with whom it was love at first
sight.
c) Some fucking nurse you hardly know, so that she can have kids for
you and then fuck off with a huge pay-off and never see them again.
Because, be honest, would she fucking want to? Or Elvis Presley's
daughter.

14. Which celebrity would you most love to look like?

a) George Clooney because of his classic good looks.
b) Russell Crowe because of his rugged features.
c) Elizabeth Taylor because, like you, she is a wizened old tramp
who's had half her body removed by Beverly Hills's finest.

15. You have suffered a badly gashed cheek in an accident. What do you
use to repair the damage?

a) Just a couple of Band-Aids.
b) A couple of butterfly stitches.
c) Airfix glue and some Blu-Tack.

16. You have three children. What sort of names do you give them?

a) Ordinary ones like John, Mary and Stephen.
b) Something a bit more modern, perhaps Dwayne, Kylie and Brooklyn.
c) Prince Michael Louis XIV, Madrid Barcelona Princess Michael III and
The Honourable King Prince Count Duke Lord of Michaelness His Holiness
the Pope Pious XXVII. You fucking prick.

17. What sort of house do you live in?

a) An ordinary place, just big enough for yourself and your kids.
b) A large, spacious house in the country, but nothing too
extravagant.
c) A fucking theme park the size of Alton Towers that you call
Neverland, Neverworld or Nevertouchedthatkidhonest.

18. Describe your upbringing.

a) Wonderful and happy, with loving parents and brothers and sisters
who all cared for you and loved you dearly.
b) Pretty good, with a few hardships thrown in, the odd family
argument like most people. But you were generally happy.
c) Absolutely superb! You never had pushy parents who beat you black
and blue or sexually abused you when you wouldn't sing down the local
church. They were wonderful, and anyone who says otherwise will get
their fucking arse sued off. Even your own bastard sister. The lying
slag.

19. Despite your obvious innocence, there are still some people who
think you're a bit dodgy where kids are concerned. How do you go about
proving them wrong?

a) By making sure you have nothing to do with kids any more. That way
people can't make any accusations at all.
b) By doing all you can to prove in a court of law that those lies
about you were indeed lies.
c) By paying parents to let their children sleep at your house,
inviting them to your fucking theme park, dragging them up on stage
with you all the time and rubbing your cock whenever you hit a high
note. Oooo-hooo!!

20. What religion are you and why?

a) Muslim, because it has a billion followers worlwide and a
reputation for racial harmony.
b) Roman Catholic, because it has ten million followers worldwide and
is one of the oldest known to man.
c) Jehovah's Witness, because it has 40,000 protected paedophiles and
you're fucking one of them.

ANSWERS

Mainly a: Hard luck. You're not Michael Jackson, though you could well
be with a little more work on throwing kids off balconies, lying about
what colour you are and being made of plastic.

Mainly b: Nice try. You clearly have some Michael Jackson qualities,
but fail in the areas of stealing other people's songs, thinking
you're Peter Pan and trying to bum kids.

Mainly c: Congratulations! You are indeed Michael "Wacko Jacko"
Jackson, a psycho sick twisted fucking pervert who thinks nothing of
ripping people off, having no nose, wanting to look like Liz Taylor,
abusing kids and then paying their parents off to drop the charges.
But it's alright because you make bloody good records, don't you?

© Arthur Thacker 2002

On Tue, 18 Nov 2003 1224 +0900, Alan wrote:


The Michael Jackson piece had me in stitches. So did most of the other
one.

But what the hell does this mean??
>Hilarious..................................9-11


Lee
Remember Noel in the addy

References:
Posted by: Alan

> Here's one of Thacker's writings. It's a tame one.by his standards,
>but one I reckon the Yanks will understand.

*I* find that horribly offensive, I do!

Jones

On Tue, 18 Nov 2003 13:02:27 -0500, Lee wrote:

>On Tue, 18 Nov 2003 1224 +0900, Alan wrote:
>
>
>The Michael Jackson piece had me in stitches. So did most of the other
>one.
>
>But what the hell does this mean??
>>Hilarious..................................9-11
>
>

As has been metioned before, Lee, his sarcasm is cutting to the
point of being offensive to most. He is anti-everything.
---
Alan