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Old 11-23-2002, 05:34 PM
GoldenDragon GoldenDragon is offline
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Default When Tom Ridge appeared on the Leno show.

Jay was talking about the new National color alert code.

He asked Tom Ridge, "Say I'm sitting at home watching TV in my shorts. A news alert comes on and says the alert level has gone from yellow to orange. What should I do?"

Tom Ridge, "Change your shorts."

I don't know why, but that line got my funny bone.
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  #2  
Old 11-23-2002, 06:27 PM
janecallanan janecallanan is offline
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When is it okay to change a set of veteran shorts?

1.When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.

2.When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.

3.It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody--and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife--is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.

If a man wants to change his shorts just because we went to a higher code....maybe he should have a chromosome check?
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Old 11-23-2002, 07:46 PM
GoldenDragon GoldenDragon is offline
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You forgot #4

4. When they get so stiff he can shower them off.

I went to the doctor for a checkup. He said 'I need a urine, a stool and a semen sample."

I said, "Gee doc, I'm in a hurry, can I just leave my shorts?"















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Old 11-24-2002, 03:09 AM
janecallanan janecallanan is offline
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HooHah!!!! I think we have an underwear thread going! Watch out Hanes and Victoria's Secret!
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Old 11-24-2002, 05:32 AM
Wazza Wazza is offline
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Default Bear Essentials

I hereby offer myself for election to the position of chief scrutineer in the bare essentials debate
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Old 11-24-2002, 07:58 AM
JeffL JeffL is offline
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Default Underwear Thing!

Aw, Jane! Why'd you go and say that?

I heard that you once had one of those "Living Bras," but you had to send it back since you didn't know what to feed it.

...flak jacket, helmet, earplugs, rations, water - OK! Ready for incoming!
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Old 11-24-2002, 08:58 AM
janecallanan janecallanan is offline
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Of course I knew what to feed it. It was a bra, for heavens sake!
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Old 11-24-2002, 10:27 AM
janecallanan janecallanan is offline
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Default Underwear joke

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Old 11-24-2002, 10:32 AM
janecallanan janecallanan is offline
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Army's Boy Underwear!

--- "Sometimes the most appropriate thing to do, if you have 10 free
minutes, is to water your plants."

3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army's supply base to collect their underwears. Their sergeant was there to aid the supplies.

Sergeant: Dei Thambi! How many underwears you need ah?
Thambi: (thinks a while) 7 sergeant
Sergeantpuzzled) How come so many?
Dei Thambi: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.

Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwears?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.

Sergeant: (Chinese recruit) Ah Beng. How many underwears ?
Ah Beng : (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why do you need so many for?
Ah Beng: January,February, March...........One month one.
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Old 11-24-2002, 11:49 AM
kenmar kenmar is offline
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Default Me-thinks thou dust protest too much...

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