I have a question for all Vietnam Vets

[inhonurofswa]

Hi to all,
Before I ask this question I want to say thank you, thank you for serving this country over there. But my question is, being over there, when you come back, do you ever fell closure? Like, I have heard a lot of veterans have nightmares and don't know what to do with the time they have until they find a job or what not but, I just wondered how do you, I don't want to say get over it, but for a lack of better words, umm, how do you get to where you're back on track, of course you'll never be back to the way you were before but, what goes through your minds when you do come home? Last one, did you go to your buddies who died's funerals, or was it just too hard? I hope my questions aren't too offending or anything, I was just wondering.

Taylor

[Raggedy Ann]

Taylor
I am answering these questions as a non-veteran but I have many friends and family that are Vietnam veterans. My husband is a Vietnam veteran. I know that sites like this help a lot of veterans cope with the things they have seen and done not only in Vietnam but all wars. They have this site to share memories bad and good and help them through some of their tough times. I personally feel that they will never get over the war. Those thoughts will be with them forever, sometimes better, sometimes worse. I am sure that a lot of war veterans are on medication and also see a therapist.

As far as going to their buddies funerals, if they were still in Vietnam when the person died then they wouldn't have been able to attend a funeral back in the states I am sure unless it would be a special case. I have been to funerals of men, young men, that died in Vietnam and the only other military people were from the states.

Taylor, I don't think deep down inside a war veteran can ever "feel complete closure" about what they had been through. Some do better than others and some are able to cope better than others but I don't think they ever feel complete closure. Of course you'll have to see what the true veterans have to say on the matter. I only gave it to you as I see it and have seen it for many years.

Raggedy Ann

[b3196]

Taylor
Closure is something that will never happen.....The closest thing to closure is when many of us vets on this site get together in April. Back Then, most of us were scorned for our actions which is why we depend on each other rather then the non-vet.
As far as funerals goes.....There's nothing more important than to pay final respects for a brother who has died.....One of our brothers is sick right now and we all pray for him like he was a member of the family. Talking with him and his family as often as possible.
Damn sandstorms
Bob K

[SuperScout]

Originally posted by inhonurofswa Hi to all,
Before I ask this question I want to say thank you, thank you for serving this country over there. But my question is, being over there, when you come back, do you ever fell closure?

First of all, I don't think I understand what 'closure' is supposed to be all about. There are images and feelings that never will leave me, but are not an omnipresent sensation. Maybe the greater question is, are we supposed to feel 'closure'?

Like, I have heard a lot of veterans have nightmares and don't know what to do with the time they have until they find a job or what not but, I just wondered how do you, I don't want to say get over it, but for a lack of better words, umm, how do you get to where you're back on track, of course you'll never be back to the way you were before but, what goes through your minds when you do come home?

I simply continued to do my job. As a professional soldier, I just did my job while I was in Vietnam, and as I did in subsequent assignments. Assuming that we were 'off track' to begin with is rather prejudicial.

Last one, did you go to your buddies who died's funerals, or was it just too hard? I hope my questions aren't too offending or anything, I was just wondering.

So far, only very distantly known veterans have 'gone Home,' so attending funerals has not been a circumstance I've encountered. When those closest to me slip these mortal coils, I'll go, and wish them a great journey home!
Taylor

[Packo]

Taylor,

I only spent about 10 months in Vietnam, yet I've spent more than 38 years trying to figure it all out. I can't. As with veterans of all wars, I don't think there ever is "closure". WWII vets got to see an end to the war and a world at relative peace until the Communists invaded South Korea. Korean vets got to see a young nation, South Korea, pull itself up to what it is today. We now see Vietnam trying to become what South Korea is today, but never really will as long as the Communists control the country. Even with all that, I don't believe any veteran ever finds closure and the reason for that is, basically, when it gets right down to it, we fight for each other, not for what may happen in the future or to free people from tyranny. You may leave this country with that ideal, but it gets down to fighting to stay alive and not let your buddies down.

