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Old 01-15-2008, 05:45 PM
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Talking Sailor Joke

An aging retired Navy Line Officer puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake.

He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but, needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'

The prostitute replies, 'Well, Ron, old boy, you're doing about three knots"

''Three knots?' he asks. 'What's that supposed to mean?"

She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back."
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Old 01-16-2008, 07:17 AM
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Old Sailor in Hospital.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An old Sailor was admitted to Hospital...
After examination, the Chief-Nurse comes in to the Cantina and says :
Hey listen, this sailor has a Tattoo on his "you know what.." .. !!
Yes, yea, and it is the holy name Adam. !

A beautyfull young new female Assistent,.. hears this and goes to investigate.
After 15 minutes, she comes back and says :
Well, it is not true that the Sailor, has the holy name Adam on his penis..
It really says, : Amsterdam.
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Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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Old 01-16-2008, 07:21 AM
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Old Sailor (Pirate) Pick-up Lines


"I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest."
"Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber."

"See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate
attachments, Baby."
"Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?"
"Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and prepare
to be boarded."
I've hidden booty all over the Caribbean -- but never have
I seen one like yours!"
"That's NOT my parrot talking, Sweetie!"
"That's a lovely pair of 8-pounders you have there."
"My peg-leg's ribbed for your pleasure."
"Why not climb my main mast and I'll visit your crow's nest."
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Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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Old 01-16-2008, 07:30 AM
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The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young, tyro naval student. "What steps would you take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?"

"I'd throw out an anchor, sir."
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"I'd throw out another anchor, sir."
"But what if a third storm sprang up forward?"
"I'd throw out another anchor, captain."
"Just a minute, son. Where in the world are you getting all these anchors?"
"From the same place you're getting all your storms, sir."

(Now, that's a BRAVE sailor....)
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Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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Old 01-16-2008, 07:31 AM
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Default this link as a pirate joke

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNAZ7o9zFe0[/media]
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Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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Old 01-16-2008, 07:34 AM
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Left on a sinking ship were the Captain and three sailors.The
Captain spoke first. "Men, this business about a Captain going down
with this ship is nonsense.There's a three-man life raft on board and
I'm going to be on it.To see who will come with me,I will ask you each
one question. The one who can't answer will stay behind. Here's the
first question :What unsinkable ship went down when it hit an iceberg ?"

The first sailor answered, "The Titanic,Sir."

"On to the next question: How many people perished?"

The second sailor said, "One thousand five hundred and
seventeen,Sir"

"Now for the third question," and the Captain turned to sailor number
three.

"What were their names?"
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Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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