History 102

[Stick]

History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast & live on fish & lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet, so while our early ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement". Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as 'girleymen.' Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide
what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to respond to the above instead of just laughing at it and moving on to the next task accomplishing something productive.

[Army_Brat84]

Right on!

[Jerry D]

Good one Stick

[BLUEHAWK]

Originally posted by Stick It should be noted that a Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to respond to the above instead of just laughing at it and moving on to the next task accomplishing something productive.

Such as, getting their fanny's on down to the Gulf Coast and lifting a finger.

[Seascamp]

Oh my, this syllabus/thesis will never fly in our institutions of higher and questionable, nebulous, learning, ay sus no. But it has a distinctive ring about it when put up against an actual flow diagram of what really goes on and who is doing what to whom and what order.
And I might expand the span of providers to include the real benefactors; the much maligned but solid Middle America. Hell, Dean outright hates half of them so that bodes poorly for the other half because he cheep-shots the crap out of those people as well, but doesn?t overtly hate them, at least in public-not yet anyway.
In all seriousness, I am studying contemporary ?Liberalism? and trying to figure out who the heck are these people and what do they stand for. Aye, yi, yi, not such an easy task, the ?against? part of the culture is a piece of cake, easy deal. But the ?for? is a very mysterious deal and like trying to grab a wiggling, greased, shoat.
Thus far, I have sliced off the advocated Liberal lifestyle as not being relevant to the study, to varying degrees that is nearly universal in a free and open society and always has been so, going way, way back.
Actually, the further left one looks, the more diametrically opposed to a liberal lifestyle the culture becomes, I mean intensely so. We?re talking about getting hauled off the local slam, beaten to a bloody pulp and then possibly being pitched on a cattle car headed east to a forced labor camp, or worse.

Then there is the Liberal claims of being responsible for many or all the good things that have happened in science, industry and medical advances. The things that I know a lot about; as in do for a living, have solid roots in science and human progress that extend way before; like a couple of centuries, the first US Liberal was making mustard in their diapers. So, I will make all those claims second level study stuff when I get to that point of research.
Right now I?m focused on Domestic Policy, Foreign Policy, Defense, The Constitution and the role Law, and therein comes the greased, wiggly, shoat part of the study. And no, I do not consider Liberals to be Democrats, two different deals entirely I believe, but supposedly under the same big top, or so the Liberals say.

Scamp

[reconeil]

BEAUTIFUL!!!....Stick. Plus, proving that more truth is stated in jest,...than anyway else.

Well,...except for the reality that I like Molson Golden beer over most others. Though, and in fairness to me, I don't have to have a twist of lime with my Molsons.

Neil

[Jerry D]

you know what you call a Lime in a Beer, "Salad"