holiday recipes

[MORTARDUDE]

Slug Fritters

Ingredients
10 freshly slaughtered slugs cleaned of all outer mucous
1/2 cup of cornmeal
1/2 cup of high protein flour
3 eggs
2 egg yolks
1/4 cup of heavy cream
4 tbs. Of butter
4 tsp.of sour cream

Instructions

First chop the slugs into fine mince, then beat the eggs and egg yolks with the heavy cream together. Sift the dry ingredients and then cut 2 tbs of butter into that mixture. Add the egg and cream mixture to the dry ingredients and whip with a whisk vigorously for one to two minutes. Melt one tbs of butter in a saut? pan and pure the batter into 2 1/2 inch cakes in two batches. Serve warm with a dollop of sour cream.
Yields 4 servings.

From: Voodoo5536@aol.com

Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario

http://bertc.com
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James' World's Hottest Wings

2 lb Chicken Wings cut up Buffalo style
6 Whole sorano chili peppers
6 Whole red chili peppers
10 Whole jalapeno peppers
2 c White wine
1 Bottle Tabasco Sauce
1/2 Bottle Worcestershire sauce
10 tb Cayenne pepper
10 tb Durkee red-hot sauce
1 tb Salt
3 tb Pepper
1/2 c Vinegar
1 Fire Extinguisher
- (Optional!)
-Don't attempt to eat with an ulcer.

In a blender, carefully puree the peppers, wine, vinegar and all spices. Caution, the fumes are deadly and wear rubber gloves or your fingers will burn! Put the puree into a bowl and marinate the wings in the bowl in the fridge for 5 days. After 5 days, carefully remove the wings and broil them until cooked. Usually approx 15 mins (+/- 5 mins). Take the marinade, put it on the stove, add 1/4 cup sugar and heat to a boil. reduce until thick. Pour over wings and re-broil for about 5 more minutes, serve with soda water for maximum heat effect but keep plenty of ice water handy

. From: James Farrow http://www.farrowgalleries.com

Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario

http://bertc.com


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Pickled Pigs' Ears

4 qt Water
1 tb Alum
2 c Distilled white vinegar
2 c Granulated sugar
1 ts Salt
2 lb Pigs' ears

Lip-smacking, tangy, chewy, and exotic, these morsels go perfectly with drinks before dinner, and very well without drinks at any time.

Boil 2 quarts of the water with the alum for 5 minutes, then remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Boil the vinegar with the sugar and salt for a few minutes, or until the sugar is completely dissolved. Remove from the heat and cool.

Boil the remaining 2 quarts water and drop in the pigs' ears. Boil for 20 minutes. Remove the pigs' ears and cut them into lengthwise slices 1/4 inch wide. After the sliced pigs' ears have cooled, return them to the alum water to soak for 2 hours, then drain and rinse under cold water. Dry lightly.

Place the pigs' ears in a jar, pressing them down. Pour in enough cooled vinegar mixture to completely cover the contents of the jar. Refrigerate.

NOTE: This can be eaten after 3 day and will keep for several weeks in the refrigerator.

Yields 2 quarts

From "The Classic Cuisine of Vietnam", Bach Ngo and Gloria Zimmerman,
Barron's, 1979. ISBN 0-8120-5309-5

Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario

http://bertc.com
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Duck Blood Soup (Strybl)

Collect the blood of a freshly-killed duck or goose and stir in 1/4 cup 6% vinegar. Seal and refrigerate until ready for use. In pot, combine duck or goose wings, neck, rump, heart and gizzard with 8 cups of cold water. Bring to a boil, skimming off scum until no more forms, reduce heat and simmer one hour. Add several peppercorns, cloves, and allspice grains and 1/2 to 1 bay leaf plus the standard portion of soup greens (minus the Savoy Cabbage) and simmer another 1 to 1 1/2 hours or until meat comes easily off the bone. Dice the giblets, remove the meat from the bones, dice, and return to the strained stock.
The soup vegetables may be diced and returned to the pot or used in another dish per your preference. Add about 2 cups dried fruit: prunes, apples, pears, raisins, and simmer another 15-20 minutes. Fork-blend 2-3 Tbs flour with the blood and vinegar mixture, add about 1/2 cup stock 1 Tbs at a time, stirring constantly, then return to the pot. Season with salt and pepper, a pinch or 2 ground juniper berries (optional) sugar and a bit more vinegar if needed to get a sweet, sour, winey flavor with subtly spicey undertones. Simmer gently several minutes and serve over egg noodles, noodle squares, grated potato dumplings or cooked, diced potatoes.

