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Old 02-22-2007, 06:06 AM
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Boats Boats is offline
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Default You gotta love Engineer's

You Gotta Love Engineer?s


Three guys, a Canadian farmer, Osama bin laden and an American engineer
are together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out.

"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total," said
the genie.

The Canadian says, I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer and so will my son be
a farmer. I want all Canadian farm lands to be forever fertile."

Pooooof! In the blink of an eye, all Canadian farms were forever fertile for
farming.

Osama bin laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans, can come into our
precious state?s."

Pooooof! Once more in a blink of an eye, there was a huge wall around
all those countries.

The American engineer asks, "I am very curious, please tell me more
about this wall."

"Well," the genie says, "It's about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and
completely surrounds the countries. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can get
in or out. - it?s impenetrable."
.
.
.
.
.
The American engineer says... fine - ?fill it with water."
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O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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Old 02-22-2007, 09:26 AM
39mto39g 39mto39g is offline
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Boats
The Americans wish was
"please, tell me more about this wall"
His second wish was Fill it.

But thats sounds good anyway.

Ron
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Old 02-22-2007, 01:29 PM
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An optomist: The glass is half full
A pessimist: The glass is half empty
An Engineer: The glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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Old 02-22-2007, 04:43 PM
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Q : What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

A : Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.






Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "It had to be a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''






An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get such a great bike?" asked the first.

The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'"

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."






One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."

God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest."

The man replied, "Okay, great!"

But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The engineers said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him, smiled, and said, "No, no, no! Go get your own dirt!"






You might be an engineer if . . .

. . . you know vector calculus but you can?t remember how to do long division.

. . . you?ve actually used every single function on your calculator.

. . . you have a pet named after a scientist.

. . . the Humane Society has had you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger?s Cat Experiment.

. . . you consider any non-science course ?easy.?

. . . you can translate English into Binary.

. . . you have no life and can prove it mathematically.

. . . you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

. . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

. . . you assume that a ?horse? is a ?sphere? in order to make the math easier.

. . . you understood all of these indicators.

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Old 02-23-2007, 12:34 AM
39mto39g 39mto39g is offline
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Thats funny.
I think you could probably pick any profession and do that.
Do Cops, Do Cops.


Ron
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