Humor for Wednesday

[82Rigger]

Words with two Meanings


1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.

Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.

Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.

Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

Female.... An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

[Keith_Hixson]

This was written by a woman. You taitor you!

Keith

[Jerry D]

Here is one my Aunt in Nebraska sent Me
-----------------------------------------------
A Russian woman married an English gentleman and they lived happily ever after in London.

However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her Husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy Chicken legs.

She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken And lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message, and gave her the Chicken legs

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts.

Again, she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts!

The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.

Unable to find a way to communicate this,

she brought her husband to the store...


(Please scroll down)













What were you thinking?

Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!

Now get back to work...

[Jerry D]

Special Bulletin from the Pentagon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces.



These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.



The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

[82Rigger]

Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American
engineer -- are working together one day. They come across a lantern and
a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish" says the
Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will
also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." Pooooof!
With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made
fertile for farming.
Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can
come into our precious state." Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the
Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries..
The American engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more
about this wall". The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5000 feet high,
500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in
or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."
The American engineer says, "Fill it with water."

[Jerry D]

nice swimming pools the Genie made (LOL) though in Afganistan there will still be some islands from the mts