Now, for the rest of the story:

[1CAVCCO15MED]

This being retired is harder than I thought. You working stiffs think YOU have problems: I get up to Minnesota and apply for my seven day fishing license. The clerk puts my name and driver's license number into the computer then gets this funny look. "Were you here about ten years ago?" "Yes, I came up with the scouts on another canoe trip." "Well, I can't give you a fishing license." "Why?" " According to the computer, you are a canoe." "I got a question." "Yes?" "How does a canoe get a driver's license?" "Hey, I'm just a clerk. You need to call Monday to the main office to clear this up." On Monday I would be 35 miles into the wilderness. There was another way, using the Social Security Number and my real first name, William. I was called the USS Fred the rest of the trip.

Flash forward to this afternoon. Shirley and I are scouting out places to impress the Yankees and Flatlanders (Andy and Paco) when they come to God's country. How about Elk River Falls? It is about four stories tall and very beautiful. The problem was deciding if two gimpy legged old vets can make it down the stairs. (I think so.) Anyway, we are lying on a rock at the base of the falls, me in my yellow hat. We're sittin' there watching some idiots jump off the top of the falls, planning fracture stabilization, CPR and notifying EMS when something landed on my hat. I take it off to see what it is and find a rabid bat knawing on my finger. Did I mention it was one in the afternoon? He falls on the rock and sits there grinning at me like, "Hee hee, I'm taking you with me, boy." (Even the bats are hillbillies here. Nice little bitty coonskin cap though) To make a long story short, I go to the ER and get 7 (seven) shots. Rabies immunoglobulin to the pinkie. "I confess!" "To what?" "Anything you want me to!" Four shots of 5cc immunoglobulin, two to each hip. Rabies shot to left shoulder, tetanus shot to right shoulder.

And then, AND THEN, Shirley gets Patriot of the month. Take hat off (thanks, Andy), no turning my back on her in her presence. The part about not sitting in her presence is easy, my butt is too sore anyway.

The shots are 100% effective but just in case, I'm taking bids on who needs biting. It's $1000 a bite plus expenses. (I fly first class.)

[SEATJERKER]

...you wuz wearin' yor coonskin cap, and fishin' sted of layin' round wit sum foolish yellow hat on you wouldna got bit...

...repeat after me, I am no a canoe, I am no a canoe, or is dat canuck...

...Fred ster', ONLY you can get into trouble with mother nature,...

...

[nang]

That sounds like something that would happen to me.

[Packo]

And this is where you want to take us during Hillbilly Fest 03? Sure, sounds great. Maybe we can find us a nice rattlesnake pit to play in. How's bout' some rabid coons and possum? This really sounds like it's gonna be a great trip. I'll bring up some skeeters and palmetto bugs.

Boy Doc, you sure know how to show yankees a good time. I think Deb and I have to wash our hair that weekend.

Packo

[DMZ-LT]

Fred don't tell them about the scorpions or neither of them will come.

[Andy]

So, the state of Minnesota says you?re a canoe and you do not agree. Ok, I?ll write an affidavit for you. If your some kind of aquatic vehicle I would definitely go with a dingy.

Elk River Falls sounds like a great little place. They have stairs? Fred, are the stairs supposed to be for us or the fish? A hill billy bat (no doubt an employee of the Tennessee Department of Wild Life) bit you? I am sorry to hear that, hope your better now. No escalators huh?

I had planed on taking a hand gun just cause it feels comfortable. After reading your note, maybe I?ll take a shotgun, elk rifle, land mines and perhaps some antiaircraft stuff. A heavily armed recreational vehicle. Except for the number plates, if I keep my mouth shut, things should be fine.

Packo, you bring the palmetto bugs, I?ll bring a lawyer. AND don?t you go backing out of this, I never went to Cousin? County before.

Shirley, please tell me you don?t have a duel personality. Tell me you?re a really nice person AND a nurse.

Stay healthy,
Andy

[revwardoc]

A few days ago up here in MA a rabid bobcat (22 pounder) went on a rampage, biting and clawing 5 people all of whom are now going through a series of rabies shots. Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the woods...

[sn-e3]

Doc there will be a envolope with unmarked bills waiting for you if'in a certent CEO of the B#&ing Aircraft Company should contract Rabies in the near future.. You might find him at the new Corupt opps I mean Corperate head quarters in Chicago.. Please remember this tape will self destruct in ten seconds good luck Doc. the Mission is possible.

[DMZ-LT]

Chris , I am starting to worry about you . Call Kieth soon or Sid .

[sn-e3]

Don't worry about me LT. its the rest of the world thats fu@*ed up. Its just that I think Doc has a real Money making plan there. And I always hire a specialist for the hard jobs.