Who Can Beat President Doofus?

Small Favors Molly Ivins

Who Can Beat President Doofus?

What ho, sports fans? Has this been a dandy spell for mind-boggling
government, or what? Still no weapons of mass destruction, and every
neocon in America is creating elaborate rationales for why it makes no
difference whatever if we were lied to about this war.

Meanwhile, in a truly creative demonstration of their problem-solving
abilities, White House staffers fixed the entire global warming problem
by editing it out of a report on the environment. Way to go, team! Why
pay attention to scientists when you can insert a study paid for by the
American Petroleum Institute instead? That Karl Rove, just brilliant. As
President Bush said on June 4, "I'm the master of low expectations." And
he continues to prove it.

Now to provide some good cheer. We've got some talent here, people, and
most of them compare well to President Doofus.

John Kerry is in the unfortunate position of being the frontrunner,
which you would not wish on your worst enemy. My early take on Kerry was
that he has gravitas--sumbitch about bent over double with gravitas--but
that he has no Elvis. Minus-zero on the Elvis Scale was my first read.
No point in nominating some good and worthy candidate, like Fritz
Mondale or Michael Dukakis, if they got no Elvis. The object is to get
these people elected. Can't get elected without a soupçon of Elvis.
Happily, Kerry seems to have started to do what he most needs to do,
which is lighten up a bit. According to a report in Slate, Kerry in Iowa
is capable of humor, self-effacement, sarcasm, and other helpful
attitudes. Plus, at the end of the deal, he got on a motorcycle and
raised an eyebrow before gunning the hog on down the road. A bike?! Now
we're talking Elvis.

John Edwards in the early appearances struck me as almost a little too
pretty, a little lite. But he's got a populist streak I like--his daddy
spent thirty-seven years working in a North Carolina mill, and Edwards
ain't forgot it. Seemed to me he might develop. In a recent speech at
Georgetown University, the sumbitch hit a home run. (Look it up.)

Naturally, I've been leaning toward Howard Dean: He's at 2 percent in
the polls and has the full weight of Vermont behind him. On a recent
visit to Austin, Dean sounded alarmingly moderate, appealing to the
centrist vote. Sheesh, what good is Dean if he doesn't pull the whole
field to the left?

I like Dick Gephardt, I can't help it. I've always liked labor-liberals:
I think they're plugged in to real people in a way these DLC Democrats
can never fathom. We could get him new eyebrows. New eyebrows are easy
compared to a charisma transplant. He made a serious health care
proposal (not a terribly good one, but serious) and proposes to pay for
it by repealing the Bush tax cuts. He may have no eyebrows but has balls.

Carol Moseley Braun: vanity run, no help there, don't be silly. Still,
thank God there's at least one woman in the pack. Personally, I think
the whole race will turn on the women's vote. The entire Bush
Administration suffers from testosterone poisoning.

Al Sharpton: Elvis! Wit! Doesn't have a chance so he can tell the truth.
Naturally gets globs of rightwing media attention because they'd love
for people to believe that Sharpton is the Democratic Party. Trouble
with Sharpton (I'm a great believer in looking at the record) is that
you can't trust him. Bad record. Very bad.

Representative Dennis Kucinich I naturally like, but consider a
no-hoper. Can't elect a guy that short and skinny, not to mention
vegetarian. Accuse me of cynicism in my old age, but I am interested in
winning this one. Decent, kind, excellent: no Elvis, no hope.

Joe Lieberman does nothing for me. Republican lite.

Take a look at Bob Graham out of Florida. Foreign policy credentials,
gravitas. Southern politician, so knows how to campaign. Executive
experience, two-term governor. May not hold up on the vision thing, but
give him a gander.

Wesley Clark, bubble for Democratic Ike, attractive candidate in many
ways, but in my experience, there's no experience like experience and
this guy's never run for dogcatcher.

So cheer up. There are many to root for.

On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 0325 -0700, George Ahern
wrote:

>Anonymous via the Cypherpunks Tonga Remailer wrote:
>>
>> Still no weapons of mass destruction, and every
>> neocon in America is creating elaborate rationales for why it makes no
>> difference whatever if we were lied to about this war.
>
>What's a neocon?

It's a kind of helicopter.
---
Alan

Anonymous via the Cypherpunks Tonga Remailer wrote:
> Small Favors Molly Ivins

What is a Cypherpunk Tonga Remailer?

How can I become Anonymous?

On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 0344 -0700, John Smith
wrote this crap:

>Anonymous via the Cypherpunks Tonga Remailer wrote:
>> Small Favors Molly Ivins
>
>What is a Cypherpunk Tonga Remailer?
>
>How can I become Anonymous?

Since your name is "Smith," you're already anonymous.


Hero@Horvath.net

Ave Imperator Bush!
Bush Was Right! Four More Beers!

