Those damn Repugs.

Posted on Sun, Aug. 03, 2003
Follow carefully; this is complicated
By Molly Ivins
Creators Syndicate

Oh great, now we have a bunch of Texas Democrats hiding out in
Albuquerque (which is very difficult to spell), and I'm still in Austin
holding the bag, trying to explain what this particular spate of lunacy
in our state is all about. Spare me, Lord.

OK, if I really have to do this deal … see if you can think back to when
you were a kid -- 5, 6, 7 -- and you were always getting blamed for
something one of your siblings had done, or you didn't mean to knock
over something but your old man whopped you for it anyway.

The classic cry from the heart is, "BUT IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Naturally, further on down the line, all of us experience some variant
of John F. Kennedy's observation that "life is not fair." Exactly when,
where and under what circumstances we give up on expecting life to be
fair obviously varies from cancer to KIA to divorce to other of life's
more malicious surprises.

Basically, the reason 11 Democratic senators from Texas are on the lam
in New Mexico is BECAUSE IT'S NOT FAIR.

You may think that's childish, but there are some important principles
at stake here. Like, you're supposed to play by the rules. And you're
not supposed to change the rules in the middle of the game. And then,
just a minor point, there is the small matter of democracy.

Starting at ground zero, redistricting -- the drawing of the maps under
which politicians run for public office in various districts -- is
supposed to take place the year following the decennial Census. In this
case, 2001.

Because the Texas House and Senate could not agree that year, the matter
went to the courts, as it is supposed to if the Legislature deadlocks.
The courts drew the congressional district maps, as they were supposed
to, under well-established rules -- and that was that. Redistricting
over until 2011.

Then Karl Rove and Rep. Tom DeLay of Sugar Land -- neither of whom has
ever been elected to run the state of Texas -- decided to use the new
Republican majorities in both houses of the legislature to ram a truly
hideous redistricting plan through the legislature without the public
hearings required by law.

In the great tradition of artful gerrymandering -- now called
Perrymandering in honor of Gov. Goodhair -- this Rove/DeLay map
qualifies as a Dadaist masterpiece, with elements of Picasso. It was a
beaut. Divided Austin into four districts, one of which ran down to the
Mexican border.

To stop that travesty, House Democrats fled to Ardmore, Okla., breaking
the quorum necessary to conduct business. End of bill, end of session.

Then Goodhair called them all back for a special session on one item --
redistricting. This time, public hearings were held, and at every one of
them citizens showed up to protest vociferously -- the Texas Rangers had
to be called in at the McAllen hearing.

The obligatory committee meetings became ever more surreal.

Meetings would be called for 2 p.m. in one location and then start at 7
p.m. in another. People started to call it "hide and seek government."

Citizens stayed to testify until 2 a.m. and were treated contemptuously
by the presiding Republicans. Then Senate Democrats, plus the widely
respected Republican Sen. Bill Ratliff, stopped the bill under the
Senate rule that requires a two-thirds vote to bring up new business.
Stalemate. End of first special session.

Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, who presides over the Senate, announced he was
ditching the two-thirds rule, and Goodhair promptly called yet another
special session. Exit Senate Democrats, busting the quorum in their shop.

It costs the state, which, you may recall, is highly broke, around $1.7
million per special session.

If you look at it another way, it could be considered public campaign
financing. See, Tom DeLay can pick up maybe six new Republican votes in
Congress under a Perrymandered map at a total cost to the taxpayers of
$5.1 million (assuming the D's stick it out in Albuquerque and Goodhair
calls yet another special session).

Whereas it would cost the Republicans tens of millions to legitimately
elect Republicans under the current districts. So, all Texans are now
paying for the privilege of electing more Republicans.

The irony is that the majority of the conservative rural Democrats
targeted by the R's are elected out of Republican districts, districts
where the majority votes for a Republican president, governor, etc., and
a Democratic congressman because they know and like their congressman.
Lot of unhappy R's out there.

In the stupefying hypocrisy sweepstakes, I'd like to salute Arlene
Wohlgemuth, R-Burleson, for saying, "When we were in the minority, we
worked in a bipartisan manner." That would be the same Arlene Wohlgemuth
who notoriously killed off dozens of bills in a fit of pique in the
infamous "Memorial Day Massacre."

But the palm for hypocrisy goes to Goodhair for his immortal declaration
that Democrats are harming the poor children of Texas.

I thought I would upchuck. It was Perry and the R's who insisted on
slashing social services, including health insurance for poor children,
rather than raise taxes. He now claims the D's are holding up the
distribution of a new pot of federal money we just got. He didn't even
open the call of the last special session to bills to disburse the
money; said it wasn't necessary.

Even in politics, no one gets to lie that bad.

On Mon, 4 Aug 2003 1353 +0200 (CEST), Tarapia Tapioco
playing the fool:

Sounds like a whole lot of liberal loser crying
by Molly Ivan.