Grief ..

[Tina]

Larry,
I am soooo sorry to hear about the hard times you are having.. I am here for you my friend.. If there is anything at all I can do please let me know..
love you
tina

[goodnessgracie]

Et tu, Larry?

Seems everyone I know is divorcing. It sucks, but you still rock.

I have this from Rainer Maria Rilke on my fridge door:

So you must not be frightened if a sadness rises up before you, larger than any you have ever seen; Ever-restiveness like light and cloud shadows passes over your hands and all you do. You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand, and will not let you fall.

Never let you fall: you're too good.

Love & Kisses,
Gracie

[MontanaKid]

This is my year for divorce too. But I can tell you that if you hang in there, it gets better. Separated eight months now, I just filed the paperwork. I went through all the stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, but now find myself at acceptance and am looking forward to having it over with.

I arrived back west with nary a penny and after some hard, not too exotic work (would you like to add cheese to that for just an extra 30 cents, sir?) I am starting back at my last profession and looking forward to it, where once I thought I was too burned out to pick it up again.

Plus, I just joined a singles club. Not a dating service, just people of similar age who find themselves single and wanting to socialize in a group. The ol' gals are finding that this ol' doc can dance up a storm.

I'm settled now back in my home town, have most of my original family close by and feel pretty good right now as I watch the surrounding mountains turn white again, the Western Larch turning bright orange and ready to drop their needles. Ain't no finer place this kind of year.

Hang in there cowboy. This, too, will pass.

[frisco-kid]

Larry:

Sure sorry to hear about the bad hand that you're being dealt right now. Since I've never had to contend with THE BIG D, I really don't have any sage advice to give you but, like everyone else on here, I have alot of support for ya. Come get it as often as needed, Bud.

Alan:

Glad to hear that things are starting to smooth out for you. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do that's best for you.
Glad you made it back home. I, too, often miss the Fall season on the Hwy. 93 corridor. Used to live in the Kalispell-Whitefish-Columbia Falls area.

[DMZ-LT]

As you can see Larry you ain't alone on this path. Baby steps brother.Least no one is shooting at you and you ain't in a hole in the rain eating out of a can. Please let us help when that ruck gets heavy. I'll see you in April on Psyco Mountain. Peace

[Gimpy]

What the LT and Frisco and everyone else has said.

We'll all be here for you whenever you need us.

God Bless.

[grunt66]

Thats a rough hand you've been dealt Larry . You have been given excellent advice and LT and the Kid added perhaps one of the most important. " keep moving ." That is perhaps the only thing I know for sure about this life , that we have to "keep moving"

[MORTARDUDE]

We have divided the furniture and I should have all my stuff out in a few days. I don't get choked up as much as I did, but dammit it is tough. If I had done something awful and deserved this, maybe it would make a difference, but I didn't, and never considered it.....I am just glad my sons are grown. Last month there were two instances of friends we know whose daughters caught their boyfriends or husbands cheating on them just before marriage or shortly afterwards. This leaves a 1 year old, and a 3 year old without a father....and so it goes..

Larry

[MontanaKid]

Those are the same feelings I had too. "This is not a healthy relationship" just didn't have the ring of a compelling reason to leave, for me. And yet, that was the issue, 28 years of errors and ommissions on both our parts had come to a head. How can a guy look back at that point to any one thing he wishes he could take back and fix? Because of the distance I moved, not any greed on her part, I'm not coming away with any household goods. Just a few books and things.

But our posessions are not important, when it comes down to it. I knew enough others who had been divorced to know life goes on and can be quite happy after divorce. I'm finding the pain was smoothed out over time. I filed my divorce last week. It's kind of ironic that after nearly three years of not practicing law, due to the move to Maryland, that the first paper I prepare and file in court in Montana is my own divorce. And I admit that the drive back from the courthouse last week was kind of sad. I found that a country radio station playing "love lost" songs irritated the hell out of me. And I turned it off. There was some moistness in the eyes.

But, after 9 months of sepration, and fortunately a lot of geography between us, I am looking forward to it all being over. I reflect on the fact that I haven't had a single arguement with anyone in 9 months. Live has been more peaceful that its been at any time except for the first few months of our marriage.

She signed everything. It's in the mail. I'll file it all when it arrives, probably Monday, along with my request for the hearing. The Findings of Fact, Conclusions of Law, and Decree of Dissolution have been prepared by me for the judge's signature. It will all be over in a week or two, depending on the date the judge sets to hear it.

I'm sure I'll have a little sadness again. It won't be easy to take the stand and answer the routine questions that I've heard and asked so many times before in a purely professional capacity. But it will take just a couple minutes. it will be so good to have it over, and after that, the sky is the limit.

It is a blessing that the kids are grown. That makes it easier. Moving so much and not acquiring a lot of property, such as real estate, to fight over, also makes it easier. (So there was some benifit in being a job-changing, always moving PTSD vet, lol) The 3,000-mile distance is also good. It would be a lot harder if I had to see her again.

Hang in there guy. There is a lot of life to live after this. There will be a day when you look back and are glad you went your separate ways. I know it doesn't seem that way now. I've been there. But it gets better.

This too, will pass.

[MORTARDUDE]

Thanks Kid ! That helped a lot ! I invited my wife to the hospital a few days before she filed divorce to talk to my doctor and me about my treatment. I had already told him what she might say and she repeated it all verbatim. She almost had a breakdown over the 2002 truck she lost due to our bankruptcy. The doctor gently tried to tell her that he had lost most of his family ( he didn't elaborate )..and I thought to myself as we all will lay in the casket someday and kind words are said over us, and before the relatives swoop down like buzzards and vultures to fight over our earthly posessions...no one says...what a whiz he was at work, what a great car he had, what great stuff he amassed..hopefully they will say he was a great friend, brother, father, grandfather, whom loved us and was loved and will be missed.

A divorce question... I realize each state may be different...when it is final....and for some reason one of the lawyers leaves out something, can it be appealed or in some manner re-done...if not, why not ? Thanks.

Larry