A Funny Story!

[Packo]

My last few months of service were spent at Edgewood Arsenal Maryland. Home of Nerve Gas and Med Vols. As a Sergeant, I was given a squad. Unless you had "a pass" or "liberty card" you could not go off base unless you were E-5 or above.

I got a young E-duece in from boot camp, (it was a computer unit so those with a computer background came strait from boot camp), and he was put in my squad. This guy was from like "Toadsuck Arkinsaw", young, and dumb. Well some of the guys were going to show him Baltimore so I approved their passes and sent them on they're way. Of course they took the poor Hayseed to "THE BLOCK". The Block is like the "Combat Zone" in Boston, and I'm sure like a bunch of places in any big city. Rough ass bars, hookers, drug addicts, alkies, and punks.

The bars had a funny little way of getting money out of you. The bar hookers would come over, sweet talk you, then ask if you'd buy them a drink. If you said "yes", they ordered a bottle of Champagne. (term used loosely, it would be a $4 bottle of "Cold Duck") The bill for said "Champagne" would be at least 20 to 30 bucks. If you couldn't pay....you usually had someone huge to "discuss" the tab with. This was just one of the many cute things that would happen on The Block.

Well, Pvt. Smuckinfoose falls madly in love with a hooker. She tells him how she needs rescued from her evil pimp and how she fell in love with him the minute she saw him. She could tell from his accent' that he was a good man. And so it goes.

The young Pvt. never bothered to get the opinon of his worldly and wise Sgt. He went back to the block a couple more times, just to be sure and yep, she was always there waiting for her "Little ol Tootsie Roll Pop". He comes back to the base and asks permission to be a little late for work that he needed to go to the credit union. I didn't think much of it so told him no sweat. He goes to the credit union, gets a loan for an apartment full of funiture and enough for a security deposit and first and last months rent. Now, being single, he could not live off base, but got the place for Irma La Duce'. She picks him up that evening at the base, takes him to a furniture store, then to their new love nest. Knowing he has to be back before revillie she drops him back off at the base after capturing his virginity in a funiture-less apartment in Bel Air. He floated on gossimure wings into the barracks. Their funiture arrived the next day and she taught him the Kama Sutra that evening. He crawled into the barracks in LUV!

The next evening nobody shows at the gate to pick him up. He's sure the evil pimp has found her and calls the barracks to talk with his Sgt. I told him to hold on, I'd be at the gate in a minute. I grabbed a couple more Sgts and we went to pick him up. When we arrived in Bel Air all we found was an apartment as empty as his head. I figure he's still paying for that furniture........

Love Hurts

Packo

[phuloi]

The young private,it seems could have been any one of us...I will assure you that I,at the tender age of 18 at Toule Depot,France,encountered Mi Amore (IRMA) and was relieved of my identity along with each and every Franc.Having just arrived at my very first duty station in exotic and erotic France,I naturally could hardly wait to get to "town"...but alas it was on or around Bastille Day and there would be no passes issued.A well seasoned PFC took me under his wing (and under the fence) and introduced me to the fine art of drinking Pernot and scoring with the local femail population.The next thing I know the bar-keep is ushering me to the door of the now empty joint.No Irma,and worse yet,no PFC Shit-for Brains.Now when I pick myself up off the street in front of the bar I`m hit with the biggest blow yet-This 'Pernot' stuff has blinded me,I figure,cause everything is this wierd yellow color.(Turns out that all the exterior lights in France are amber)After stumbling and bumbling around for hours-it was now daylight-looking for the base,and then for the hole in the fence,I happened upon the main gate,whereupon the MPs demanded ID...No wallet.Dogtags got me in...and an article 15

[Drywall]

