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Old 04-09-2019, 10:00 AM
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Boats Boats is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Sauk Village, IL
Posts: 21,784
Talking Your Mid-Day Laughter - I got these earlier - Thought I'd pass them along!

Subject: Money Talks

During their wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the Pastor with an unusual offer?

"Look, I'll give you $100 bill if you'll change the Wedding Vows. When you get to the part where I'm suppose to promise to Love, Honor and Obey and be Faithful to her Forever, I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."

He passed the Minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the Wedding, when it came time for the Groom's Vows, the Pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, Obey her every command and Wish, serve her breakfast in bed every Morning of your life, and Swear eternally before God and your Lovely Wife that you will not ever ever look at another Woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The Groom gulped and looked around and said in a Tiny Voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the Pastor and Hissed: "I thought we had a deal?"

The Pastor put the $100 bill in the Groom's hand and Whispered: "She made me a better offer."

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Subject: Who says men don't remember Anniversaries

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed with her.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just Staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes another sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, Dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" He asked Solemnly.

The wife is Touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband paused. The words are not coming Easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues.... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you Marry my daughter, or I will send you to Jail for 20 years." "I remember that too." she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says.... "I would have gotten out of Jail today!"
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Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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