"Alan" wrote in message news:npqkhv4udp4veh7tsoa3qdktl6tud0bki7@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 0325 -0700, George Ahern
> wrote:
>
> >Anonymous via the Cypherpunks Tonga Remailer wrote:
> >>
> >> Still no weapons of mass destruction, and every
> >> neocon in America is creating elaborate rationales for why it makes no
> >> difference whatever if we were lied to about this war.
> >
> >What's a neocon?
>
> It's a kind of helicopter.
> ---
> Alan
Nah, its a Redvet.

"George Ahern" wrote in message
news:vhkqht67o2576e@corp.supernews.com
> Anonymous via the Cypherpunks Tonga Remailer wrote:
>>
>> Still no weapons of mass destruction, and every
>> neocon in America is creating elaborate rationales for why it makes
>> no difference whatever if we were lied to about this war.
>
> What's a neocon?

That's the new word the lefist bigots are using instead of "Jewish
American".

On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 11:40:49 +0200 (CEST), Anonymous via the
Cypherpunks Tonga Remailer stupid is as stupid
does wrote:
>
>
>Small Favors Molly Ivins
>
>Who Can Beat President Doofus?
>
After looking at the current crop of
liberal losing, socialist band of
misfits, it's safe to say that the
President will serve another
term.
Meanwhile:

"Liberalism is a shield, for the clueless.?

On Mon, 21 Jul 2003 1613 GMT, drodgick@city-net.com (Dennis L.
Rodgick) wrote:

>On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 11:40:49 +0200 (CEST), Anonymous via the
>Cypherpunks Tonga Remailer stupid is as stupid
>does wrote:
>>
>>
>>Small Favors Molly Ivins
>>
>>Who Can Beat President Doofus?
>>
>After looking at the current crop of
>liberal losing, socialist band of
>misfits, it's safe to say that the
>President will serve another
>term.
>Meanwhile:
>
>"Liberalism is a shield, for the clueless.?

you got that right when this is all said and done the Democrats will
do themselves in by nominating a far left candidate which most
Americans won't vote for, I see another Mc govern or Dukakis on the
horizons. Problem the Democrats have is that their base is just plain
weird, you know the dope smokers, abortion loving, anti war, anti
american crowd.



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On Mon, 21 Jul 2003 1244 -0500, PM wrote:

>On Mon, 21 Jul 2003 1613 GMT, drodgick@city-net.com (Dennis L.
>Rodgick) wrote:
>
>>On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 11:40:49 +0200 (CEST), Anonymous via the
>>Cypherpunks Tonga Remailer stupid is as stupid
>>does wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>Small Favors Molly Ivins
>>>
>>>Who Can Beat President Doofus?
>>>
>>After looking at the current crop of
>>liberal losing, socialist band of
>>misfits, it's safe to say that the
>>President will serve another
>>term.
>>Meanwhile:
>>
>>"Liberalism is a shield, for the clueless.?
>
>you got that right when this is all said and done the Democrats will
>do themselves in by nominating a far left candidate which most
>Americans won't vote for, I see another Mc govern or Dukakis on the
>horizons. Problem the Democrats have is that their base is just plain
>weird, you know the dope smokers, abortion loving, anti war, anti
>american crowd.
LOL!!!!!
How true........
But it's great fun watching them look all the more stupid.
And they wonder whey they are a Minority......
>
>
>
>-----= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =-----
>http://www.newsfeeds.com - The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
>-----== Over 80,000 Newsgroups - 16 Different Servers! =-----

"Dennis L. Rodgick" wrote in message
news:3f1c26fa.7847958@news.city-net.com
> On Mon, 21 Jul 2003 1244 -0500, PM
wrote:
>> On Mon, 21 Jul 2003 1613 GMT, drodgick@city-net.com (Dennis L.
>> Rodgick) wrote:
>>> On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 11:40:49 +0200 (CEST), Anonymous via the
>>> Cypherpunks Tonga Remailer stupid is as
>>> stupid does wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Small Favors Molly Ivins
>>>> Who Can Beat President Doofus?
>>>>
>>> After looking at the current crop of
>>> liberal losing, socialist band of
>>> misfits, it's safe to say that the
>>> President will serve another
>>> term. Meanwhile:
>>> "Liberalism is a shield, for the clueless.?
>>
>> you got that right when this is all said and done the Democrats
will
>> do themselves in by nominating a far left candidate which most
>> Americans won't vote for, I see another Mc govern or Dukakis on
the
>> horizons. Problem the Democrats have is that their base is just
>> plain weird, you know the dope smokers, abortion loving, anti war,
>> anti american crowd.

> LOL!!!!!
> How true........
> But it's great fun watching them look all the more stupid.
> And they wonder whey they are a Minority......

They *know* they're gonna lose and lose BIG, so they should nominate
the "Reverend" Al $harpton - at least, they'd get a lot of coverage...