Watch what you wish for!

[Boats]

Watch what you wish for!

An elderly couple made a deal that whoever died first would somehow come back to inform the other of the afterlife...their biggest fear being that there really was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go and true to his word, a few weeks later as his wife sat and watched TV, she heard a ghostly voice saying, "Maude..Maude.." "Is that you, John?" she asked as she looked in vain around the room. The voice responded, "Yes, Maude, I've come back just like we agreed." "What's it like, John?" Maude asked. John said, "Well, I get up in the morning and I have sex. Then I have breakfast and after that more sex. I bathe in the sun for a while and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, and then have sex pretty much all afternoon. After dinner, I have sex until late at night...and the next day it starts all over again." "Oh, John," Maude said, "then surely you must be in heaven!" "Not exactly," John said..."I'm a rabbit somewhere in Wyoming."

[revwardoc]

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

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GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to
askyou the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

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THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

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SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 35 success is . . .making money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

[Boats]

revwardoc ,

Those were really great. I like success and raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree. How true