Associated Press

[HARDCORE]

Associated Press

House OKs funds to fight island snake

Washington ---- The House yesterday authorized spending $104 million over the next five years to stamp out the brown tree snake, a voracious viper that has wreaked ecological havoc in Guam and is threatening Hawaii and neighboring islands.

?It is time we address this issue head-on with the goal of eradication, not simply control,? said co-sponsor Del. Madeleine Bordallo, D-Guam, a nonvoting member of the House.

The mildly venomous snake is believed to have been introduced to Guam in the 1940s or 1950s as a stowaway aboard a military cargo ship. The species is native to Indonesia, New Guinea, the Solomon Islands and Australia.

Free from natural predators, the snakes have nearly wiped out the native forest birds of Guam.

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Hey, these guys on Guam ain?t seen nothing, especially when compared to the ?Politicus Viperivae Domesticus!?

This snake wipes out, not whole forests, but indeed, entire populations. It?s constrictive abilities have been known to suck the life out of Homo Erectus Americanus (the non-affluent variety), by carrying away, like a latrodectus mactans (Black Widow Spider), the vital economic juices of it?s prey, and digesting them at leisure in some far away place!

Of course, the victims are often unaware of the fact that their lives are being drained away a little at a time, as the predator often injects them with a slow-working poison that induces a state of artificial euphoria.

Some say that this arachnid?s venom is composed of equal parts of political bull shit, media hot air, hollow promises, and the ability to make a skunk smell like a rosaceae (rose)!!

If you doubt this analogy, then by all means, tune to any news station, twenty-four hours a day, from now until the first Tuesday in November!!

VERITAS

[Boats]

And you wonder why we don't have money!!! Geez