#1
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heh heh heh
mmmm
__________________
Sgt Gary A. Blake Marine! the title says it all |
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#2
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Timing
A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot for "parking." He
sees a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He gets closer to the car and sees a young man behind the wheel reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat knitting. Somewhat puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks over to the car and knocks at the window. The young man lowers his window. "Yes, officer?" "What are you doing?" "Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman, the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?" The young man shrugs: "I believe she's knitting a pullover." The cop is very confused. A young couple alone in a car at night and nothing obscene is happening! "What's your age, young man?" "I'm 25, sir." "And her, what's her age?" The young man looks at his watch and says: "She'll be eighteen in twenty minutes Sempers, Roger
__________________
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND SSgt. Roger A. One Proud Marine 1961-1977 68/69 http://www.geocities.com/thedrifter001/ |
#3
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Joke
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each
other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze" The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A Circumcision." And the second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year . Sempers, Roger
__________________
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND SSgt. Roger A. One Proud Marine 1961-1977 68/69 http://www.geocities.com/thedrifter001/ |
#4
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Doctors Visit
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm
count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar; which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this-First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open." AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???? Sempers, Roger
__________________
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND SSgt. Roger A. One Proud Marine 1961-1977 68/69 http://www.geocities.com/thedrifter001/ |
#5
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Woooo Hooooo
__________________
Sgt Gary A. Blake Marine! the title says it all |
#6
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Joke
Gary I do believe you like Fridays......LMAO.....
Well I do to....That's when I am not on call....... One day a Sgt, a SSgt and a Gunny were all walking to chow at 1130 when they happen to stumble upon a beautiful looking lamp. the Sgt picked up the lamp and rubbed it on its side....all of the sudden a beautiful woman came out in a puff of smoke and said..."thank you so much for freeing me, I have been stuck in there for many many years, for this I will grant you each one wish". Without hesitation the Sgt jumps in and says " ill take the first wish, I want one million dollars, a beautiful wife and an house in Maui, I also want to be discharged from the Corps and live out the rest of my days playing golf and making babies with my wife", and in a puff of smoke....he was gone. Now it was the SSgt's turn....he said "I want two million dollars, a beautiful wife and a house on the beach in Florida, I also want to be discharged from the Corps and live out the rest of days walking on the beach with my beautiful wife", and in a puff of smoke...the SSgt was gone. The genie now looking at the Gunny says...."and what do you want kind Sir?" without a moment of hesitation.... with his hands on his hips staring the genie down like a drill instructor, the Gunny says...." I want those two clowns back at the shop after chow". Sempers, Roger
__________________
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND SSgt. Roger A. One Proud Marine 1961-1977 68/69 http://www.geocities.com/thedrifter001/ |
#7
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My Car
This is a true story
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, " I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and then drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter. He pointed to the other end of the counter where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. AH, SENIOR MOMENTS! Sempers, Roger
__________________
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND SSgt. Roger A. One Proud Marine 1961-1977 68/69 http://www.geocities.com/thedrifter001/ |
#8
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Perspective Jail vs Work
Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a
bit more clear . . IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle. IN PRISON...you get three meals a day. AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it. IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior. IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself. IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON...you get your own toilet. AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat. IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family. IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out. AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens. AT WORK...they are called managers. So............... why is it again that we work ? Remember folks, this is just a joke don't try this at home! If you are at work, forward at your own risk. Sempers, Roger
__________________
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND SSgt. Roger A. One Proud Marine 1961-1977 68/69 http://www.geocities.com/thedrifter001/ |
#9
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Hit a Pig
A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!" Sempers, Roger
__________________
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND SSgt. Roger A. One Proud Marine 1961-1977 68/69 http://www.geocities.com/thedrifter001/ |
#10
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Police
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't
getting many. He then discovered the problem: a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change. (And we used to just sell lemonade). BETTER: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar zone. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs. BEST: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman's Ball. " He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. Sempers, Roger
__________________
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND SSgt. Roger A. One Proud Marine 1961-1977 68/69 http://www.geocities.com/thedrifter001/ |
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