"Asking for help?" Not me, I can handle it.

[GoldenDragon]

Awhile back a friend of mine was going through a really difficult time. I knew he (like me) had a hard time asking for help. I wrote this short story and told him I had something I wanted him to read. I knew he was really confused and having a hard time concentrating. He was overwhelmed with trying to care for his family, work and still carry an awesome burden alone. I racked my brain to come up with a format that would put no additional pressure on him as he read it. Sometimes the most simple things work the best. All I asked was if he accepted it, he would promise to read it. He agreed. After reading it he immediately knew what I was referring to and asked me what he should do. It was the first time I had ever heard him say he could not handle things alone anymore.
I am not a counselor or expert in anything but, I knew who to refer him to. (The same people that helped me when I bottomed out.)
Today he is a new person and he, his wife and children have embarked on a new life together.
Please understand, I am not taking credit for any of that, all I did was share what someone else had taught me. "Sometimes we have to ask for help."
Veterans are taught and begin to believe in the military that they can handle anything. The only thing they don't teach us after leaving the military is to handle the long nights lying awake, staring at the ceiling, afraid to go to sleep because we know the nightmares will return. They don't teach us to handle the guilt we feel because our nerves are so bad we can't be around our own children for long. They don't teach us to handle the guilt we feel when we raise our voice to our wife or children. They don't teach us to handle the guilt when the uneasiness we feel in crowds, causes us to severely limit the time spent with others. Especially our own families.
I could go on and on but, anyone with PTSD knows what I am talking about. I delibertly didn't mention the worst we experience.
The answer for me was to ask someone for help. Talking about the secret fears that terrorized me every moment of my life since Vietnam, made them begin to subside.
No man or woman can carry that load alone. The mark of true strength is, to know your limits. A military would never enter into battle without first assessing the strengths and weaknesses of the enemy. That makes for a formiable military. Can we escape with doing any less? I have to say no.

"Don't be afraid to ask for help on this site, publically or privately. We are all in life together."
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---------------------------------------Hiawatha------------------------------------------

Once there was a very small Indian boy named Hiawatha. He was known as a dreamer. Everyday Hiawatha loved to play alone away from the other boys. He had a fascination with the growing flowers, grass, plants and trees. The other boys frequently made fun of him because of this "unmanly" behavior.
After many moons of playing alone, Hiawatha came to a conclsion about the sun. He decided that the sun gave life to the plants he loved so dearly. Looking around him at all the beautiful growing things, he begin to think about the time each day when the sun sank below the horizon. Even though it became dark where he lived, he became convinced there was a place where the sunshine was continous. If a half of day of sunshine could create the beautiful world in which he lived, then surely in a place where the sunlight was continous, would be unimaginably beautiful. It had to be the Happy Hunting Grounds his grandfather had taught him about.
Hiawatha keep this to himself, but made a plan. He put together a small pack of dried meat and vegatables. He hid the pack in some bushes near the village. Early the next morning when the first rays of the sun sent vague, almost imagined beams of light across the sky, Hiawatha quietly left his families teepee. As he slipped through the flaps he hesitated and looked as his sleeping parents and his two brothers and sister. A pang of uneasiness quickly passed.
Retrieving his hidden pack he began walking toward the west. He felt the sun would overtake him before he reached the Happy Hunting Grounds. He believed all he had to do was rapidly follow the sun as it sank in the west and he would arrive in perpetual sunlight. For him life just became a destination, not a journey.
He tried all-day to follow the sun bravely and manly. Still, he had to stop and rest every few miles. By that evening he was many, many miles from his tribe and when the sun finally sank below the horizon, he lost his way. After wandering in the forest and bumping into many trees, he decided to stop and wait for the sun to rise again and resume his journey. Everything he was doing made perfect sense to Hiawatha with his lack of knowledge and experience. If only he had talked to his grandfather or one of the other elders.
Hiawatha started out early the next morning, following a frightening night of sounds and movement in the darkness that had kept him from resting.
Even though he was small, Hiawatha had the heart of a bear and the strength of his misplaced convictions. For eighteen days he followed his convictions and chased the sun. His food was soon gone and he had not learned to provide for himself. Water does not substain a body forever. Each day Hiawatha got weaker and weaker. Soon even his vision of the Happy Hunting Grounds faded.
The nineteenth day became a torture of stumbling steps and many falls. Each time he took longer to regain his feet and continue moving onward.
On the evening of the nineteenth day broken and dying, Hiawatha crawled under a bush and went to "sleep."
The sun slowly sank below the horizon.

Moral: Sometimes we think we have the answers and knowledge to strike out on our own. That extent of knowledge never exists in one person. We all need each other, especially in these trying times. When you or I or anyone else thinks we have all the answers and the ability to make it alone; we don't. The experiences of those who have gone before us is invaluable.
As hard as it is for a grizzled old Veteran to admit, we all need to lean on each other. We all need to support each other.

[JPWatson]

Yes that is what we have to do.Usually,I just tell my friends my story about seeing a "special" Doctor. Have been seeing same Doctor for 14 years so for,will probley go until he tells me stop.

Enjoyed the short story approch. ThankYou.


Semper Fi Jimmy

[judyvillecco]

Thanks for your message. i so identify and it takes courage to ask for help on a forum such as this but to keep silent allows the demons to overtake us. I have risked asking for help hoping other women will also reach out and ask as well. it has taken me close to 30 years to get here and lots of help from others.