Happy International Talk like a Pirate Day, mates

[Boats]

Happy International Talk like a Pirate Day, mates
By: USA Today 9-19-19
RE: https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/...ow/2372266001/

Dead men tell no tales.

But live folks certainly do, and many of them will be "avast" and "ahoy"-ing the day away today, using the same tired lingo they did in third grade.

Let's dig deeper.

Sept. 19 is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, and we have your guide to five phrases we think should make their way back into the everyday lexicon.

Try them around the office today and let us know how it goes!

HORNSWAGGLE — To trick, deceive, scam.

"I'm tired of Pam always hornswaggling everyone out of the last donut!"

CACKLE FRUIT — Chicken eggs, a rare treat for pirates at sea.

"Hi, I'd like a sausage, pepper and cackle fruit sub for delivery, please."

Photo link: https://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/c97...t=405&fit=crop
Celebrate International Talk Like A Pirate Day with lingo that would impress everyone from Captain Hook to Jack Sparrow. (Photo: TOM SPADER/STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER)

LICK-SPITTLER — A kiss-up, self-promoter

"Jack picked up the boss' dry cleaning AGAIN, that lick-spittler!"

CAPE HORN FEVER — An imaginary disease used to get out of responsibilities.

"It's awfully coincidental Jane is sick the same time that big report is due. Must be Cape Horn Fever."

BILGE RAT — A rodent living in the darkest, dankest part of a ship; an insult.

"Ugggh. Howard cooked his fish in the microwave, that bilge rat!"

Arrr Mates let's go avast mate'es

more:

And whenever possible, use these helpful vocabulary words:

Booty - Refers to any ill-gotten goods swiped from another party (especially jewelry, cash and wedding silverware).

Briny deep - Depending on context, this can mean the ocean or a pickle jar.

Bunghole - The opening in a cask of beer or rum that is plugged with a cork or stopper. Use this word sparingly, as it makes middle school boys giggle uncontrollably.

Cap'n - Abbreviated form of 'captain.' A term of respect. Even in the corporate workplace, CEOs and other bosses secretly love it when their underlings address them as 'Cap'n.'

Clemente - Played right field for the Pittsburgh Pirates, 1955-1972.

Davy Jones' Locker - Refers to a grave at the bottom of the sea. Not to be confused with Peter Tork's Locker, which is where the Monkees kept their valuables while performing concerts on stage.

Dubloon - It's a Spanish gold coin, but you can use the word to refer to nickels and dimes and quarters, as in 'This vending machine just ate me dubloons, and I didn't get me Twinkie in return!'

Grog - Techincally, it's diluted rum, although you can use the word to refer to just about any alcoholic concoction. The more grog a pirate consumes, the less he sweats the finer semantic details.

Landlubber - A weak-willed ninny who doesn't have the courage needed to brave the briny deep (referring to the ocean, not the pickle jar).

Jolly Roger - Pirate flag featuring a skull and crossbones. Can also be referred to as the Artful Dodger, the Angry Codger or the Internet Blogger (pronounced with a soft 'G' in this context).

Johnny Depp - A sarcastic phrase for a baby-faced pirate who dresses a wee bit too fancy. Equivalent of calling someone 'pretty boy,' as in 'We better not ask Johnny Depp over there to go along on the raid --– he might rip his silk shirt!' An even more extreme version is to call someone Orlando Bloom.

Keelhaul - A form of punishment. Even if you don't know what it means, the word just sounds nasty. Next time someone crosses you, get a wild look in your eyes and shout, 'I'll keelhaul ye!' Watch how fast they straighten up their act and show you some respect.

Matey - A good friend, but not a spouse. Call your spouse 'matey' during a tender moment and see how quickly it spoils the mood (unless your spouse has a pirate fetish, in which case you should make sure to say this word with a leer and raise the eyebrow over the eye that isn't covered by a patch.)

'No quarter!' - This means 'We won't accept surrender!' If you mean you need change, you should say 'No dubloon!'

Pillage - If used as a verb, it means to rob and loot ('We'll pillage the town!'). Used as a noun, it refers to a pirate's daily prescribed medication ('Don't take your pillage on an empty stomach or ye'll get the cramps.')

Poop deck - Top deck on a large ship. If you don't have a ship, you can use this phrase to refer to the room over the garage. If you really want to make your seventh-grader giggle, use 'poop deck' and 'bunghole' in the same sentence ("Plug the bunghole before it leaks on the poop deck!").

'The Puffy Shirt' - Every pirate's favorite 'Seinfeld' episode. All work on the ship comes to a halt when this episode turns up on re-runs.

Salt (or Old Salt) - An experienced sailor. (If he sneezes a lot, you can call him Old Pepper, and if his hair is a ruddy red color, Old Paprika is acceptable.)

Scurvy - Derogatory adjective meaning lowly or disgusting, as in 'Stand back, ye scurvy dog!' The usage derives from the name of a disease caused by Vitamin C deficiency, suggesting that pirates are fanatical about their intake of citrus fruits and lose respect for someone who falls behind.

'Shiver me timbers!'- An expression shouted at moments of surprise. The pirate equivalent of the contemporary 'Ain't that a corker!'

Swab - To mop or clean something.

Swabby - A lowly worker who mops or cleans things.

'Swab this!'- Angry response from a swabby who has been asked to swab something one too many times. (Often accompanied by a gesture that involves grabbing his pirate parts.)

Walking the plank - A manner of execution whereby a pirate makes a person walk on a wooden plank until he falls off into the briny deep (the ocean, not the pickles) and sinks to Davy Jones' Locker (not Peter Tork's Locker).

'Yo ho ho!'- Pirate interjection expressing great joy. Repeated at increasing volume during the ingestion of grog.



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