Afternoon Humor

[SuperScout]

A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat-up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!"

He did just that.

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

[phuloi]

The chicken and the egg were lying in bed together and in the afterglow,the egg lit up a cigarette.
The chicken says "Well,I guess THAT question is answered!"

[SuperScout]

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

After a while and number of pints, he finds himself in a very high-class area .. big, stately residences, no pubs, no shops, no restaurants, and worst of all . NO PUBLIC TOILETS. He really, really has to go, after all those pints of Guinness.

He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet."

Ah, yes," said the Bobbie, "Just follow me".. He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away SIR, anywhere you want."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobbie, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call "British Hospitality?"

"No sir", replied the Bobbie, "that is what we call the French Embassy."

[Jerry D]

that one gets funnier every time I read it French Emabassy (LOL)

[frisco-kid]

MAN WALKED INTO A SUPERMARKET WITH HIS ZIPPER DOWN. A LADY CASHIER WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID, "YOUR BARRACKS DOOR IS OPEN. "NOT A PHRASE THAT MEN NORMALLY USE, HE WENT ON HIS WAY LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED. WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE SHOPPING, A MAN CAME UP AND SAID, "YOUR FLY IS OPEN." HE ZIPPED UP AND FINISHED HIS SHOPPING.

AT THE CHECKOUT, HE INTENTIONALLY GOT IN THE LINE WHERE THE LADY WAS THAT TOLD HIM ABOUT HIS "BARRACKS DOOR." HE WAS PLANNING TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN WITH HER, SO WHEN HE REACHED THE COUNTER HE SAID,"WHEN YOU SAW MY BARRACKS DOOR OPEN, DID YOU SEE A MARINE STANDING IN THERE AT ATTENTION?"

THE LADY (NATURALLY SMARTER THAN THE MAN) THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT AND SAID, "NO, NO I Didn't. ALL I SAW WAS A DISABLED VETERAN SITTING ON A COUPLE OF OLD DUFFEL BAGS.

[MarineAO]

Tom I'm steeling this one that is too funny.

[frisco-kid]

Help yourself, Sandy.

[revwardoc]

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it. "The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!"

[Jerry D]

LOL , the bicycle joke was a riot

[revwardoc]

Dear Mr. President,

I have the solution for the prevention of airliner hijackings, and at the same time getting our airline industry back on its feet.

Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women, we should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman. Hijackings would end and the airline industry would have record sales.


Sincerely, Bill Clinton


Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?