Getting back on track. Well, some of us, like my dear friend Super Scout, were older and more mature than the average soldier that fought in Vietnam, and was, therefore, more developed mentally. That's a good thing. For many of us, we were younger, probably more nieve, and certainly, personality wise, less developed and the war had a greater effect. Most of us were citizen soldiers who had close relatives that fought in WWII and firmly believed it was our duty to serve. We imulated our WWII hero's, watched WWII and Korean War movies, and went fairly willingly to war figuring we'd do our duty and come home "heros" and go on with life. The realities were much different. Trauma effects people differently at different ages. Growing up, we were very much shielded from the actual horrors of war and knew nothing of the aftermath. Many of us have had great careers since returning and have done many wonderful things, but not a day goes by that we don't think about it, and we will continue this until the day we either lose our minds completely, or die. Watch the series, "Band of Brothers", in it's entirety. The most important parts of the whole series is when the real veterans portrayed in the movie, speak. Listen to these men. One of the biggest falicies of the Vietnam War is that we all came back broken men who just wear fatigues, do drugs, and hang out at the Wall, homeless. On the other hand, most of us live day to day with the nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and some guilt that we survived and others did not. You just go on. One of the biggest reasons of our successes is having a loving, caring, partner. Some of us have been lucky in that, some not. I got lucky the second time around. Your right that we could never get back to what we "were". We had to grow up overnight and for many of us, experiences like college after the war, was not the fun those that never served were able to have. To many of us, it was just another job we had to get done. I can honestly say I never wanted to be like I was before I went to war, but I do feel I missed my youth no matter how hard I tried to get it back when I got home. I was different then my peers, and that, was a good and bad thing. Coming home was nothing like we thought it would be, to most of us. Many of our peers shunned us and hated us for what we did. We were the first ever U.S. Veterans to be equated with the war. It was a sad time. Today, though, my peers, my brothers, my friends, are not the mindless twerps I went to High School with, they are the mindless twerps I visit every day here and can't wait to see every April. Other than my wife, they are the loves of my life.

We never got to go to the funerals of our brothers who died, in probably 99% of the cases. We honored them there...and as the LT would say, we just moved on. They don't let you leave because a friend dies.

I'm going to get off my soap box now but rest assured that most everybody here welcomes your questions and wants you to learn more about the men and women that served, when serving wasn't cool. To me......that takes more guts than serving when it is cool.

Keep asking Taylor, and never lose your thirst for knowledge.

[1CAVCCO15MED]

Closure...I came home and went to work, got a degree and worked the same job for 31 years. I never had a day that Vietnam was not on my mind and emotions. I ended up with frontal lobe dementia from all the cortisol and adrenalin that coursed through my vessels due to PTSD all these years. I had to retire prematurely and am now 100% disabled due to PTSD. All my life I have tried to get closure and lived my life with and in spite of PTSD. Why not closure? I have never dwelt on Vietnam but it sure has dwelt on me. As for funerals, I was a medic in a clearing company and watched hundreds die. Every day of my life is a funeral.

[WateringHole]

Taylor...........Have to realize a great number of Vietnam Vets went to Vietnam when they was only 18 and 19 years old fresh out of high school and being exposed to such horror. When they came back to the US (the ones that was able to), they found most Americans wasn't in favor of American Troops being in Vietnam. What really hurt so many Vietnam Vets was so many Americans thinking they wasn't war veterans and don't deserve the same recognition as Korean and WWII war Veterans.

[VIETNAM 1968]

Hello Taylor:

I was going to talk about Closure but Watering Hole, Super Scout, B3196 and 1CAVCCO15Med said it all for me. They all could have been talking about my feelings as well as their own.

I have stated many times, that MY OWN PERSONAL Vietnam War will never really be over until I join the 58,000+ brave men and women who have their names engraved on that Black Granite Wall in Washington D.C. Only DEATH can really erase the events and emotions that were activated by a Tour in Vietnam.

Like a lot of other Vietnam Veterans I lost my Best Buddy while both of us were serving in Vietnam. We were not in the same unit, or even the same branch of the service, but his death still haunts me to this day. When I learned of his death, I immediately applied for Emergency Leave, in order to return home for his funeral. I was told that because my Buddy was NOT A BLOOD RELATIVE, I did not qualify for Emergency Leave. Because of this I was not able to say Good Bye which still bothers me tremendously.

This Forum has given me the opportunity to vent my feelings many times. The guys and girls on this Web Sight are like family to me and I treasure their thoughts and help tremendously. On more times then I can count now, they have been there for me when I just had to have another Vietnam Veteran to talk to. All I had to do was reach out and one of the Brothers or Sisters would be right there to help me over a rough point in my life. May God bless and protect them all as well as watching over them.

To those Vietnam Veteran Brothers and Sisters I again wish you all a big:


WELCOME HOME


VIETNAM 1968

[1CAVCCO15MED]

Well, you have heard from a grunt, a medic, an MP And a guy who got the DSC which is just below a Medal of Honor. We all have images that we can't remove and deal with every day.

[Robert Ryan]

We got to put them in body bag, and didn't have time to greive the loss, we just had to "ruck up" and keep going. It was like a guy who got wounded and was Medivac out, you didn't know if they made or not unless they came to your unit after healing from the wound. Just no closeure to any of it. I got a lot of closesure when the Traveling Wall came to Sacramento, CA three years ago, I was able to accept the death of my buddy, and say goodbye to him and let him rest in peace that all of the fallen deserve.