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Old 05-11-2017, 06:31 AM
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Boats Boats is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 8,888
Wink Inner Peace

RE: INNER PEACE


If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

.
.
.
.

Then You Are Probably

The Family Dog!
__________________
Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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  #2  
Old 05-11-2017, 06:35 AM
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Boats Boats is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 8,888
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Subject: The Ventriloquist


A ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small outback village and
sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Aussie "Hey, mind if
I talk to your dog? "
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, stupid "
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate? "
Dog: "Doin' all right. "
Aussie: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you? "
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me
to the lake once a week to play. "
Aussie: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse? "
Aussie: "Uh, the horse don't talk either. . . . I think. "
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going? "
Horse: "Cool"
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner? " (pointing at the villager) Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.
Aussie: (total look of amazement)
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Aussie: (in a panic) "The sheep's a f*ckin' liar.
__________________
Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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