First Humor for 2009

[82Rigger]

The Funeral Stone

Sam died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sarah turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Sarah . "Thirty thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Sarah answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the synagogue. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it ?"

"Two and a half carats."

[39mto39g]

That would be women

[QM3steve]

Subject: How the bail-out works



>
> Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a
> farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the
> next day.
> The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I
> have some bad news, the donkey died."
> Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money
> back."
>
> The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent
> it already."
>
> Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead
> donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with
> him?"
> Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
>
> The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead
> donkey!"
> Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't
> tell anybody he's dead."
>
> A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked,
> "What happened with that dead donkey?"
>
> Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at
> two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998. Less the $100
> I gave you."
> The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
>
> Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his
> two dollars back."
>
> Chuck is now working for AIG.

[revwardoc]

This farmer had a wife who nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the field, she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing this, the mule kicked her and she died.

At the funeral, the wives of his friends came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes".

His friends came up and talked to him and the farmer shook his head "no".

Well, this other man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the men. He went up to the farmer and asked him why.

The farmer replied," Well, when the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and how pretty she looked. When my friends came up, they asked,' That mule for sale?'