Variation: Fork-blend 1/2 cup sour cream with the flour and the blood-vinegar mixture before adding to the stock.

The soup greens are the standard Polish mix.

From: llanite@flash.net (Llanite)

Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario

web site: http://bertc.com
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The Beloved (Dreaded?) Haggis

1 Sheep's lungs (illegal in the U.S., may be omitted)
1 Sheep's stomach
1 Sheep heart
1 Sheep liver
1/2 lb Fresh suet (kidney leaf fat is preferred)
3/4 cups oatmeal (the ground type, NOT the Quaker Oats type!)
3 Onions, finely chopped
1 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Freshly ground pepper
1/4 tsp Cayenne
1/2 tsp Nutmeg
3/4 cup Stock

Wash lungs and stomach well, rub with salt and rinse. Remove membranes and excess fat. Soak in cold salted water for several hours. Turn stomach inside out for stuffing.

Cover heart and liver with cold water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes. Chop heart and coarsely grate liver. Toast oatmeal in a skillet on top of the stove, stirring frequently, until golden. Combine all ingredients and mix well. Loosely pack mixture into stomach, about two thirds full. Remember, oatmeal expands in cooking.

Press any air out of stomach and truss securely. Put into boiling water to cover. Simmer for 3 hours, uncovered, adding more water as needed to maintain water level. Prick stomach several times with a sharp needle when it begins to swell; this keeps the bag from bursting. Place on a hot platter, removing trussing strings. Serve with a spoon. Ceremoniously served with "neeps and nips," mashed turnips, nips of whisky.

Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario

web site: http://bertc.com

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Sex In A Pan
Also knows as: BETTER THAN SEX


1/2 Cup butter
1 c Flour
1/4 c Sugar
2 8 oz. pkgs. cream cheese at room temperature
1/2 Cup icing sugar
30 Oz. carton cool whip
1 6 oz pkg instant chocolate pudding
3 c Milk
1 pt Whipping cream

Preheat oven to 350*F Mix first three ingredients to a fine crumb consistency. Press into a spring foam pan. Bake for 25 minutes. Beat together cream cheese, icing sugar and Cool Whip and pour into cooled shell. Beat together milk and chocolate pudding until thick. Pour over cream cheese mixture. Whip cream and pour over chocolate mixture. Refrigerate at least 12 hours.

From Barb Gibson

Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario

web site: http://bertc.com

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World's 9 Worst Convenience Foods
from Horace Bulby

9. Post Oreo O's (Kraft Foods, Inc): A substance, supposedly a breakfast cereal, patterned after the notorious Oreo cookie. Oreo O's look exactly like used cat litter. They smell and taste so bad my dog won't eat them. Put milk on Oreo O's and you have a bowl of something that looks like oily refried beans. If Kraft had deliberately set out to make the foulest cereal possible, they could not have exceeded the putridity of Oreo O's.

8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have certain medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.

7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.

6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of pork brains has 1,170 percent of our recommended daily cholesterol intake. All the more ingenious, then, that the label on this product helpfully features a recipe for brains and scrambled eggs.

5. Sweet Sue Canned Whole Chicken (Sweet Sue Kitchens, Inc.): From its size (think growth-impaired Cornish hen) to its overall appearance (it's stewed in a quivering mass of aspic goop), this product may change forever your idea of what constitutes a chicken. Gives new meaning to the old line about meat "falling off the bone."

