Houston, TX; Where men are...um...men?

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http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory...atures/2729433

Go primitive with the kilt that goes anywhere

Modesty snap? If I'm going to wear a kilt, how about getting me a dignity snap?

For most American men not born with roots to a Scottish clan, the idea of wearing a kilt, or any other garment that someone might mistake for a skirt, ranks up there with applying eyeliner and nail polish. With the exception of drag queens and in-character drama majors, it isn't going to happen.

Perhaps more liberal cities -- such as San Francisco or New York, where taking fashion to the extreme can be chic -- would be more inviting to men who show a little calf at the workplace.

But we're talking Houston. A city where Wranglers are king and the most daring statement most men will consider about legwear are rubber fishing waders. Then again, maybe not?

Megan Haas, co-founder of The Utilikilts Co., a 4-year-old business out of Seattle that specializes in "American utility kilts for everyday wear" says that the great state of Texas has been one of its best consumers. Whether it be an abundance of annual Gaelic celebrations such as the Arlington Highland Games, the North Texas Irish Festival in Dallas or the Houston International Festival, there are a lot of men roaming free in "man-skirts" in the Lone Star State.

"Fashion designers have been trying to put out a male skirt for a long time, but you don't see a lot of them, and there's a reason why," says Haas who adds that Utilikilts are more accurately described as a men's unbifurcated garment than a traditional kilt. "This is the man's skirt the world has been waiting for. Men in Texas have this primitive impulse that a Utilikilt indulges."

Utilikilts (which can be viewed and ordered at www.utilikilt.com) come in a variety of styles that all share unbifurcation -- meaning they don't have two "legs" -- and symmetrical pleats that change direction for a natural flow. The Original is a poly-cotton-blend twill with ample side pouches and a V-shaped set of snaps in the front that retails for $125. Color choices include black, olive, khaki and (for the military-minded guy or one who relishes the idea of "going commando") camouflage.

Other styles include the Mocker (similar to the Original without the deep pouch-pockets) and the Workman (featuring more loops and pockets for carrying tools) and a leather version that costs $700 and looks ready for medieval combat. There's also a Denim style, similar to the Original but with Workman's style back pockets.

"The key word is masculine," says Haas. "It looks like a man's garment. It must bring up impulses of what men in the Bible might have worn." After you choose a style, you move on to size and options. Figuring out your size sounds tricky, but Utilikilts' Web site offers tips such as adding 1.5 inches to your usual pant waist size and kneeling on the floor with a yardstick at your side to gauge length.

I was soon introduced to the modesty snap. "It comes automatically on the Workman models. It snaps the Utilikilt into shorts should somebody be going up a ladder or on a bicycle," says Haas. "You gotta protect the equipment." Uh, yeah. Another generous option the Utilikilts company offers is the "beer gut cut." This is for the burly gent who likes the idea of wearing a kilt, but also likes a plate of nachos and a six pack daily.

For an extra $25 no man will ever have to look at his girlfriend and say, "Does this kilt make me look fat?" My angst over agreeing to wear the Utilikilt around Houston curbed my appetite and ended any possible need I might have had for a beer gut cut. The modesty snap, however, sounded like a good idea. "Don't be a baby," sneered a friend. "If you're going wear a kilt, then do it the way it was meant to be worn."

Taunt accepted.

I decided on a black Original Utilikilt. Not only would it would be easiest to match with other clothes and accessories, but it would be the most slimming. See? This skirt-wearing mindset is already starting to get a grip on me. "You have no butt in that thing," laughed a female co-worker whose name must remain anonymous. "Seriously, where did your butt go?" All right, so all of my worst fears about wearing my a kilt into the workplace have now been confirmed. I once teased female friends for being so obsessed about what their backside looked like in everything they wore. Never again. Of course, the real test would come in front of strangers on the streets of Houston.

All happening at the zoo.

There is no demographic more willing to share an unvarnished opinion than a child. And what better place to find one than the Houston Zoo? Turns out a guy in an American-style kilt is no match for the exotic koalas, white alligators, apes and Komodo dragons. Heck, I could barely compete with the zoo employees who wheeled around the park spraying water misters.

"Top of the mornin' to ya," I heard one teenager whisper to his friend about five feet after walking by me. Sideways glances and a few snickers were the more common response for those who even noticed at all. It took 7-year-old Evey Shanks from Clear Lake to work up the courage to actually ask "the question." "Are you wearing a kilt?" giggled an embarrassed Evey as I was about to enter the monkey exhibit.

When she got the affirmative she cackled and made a dash back to the table where her mom and 9-year-old sister Abby were eating a snack. "She wanted to know too, but she's a scaredy-cat," said Evey about sister Abby. Evey and Abby had seen kilts before but had never seen anyone wearing anything like it in person. They thought it was a little weird, and both agreed that their dad was not a candidate for this fashion craze. "His legs are too hairy," said Evey.

Sashaying with the fishes.

From seahorses and sharks to coconut shrimp and lobster tails, there is a lot to see and eat at Aquarium Restaurant on the edge of downtown. One thing they don't have are visitors and tourists running around in Utilikilts. What better place to gauge just how my pleats would play? "What do you have under that," asked Lay Dominic Carter, 18, of Houston. Then Carter grabbed my hemline and started lifting it up. "I want one of those," said Oba Washington, 30, an Aquarium employee and friend of Carter's. "I'd wear it everywhere and definitely go commando. "Cameras would be following me around filming 'Wild on Kilts'."

Sounds like you might need a modesty snap, Oba.