Death of an Artilleryman 4-16-68

[ArtySgt]

Bobby, ( not his real name for reasons soon to be made clear ) Bobby was assigned to my gun section after he had problems with his previous Chief of Section. He told me he was going to die, he was the most terrified man I ever encountered in Vietnam. He was always the very first in to the deep bunker, always the first to run for cover no matter what was going on. Some times he spooked to whole section for no good reason. He asked me repeatedly to get him out of the bush and once I went to the 1st Shirt and asked if we could get him checked out medically, this was done but it was made clear to me that he had a problem in this area. He'd been checked out for various reason before and nothing was found to be wrong with him. The rest of my gun crew rejected him and would soon exclude him from their talks and B. S. get togethers between fire missions. They were scornful and made jokes about him to his face. I felt sorry for him, I kept him cutting charges and loading the gun, the position where he was least able to hurt any one we were firing a mission for.
I felt sorry for him and tryed to calm him as much as possible but I had no control over events in the bush. He took to sleeping in a sleeping bunker in the side of the parapit, but I would often have to wake him on my rounds and get him to turn around so that his feet, not his head was towark the sleeping bunker opening. Well after several months of this I was feeling the strain, Bobby latched on to me like a drowning man. He was at my side every second I was awake and the strain was getting to me.
On or about the 14th of March 1968 The Ex. O. came and asked me to send one of my men to another section that was short handed, I sent Bobby, I felt sorry for him but I needed to cut him loose for my own state of mind.
Bobby was sleeping when we took some martor rounds and one landed in side the parapit Bobby been assigned to. It started a hell of a fire in the ready ammo, I ran over to help and every time some one would attempt to remove shells, more powder bags would fall into the fire and drive us off. We finally got the fire under control but it was a very close thing, to my amazement none of the shells or fuzes went off.
I told the chief of section who was new to count heads and check his wounded. We had some burns and one wounded but one man was missing, bobby. We went to his bunker and saw blood and holes in the netting, we reached in an got hole of his flattened air mattress and pulled him out. He'd gone to sleep with his head toward the opening and his teeth and brain was exposed. Dead.
I have lived with this for the past 35 years, I tell my self I did all I could, that I did more then some would have in my position.
I had to deal with my every day responsibility, my own fear of being KIA or wounded again. The constant fear of putting a round in the wrong place while fighting the gun as fast as the grunts needed.
I have to go to the VA hospital in Richmond tomarrow for a minor operation, I had planned to write this then but I need to get this work done for myself.
There it is......................

[frisco-kid]

"I have lived with this for the last 35 years, I tell my self I did all I could, that I did more then some would have in my position."

BELIEVE IT! Peace to you.

DON'T MEAN NOTHIN', SARGE.

[phuloi]

WHAT TOM SAID..
Thanks for all the lives you saved lobbing arty.

[1CAVCCO15MED]

Sarge,

I was that guy. The only twist to the story was I wasn't killed, a guy who took a nap in my bed was. I tell myself that guy chose to be there but if I hadn't been so scared he never would have had the chance. Your guy DID choose to go there and lie the way he did. I guess you have told yourself that a thousand times, the same as I have. They are both in a better place than we are but we have to forgive ourselves. The only problem is how. I don't know.

[39mto39g]

If this guy was a friend of yours, you did all you could, If he wasn't a friend then you did way to much and probibly cheated the rest of you crew because of it.
His death is not your falt, people die in war, thats what its about, sounds like he was let off the hook way to many times. F-him, pull his own weight or go to jail, take your pick, but don't punish the guys that are doing a good job, (rest of your crew)
By the way, 99% of the rounds that came from arty in my direction fell where they were supposed to fall, I would have been happy with 80%, Thank you and your crew.

Ron

[Bill Farnie]

ArtySgt

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Beside his being scared (weren't we all) he was a screw-up. You recognized that fact and tried to get him stract. It's sad he was KIA but that wasn't your fault. This damn war of ours makes us all crazy with bogus guilt.


P.S.
The Arty at FSB Currahee saved our cookies when we got hit 15 June 69' .They lowered the guns and fired direct fire. They also used Beehive rounds. 54 NVA dead in the wire in the morning. Thanks Arty guys.

[catman]

Sarge...from what you posted, you went way above and beyond the call. You had warned the guy many times about sleeping there and he continued to do it.

Most of us that were in leadership positions had a guy he had to carry and can relate with the mentally taxing requirements of this. I had a guy who was so dumb you had to tell him every day to get dressed, otherwise he would walk around in his drawers all day. (Try explaining that to a pissed off BC when you are sitting in the breech in Iraq and everyone else is at MOPP Level 2)

You did your job Chief and than went way beyond, get off your back.

Trav

[BLUEHAWK]

You are compassionate Arty...

[DMZ-LT]

Thank you for your service , you guys saved my butt several times , thank you. Many of us struggle with this #%** survivors guilt. I try to give it away everyday and sometimes am successful. Forgive yourself. Good luck with the surgery. Peace in your heart

[PHO127]

I doubt that there are many of us that don't do the same thing. I know I think about it a lot. Sometimes it is a passing thought, sometimes it is a gut wrenching feeling that you take hours to get over. Some of us were lucky, Some were not.