4. Musk Life Savers (Nestle Confectionery): You may think musk is a scent, but over in Australia, they think it's a candy flavor. A candy flavor that tastes disturbingly like raw meat, to be precise. But what did you expect from a country where everyone happily consumes Vegemite?

3. Blind Robins Smoked Ocean Herring (recently discontinued by Bar Food Products): Possibly the world's most bizarre prepackaged tavern snack. Interestingly, the product's titular robin isn't actually blind, he's blindfolded -- the better, presumably, to avoid looking at these heavily salted herring strips, which look like giant slugs.

2. Kylmaenen Reindeer Pate` (Kylmaenen Oy): This Finnish canned good may not be particularly tasty, but at least it answers the age-old question of why Rudolph was so eager for that safe, steady job on Santa's sleigh team -- he didn't want to end up a cracker spread.

1. Tengu Clam Jerky (Tengu Co.): Nothing you've ever consumed can prepare you for the horror that is clam jerky. Still, this product does score a sort of conceptual coup: If you're the sort who's always found raw clams too slimy and gelatinous for your taste, these dried, shrivelled molluscs will help you dislike clams on a whole new level.

Sent by Horace Bulby

Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario

web site: http://bertc.com

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Authentic Texas Beef Jerky

Find yurself a cow. Kill it. Skin it out. Cut off a large hunk of dead cow meat ( any part you think suitable) Cut the dead cow meat up into thin, flat strips, like you are trying to make a belt. Put salt, and cracked pepper on the dead cow meat. ( cow meat means red beef down hear, even if it come off a steer ). hang the meat on the top wahr of a bob-wahr fence in the Texas summer sun (available May thru Sept. in most counties.) Let it hang thar, dryin' in the breeze, for a day or two. When its dark, and tough as wang leather,and dry as west Texas, she's done. Warning: don't serve to youngins nor old-timers with store-bought teeth, without you soften it some first.

Caveats: use plenty salt, unless you fancy dried fly eggs for flavor. If the weather is rainy ( as happens ever decade or so in Texas summers), flap the dead cow meat down on your cast arn stove, or your bob-a-cue grill, and heat real slow. (jerked cow meat is dried, not cooked, so don't use much fahr)

This is how we been jerkin cow meat, buffalo, goat,sheep (but in secret) and any damn thang we kin kill or rustle for hundreds of years down here in Texas. I hear tell some new-fangled folk put smoke flavor on the meat, if'n they don't have no mesquite branches to smoke it over. If you own any land in Texas, you got plenty mesquite branches, since it'll grow in a gravel parkin lot, and dont need but a heavy dew onest or twiest a year for water, and is harder to root out than a displaced New Yorker.

They tell me y'all can jerk chicken meat too. It seems like too dang much trouble for a bird, to me. Mostly, we just roast em on a stick till the feathers are all burned off,then peel off the outsides and eat whats left. That's if yur bachin it. If you got a full-time woman, she can fry it up for you.

Now that Texas has become the third most populous state(and some say, the first most pompous), and had a big influx of former yankees (anyone whose been here 3 years or more, and now wears jeans with a sportcoat to work, and swears they'll never go back where they came from, no matter how hard the native Texas are tyin to get them to.) the old recipes for jerkin rattlesnake over mesquite branches have pretty much gone by the wayside. They do tell that the Vietnamese and Mexicans have kept the good old secrets for jerkin smoked dog alive, though, for which all us old-timers are eternally grateful. If a dog cain't earn his keep, he can always provide supper, I always say.

As we say down here, don't ask a man if'n he's a Texan. If he is, he'll tell ya, and if he ain't, ya don't want to embarass him.

Qwert Y. Uiop, Ancient Nerd

--- Stupidity is the one vice that never goes unpunished. --

Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario

web site: http://bertc.com


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yum yum

[melody1181]

oh my gosh, ewww for the most part!!! LOL
Thanks Larry!

Wish I could find me some brains in a can!!!

[MORTARDUDE]

Pork brains....when I was a kid we ate brains and eggs a lot, as well as squirrel brains. Sounds like pure cholesterol.

Larry