being afraid

[exlrrp]

Originally posted by 39mto39g Where you been bud.



For a long time after I got back home I would walk around fearless. Or so I thought. I figured, what the F---, theres nobody shooting at me, whats to be afraid of?

Ron

Its goood to be back, Hello to all my friends
Been devoting my life to making changes--moving away from here.Self and Sue bought a `10 acre spread up in Oregon, sitting in the middle of 1000s of acres of Cascade Lumber land--replanted, but won't be logged again for 50 years. 5 bedroom, 4 bath, guesthouse, sitting on top of a hill with 50 mile views.
Been learning to say it OraGIN, not Ore GUN or OreGON like we Californians say. What a place! theres only two area codes in the whole state!!. The town I live in now got more than that.
THIS will be the West Coast Psycovets hangout--ponds, horses, trail riding, gun shooting, etc. (sid: dunno right now about South but had to cancel Vietnam for this year so probably so--right now about 78% probability, give or take a few percentage points.)Buying a whole new arsenal including claymores! Very remote yet still only 12 miles off I5, bout25 miles north of Eugene. 10 miles from big lakes, 40 miles from ski area and 65miles from the ocean ( I have to have big water close to me)

Back on the topic of Fear: I just learned to live with it, I got to where I slept through being shelled and mortared. One time in Pleiku the whole barracks next door went up in splintwers and they coudn't drag me out of bed to get to the shelter (i'd been drinking)
Look at the picture--this is me long after I had accepted the fact that I wasn't going to live through it. No wonder I smoked a lot of pot in the rear--I had to get to sleep. There's a young man that has walked right up to the edge of the cliff and is standing there looking off into infinity. Took me along time to get back from there, there's reams of testimony from 2 ex wives to say I didn't. They said I was arrogant but what the fuck did they know?

You always amaze me Ron, I'm impressed by what you put out sometimes. I often wonder if you and the cops like Andy and Bob just maybe got addicted to the adrenaline rush--I knew lrrps who did and I sure felt it myself I knew several lrrps who came back for another tour. Once was enough for me, I didn't want to try and hog all the patriotism in the world. It was all volunteer as far as I know, Rangers too..
Its like an exalted state for me when I really truly think i'm going to die and don't care. In combat, I would flip back and forth between that and sanity. I'd be doing what I thought was incredibly brave stuff and then DOOOOSH like cold water in my face. I'd think--this is completely insane--what the fuck is going on here.
Time would sometimes stand still--could almost SEE the bullets and sometimes it seemd to go by REAL fast. And I'd be trying to figure out what to do next. This was usually the hardest thing to do, our training didn't cover most of the situations I faced. The second hardest thing was figuring out where the ----we were: very critical when yr calling in arty. You call for the first round and hope The US Geodetic Survey didn't let you down again.
Later all
James

James,

Great ta see ya back!We were startin ta worry.
Sure does sound like you've managed ta grab a little bit(actually a pretty good chunk)of heaven.Eagerly awaiting a report on the huntin an fishin.Please advise if you find yourself in need of redneck lessons.