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Old 11-19-2002, 05:23 AM
exlrrp exlrrp is offline
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Default Vive la France!!!!!!!

Why are there so many tree lined streets in Paris?

The German Army likes to march in the shade

When you can't think what to do, throw a grenade
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Old 11-19-2002, 06:52 AM
39mto39g 39mto39g is offline

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Default James

If it wasn't for the French we would still be part of England.
Even though most French are ass holes we owe them alot.
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Old 11-19-2002, 10:58 AM
Andy Andy is offline
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Cool James

The new leader of the Democrats in the House is from your area. She says she's not a leftist. Would that mean she's from the French wing of the Democrat party?

German's marching in the shade - that's great. Wonder how long it will be before they do that again?

Stay healthy,
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Old 02-19-2003, 08:29 PM
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colmurph colmurph is offline
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Default The French Revolution

Was the only war they won......that's because they were fighting each other.

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?..........

Nobody's never been done.
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Old 02-21-2003, 07:26 AM
VF24F8C VF24F8C is offline
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Default The Complete Military History of France

The Complete Military History of France?

- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is
conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates
The First Rule of French Warfare:
"France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway.
Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War - Tied.

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie.
Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military

- War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough,
which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win
even though the English colonists saw far more action.
This is later known as the "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to
The Second Rule of French Warfare:
"France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a
Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home
alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French
women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her
"Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in
the French bloodline.

- World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning
the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since
the Crusades, and produces The First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always
beat the French." [This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians,
Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.]

- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be
safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal:
"They're there when they need you."

TODAY is the FIRST DAY of the REST OF YOUR LIFE ~ Make time to Laugh, Love and Enjoy It!
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Old 02-21-2003, 07:39 AM
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David David is offline

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I saw on the news last night were people are now calling french fries "Freedom Fries" in protest of the French. I do believe they pulled us out of the fire though during the revolution and misguided as they are still respect the country as a whole for that.
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Old 02-22-2003, 09:38 PM
usmcsgt65 usmcsgt65 is offline
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Default Pay Back

My opinion, we have paid France back for the Revolution. I call the payback, World War I and II, and post WWII support (remember Truman was going to back and independent Vietnam, until DeGaul said he need colonies.). :ek:
Semper Fi
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Old 09-01-2006, 11:13 PM
Zinzendorf Zinzendorf is offline

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Default More French military history:

Norse invasions, 841-911.
After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's hard Ma[favour] for next 500 years.

Mexico, 1863-1864.
France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

Panama jungles 1881-1890.
No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

Napoleonic Wars.
Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

Haiti, 1791-1804.
French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

India, 1673-1813.
British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S.
French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s.
Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day.

French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French.
When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. God will know His own." Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.
Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

Third Crusade.
Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

Seventh Crusade.
St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

[Eighth] Crusade.
St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.

Seven year War 1756-1763
Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).


The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. This ended their colonialism. About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair.
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:54 PM
michael1313 michael1313 is offline
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I am no huge supporter of the French but I must point out that “Richard the Lion Hearted” (Third Crusade) was actually French, he couldn’t even speak English.
The object of the Fortifications on the “Maginot Line” was to deny the Germans access to France from the areas they protected, in this the “Line” was a success. Also the French and British casualties during this period of WWII were certainly not “hiding behind” the Maginot Line.

"This is a very vicious animal; when attacked, he defends himself." Notice posted at the Paris Zoo. insight into the French (European/pacifist) mentality, any creature that defends itself when attacked is “very vicious”.
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