Went on leave to Amsterdam with a couple other guys one time. It has a red light district and the hookers sit in windows. You can wander up and down the streets "window shoppng." You rap on the window and ask how much. It was all legal there so there wasn't usually any prob's with that part of it. Amsterdam is a big seaport and it has it's share of seedy bars on the waterfront. Lots of strip clubs and illegal hookers. We had been enjoying the shows one night and it got to be time to leave. As we approached the door the King Kong of bouncers asked if we were gonna leave any money for the girls. Well there was four of us in line to walk out and the first guy says, pointing over his shoulder, "my buddy's got the money." This happened twice more and guess who was the last one out. Yours truley. This guy with a 60" chest and 34" waist puts his coffee table size hand on my chest and asks if I have money for the girl. Let me tell you, I was throwing money all over the place. Hell yes I got money. I was digiin in every pocket, turning em inside out. I don't know how many Guilders I gave the guy, they were only worth a quarter, I just wanted out of there. Course my so called buddies are laughin their asses off. Real funny, assholes.

I almost forgot, most of the hookers had their own furniture.

[phuloi]

How I love that city!"Monday,Monday" and "When a Man Loves a Woman" blaring from all the clubs...Sweet memories

[Seascamp]

I got hooked up with a gal in DaNang and it was more or less a deep meaningless relationship that ran for a time, Ok but a bit scary once in a while. Anyway, eventually my younger brother shows up, my tour about up and I introduce him around and presumed he?d take up where I left off with the gal, which the scoundrel did. Keeping it in the family, so to speak.

Some months later I?d taken up with a French Tunisian gal; Sylve, and things were looking reasonably positive. Then one fine day a perfumed letter shows up. While in the field, Sylve collected my mail and read everything, the snoop. Not a big deal as I mostly got benign business stuff anyway. But not this letter, oh my no. That scoundrel brother had put Ceci up to writing a profound XXX letter along with Polaroid nude photos. There were inferences that I?d see her soon, had just seen her. You know, all the stuff that makes a Gal go to slow burn just before they set about killin ya. Oh man, was I in trouble and learned about being yelled at in French and Arabic. And from that moment on, I stood accused and found guilty of being a bed hopping horn dog. Not true but the evidence was compelling so nothing to do but take my lumps and plot how I was going to get back at my brother after I killed his ass about 20 times.

Scamp

[DMZ-LT]

Once upon a time a young soldier, who may have looked like me, met a young woman ,at the bus station, who told him she would do all sorts of great stuff to him for 50 bucks. She asked him for 40 bucks to get a room. She took the money and told him to sit on the bench and wait for her while she got the room. He sat there for a very ,very, very long time before he went home.

[Packo]

all you guys were part of my squad. Great stories and keeping me laughing on a dreary Tuesday. Seems like I jogged some "mammeries" amongst you.

Lets hear some more.

Packo

[Seascamp]

One deal that becomes self-evident in early Navy life is the incredible number of pitfalls that awaits the uninitiated new Sailor. One new lad we picked up out of USNTC, San Diego was really uninitiated; I?m talking eye watering uninitiated, poor guy. He?d been in 7th haven and all in love with someone he met in San Diego and we were to droop the hook there for a couple a days before gong back to 1st fleet task force. He rode the liberty launch in with a mob of us to the Broadway landing and we laid eyes on this new honey bunch dutifully waiting. Oh great jumped up, what to do. So we took him aside and the most outspoken of us asked our new Romeo, ?Ah, do you think that that?s a girl, really?? ?Huh, what to do ya mean?? says he. ?Tis a Benny-boy Lad, ya do know what a Benny-boy is? don?t ya. Ya know, look?s, dresses and acts like a Gal but isn?t a Gal but rather, is sompin else?. Of course he wasn?t going to believe us so I suppose he had to go find out for himself. He certainly was bummed out for a few weeks but that?s the way things go sometimes in the school of really hard knocks. I?m sure the great State of Maine is better off for ?Pup? having gotten a bit older but wiser with that episode.

Scamp

[PHO127]

Woman in the world was in a house in juarez, had gotten out of basic and had a day before shipping out. Left town broke and in love.

[DMZ-LT]

She also gave him his first case of the clap. Now remember my daughter posts here , see ya at the bar.