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Old 02-18-2022, 09:11 AM
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Boats Boats is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Sauk Village, IL
Posts: 21,784
Wink Why I Like Retirement!

Why I Like Retirement!

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after falling asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and
refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store
stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never-ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.


What is SERENITY?:

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up
to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'.
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about
being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide
your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a
jet engine, take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank goodness, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club
and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics
class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped
up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as
your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart
says, 'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER:

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune
to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Personal note: I think a few of us can related to one
or more of the disclosures above. If not you're most
likely bed ridden - and on some good medication.

'*********
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with
5 or 6, maybe 10 others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can
remember who they are!

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!
__________________
Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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