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Old 01-31-2009, 10:07 PM
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82Rigger 82Rigger is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Fort Walton Beach, Florida
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Talking Getting Old

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see

over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an

intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through The

woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I

could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more

minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.

Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost

sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was

losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough,

the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other

woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that you just ran through three red

lights in a row? You could have killed us both!' Mildred turned to her

and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'

__________________________________________________ ________

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car

has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to

the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake

pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.

The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says. 'She

got in the back-seat by mistake.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FAMILY

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night

the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells

to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The

94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts

up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to

her sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that

forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of

you as soon as I see who's at the door.'

__________________________________

'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March

day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'

'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'

And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'

__________________________________________________ _____________________

LITTLE LADY:

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As

she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.'

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him,

she said, 'Supersex.'

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the

soup.'

__________________________________________________

OLD FRIENDS:

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they

had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their

activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,

'Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time,

but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I

can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is'

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and

glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

__________________________________________________ ________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I

just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on

Interstate 77. Please be careful!'

'Hell!,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
__________________
""Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln,how did you like the play?"

Steve / 82Rigger
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