Subj/Summary Of Mishaps

[darrels joy]

Subj: Summary Of Mishaps
Unclassified//
Alsafe 007/09

Msgid/Genadmin/Comnavsafecen/00/Feb//

Subj/Summary Of Mishaps//
Gentext/Remarks/1. Welcome To The Latest Edition Of The Friday Funnies.

This Time We Bring You A Special News Alert. Until Further Notice, The Entire Fleet, From The Puniest Barge To The Largest Deep-Draft, Will Be Tied Up Pierside, Due To A Service-Wide Strike Called Last Night By The International Association Of Bulkheads.

A. "Simply Put, We're Sick And Tired Of Being Punched For No Reason," An I.A.B. Spokesman Told Reporters. The Latest Incident Was Aboard An Lha When A Seaman Recruit Punched A Steel Bulkhead In The Bos'n Locker After Losing Some Belongings That He Had Left Adrift.

This Was Only The Latest In What Bulkheads See As Widespread, Arbitrary, And Unprovoked Violence. Although The Punch Technically Didn't Do Any Damage To The Steel Bulkhead, The Principle Of The Thing Has Long Rankled Bulkheads Throughout The Fleet.

"We Are Reliable, Hard-Working Parts Of The Navy's Warfare Platforms," The I.A.B. Spokesman Said. "If It Wasn't For Our Members, No One Would Have Any Privacy Aboard Ship, Plus Every Level Would Collapse On The One Below. We Understand That The Navy's Global Commitments In The War On Terrorism And Humanitarian Efforts Are Important, But Enough Is Enough."

Mishap Reports Are Rife With Similar Incidents. A Bm2 Who Punched A Bulkhead On A Destroyer Moored In Norfolk. An O-2 On A Submarine In Maine Who Punched A Bulkhead In The Bow Compartment. A Lance Corporal, Underway On An Lhd, Who Punched A Bulkhead Because, The Report Said, "He Was Frustrated With His Working Environment."

B. This Dramatic Work Stoppage By The Bulkheads Is Also Causing Concern In The Navy's Shore Establishment, Where Top-Level Planners Considered The Implications Of The Strike Spreading To Several Affiliated Labor Organizations, Notably The World Brotherhood Of Walls And Partitions.

The W.B.W.P. Was Already Upset By Several Recent Incidents. A Construction Mechanic Second Class Lost His Temper At Home And Took It Out On A Wall. A Fireman On A Floating Drydock In San Diego Punched A Cement Wall.

Another Seabee, An E-4 Equipment Operator In Africa, Punched A Wall After Getting Some "Disturbing News From Home," Allowing Him To Send Some Disturbing News Of His Own To The Folks Back Home.

C. The American Federation Of Lockers, Which Has Members Throughout Both The Navy And Marine Corps Establishment, Signaled Its Readiness To Walk Off The Job, In Part As A Sign Of Solidarity And Also In Response To Two Recent Incidents Where Service Personnel Sucker-Punched Unsuspecting Members Of The Union.

In The First Case, A Lance Corporal From An Aviation Squadron In North Carolina Punched A Locker. Elsewhere, An Ht3 Steaming Around On A Carrier In The Pacific Punched A Locker In A Berthing Area After A Counseling Session.

D. Disaster Planners Have Issued General Alerts In Case This Labor Action Spreads To Previously Unsuspected Areas, Including Domestic Furniture (Thanks To An Mm2 From A Submarine Who Punched His Coffee Table), And Building Materials (Thanks To A Bm1 In A Precom Unit In Mississippi Who Lost His Temper Because Of His Girlfriend's Children And Punched A Deck).

2. Until Further Notice, We Recommend Other Stress- Reduction Techniques, Including Counting To Ten, Deep Breathing And Yoga. For The Record, The Injuries Suffered By The Humans In The Above Incidents Included Six Broken Hands And Required 28 Weeks Of Light Duty. If You Have To Punch Something, Try A Pillow Or A Mattress-Their Labor Agreement Has A Free-For-All Provision.//
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This is actual message traffic I received this morning. I guess someone
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Gunner Carvo